The Painter [Chapter 14]
Title: The Painter
Chapters: 14/20(?)
Genre: Romance. Angst. AU. Fluff. Smut. Humour.
Warnings: Angst. ManxMan kisses. Tears.
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: AoixUruha (main), ReitaxRuki (side)
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: A painter which convictions and hopes are destroyed by a single man. A single man who would change his life.
Comments: I'm so sloooooooow but anyway it's here ~~ ^^
At dawn, Kouyou opened his eyes, slowly. As soon as his gaze fell on the familiar walls of his bedroom, he remembered where he was and what happened the day before. Without the sleepings pills, he wouldn't have had any rest, his sleep would have been haunted by nightmares. Again.
The whole house was quiet, he grabbed a cardigan and went downstairs. He stopped at the door and reassured himself.
He won't be here.
He repeated those words in his head, in a mantra, and opened the door slowly, his heart beating madly.
Nobody.
Breathing better now he closed the door behind him and started to walk around the house. He was safe now, there was no need to be worried or to feel watched.
He almost jumped and tried to hide his surprise.
- You're already awake?
- And you?
- I didn't sleep much.
Kouyou didn't need any confirmation from Yuu, the dark haired's tired face and the bags under his eyes were the evident proves he didn't have a nice night. The air of this morning of may was cold, weirdly, and Kouyou's arms tightened around his cardigan while he was scrutinizing Yuu's face.
- Will you be able to talk to the superitendent?
Kouyou had almost forgotten about it. He would have to confide everything.
- I guess so...
He looked at the small distance between him and Yuu and raised his head.
- I don't want to go there alone.
- But your father...
- No.
Yuu stared attentively at the worry in Kouyou's expression.
- He feels guilty enough, I don't want them to know more about it.
- Kouyou...
The painter pursed his lips and felt his heart speeding up a little when Yuu took his hand and caressed his cheek with the other.
- Keeping them away from what happened isn't a solution. It's going to haunt them to the point of making them sick. They are your parents, they care for you despite what they could think in the past.
Kouyou's tear filled eyes made him almost regret what he had just said.
- But I...I don't want them to know some things. I want to protect them Yuu, I gave them enough suffering until now. If I could just lighten the weight of it...
Yuu nodded, holding now Kouyou's face and wiping few tears now rolling down his cheeks.
- They'll suffer if you don't tell them anything. You don't know what's going on in their head, they might think it's their fault. Your father already does.
The blond was trying to prevent the hiccups to disturb Yuu's speech.
- He thinks he hadn't been a good father for you. So try to imagine what kind of thoughts he'd have if you keep him away from what happened...
- I don't know what to do.
Yuu brought him closer as he heard him sob, as his thin body was shaking in his embrace. He closed his eyes and was relieved they were alone, just them, trees, grass, the sky, flowers, no house near. Just them.
Yuu savoured the sweetness of the moment as Kouyou started to calm down a little.
- I'll talk to them...Later.
The dark haired smiled sadly and kissed Kouyou's forehead.
- Let's go back now, we have a long day ahead.
The painter nodded, not wanting to let go of Yuu's hand.
Yuu's eyes left the sight of the road to glance at Kouyou, on the passenger sit. He was quiet. Too quiet and it wasn't something that weird because in the past hours, Kouyou had probably talked too much. Yuu didn't know much about it, he had spent the entire time behind a glass watching the one he loved crying, calming down, talking again until the sobs and hiccups would interrupt him. A part of him was afraid to know the details while the other one was craving them.
But Yuu was thinking that it was better to learn everything from Kouyou's mouth, just the two of them and nobody else. Not a stranger who was making his job so that bastard could pay for the harm he caused to Kouyou.
But will he ever recover from it?
- Can you turn on the right at this crossroad and stop after please?
Yuu looked at Kouyou, confused.
- What?
- Stop here. Park the car alongside this road.
The painter showed a little gravel road and Yuu obeyed, curious about Kouyou's intentions. The painter left the car and started to walk through a huge field of flowers and soon turned around to wait for the dark haired who hadn't moved. When Yuu reached Kouyou, the blond took his hand and leaded him through the field and at the end of it they entered a little wood. They had just made few more steps that a little abandoned house appeared, in a clear area. Yuu raised his head up to see the blue sky, it seemed it was the only place of the wood where the light was allowed, other than piercing through the thick branches.
On the door was a sign that was saying not to enter because of a criminal investigation. The critic thought that they came here quickly earlier, after Kouyou described them the place.
After few seconds he remembered Kouyou's hand in his and they looked at each other, quiet, until the painter's voice resonated around them.
- It's here.
Yuu frowned.
- Here?
- All the times he...It's here.
- All the times? How...How many times?
Kouyou looked away. This feeling of being filth was back.
- I...I don't know.
But he knew. Each time it had happened, he had counted them like a pendulum warning about time passing by, warning about Death that was everyone's end. He finally looked at Yuu again.
- Eight times.
He felt Yuu's hand squeezing his. He was afraid to ask some questions, afraid to hurt Kouyou. Afraid to lose him.
- At first, here, it was my secret place. I could feel safe and relaxed, because at home, I was always arguing with my father.
- Because you like men too?
Kouyou nodded and let go of Yuu's hand to lean against a tree, his back to the house. No he couldn't watch it anymore, it was already too painful to be here. But he had to. He came back alone the last time and it hadn't helped to fight against the past but, Yuu was here now. Behind him, his hands on his waist and his chin on Kouyou's shoulder. And Yuu felt reassured and accepted when the painter's hands covered his.
- He used to live in a block away from our house. Our neighbour. He had a wife, they divorced a little after I went to Tokyo.
A short silence. Yuu could feel Kouyou's fingertips stroking the back of his hands, slowly.
- One day we met here, he saw me crying and started to ask questions. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone but he insisted and well, I guess at that time he had heard rumors about me going out with a guy from my highschool.
Kouyou stopped and tried to look through the few trees. He could almost see the poppies swaying with the wind in the field.
- Do you want to know everything?
Yuu left a kiss on Kouyou's shoulder.
- I want to know your fears so I could fight against them with you. So yes, everything.
The painter nodded and started to walk away, feeling this little house behind him like a shadow. Yuu followed him close as their hands were entwined and they found a spot in the large field, sat, facing each other.
- He really helped me at first. We became friends.
Yuu noticed the slight tremor in Kouyou's voice and the way his hands seemed to shake while he was playing with a daisy, his eyes only for the tiny flower.
- We would go fishing together. It was like having the father I've always missed. I would go back home all the time with the feeling that I didn't have the right father. Isn't it horrible?
Kouyou laughed nervously.
- One day I had a particular violent argument with my father, some of his friends asked him if it was true that his son was a faggot. So I left home to come in this house...And well, I guess he saw me leaving because few seconds later he was there with me.
The painter was now plucking the petals of the daisy and as soon as he had finished, he was pulling up another one to give it the same treatment.
- I was happy to see him here for me, I told him that I wished he was my real father. And then he took me in his arms and...
Eyes full of tears Kouyou looked away, taking a deep breath to prevent the sudden urge to cry to take over him.
- He started to touch me...To say he loved me, that my father was stupid because he had a great son. And he said that he was going to make me forget what happened.
A second tear followed its twin on Kouyou's other cheek. Yuu grabbed the painter's hand, hurt by the sight.
- And it was true. I completely forgot what happened because I had so much to remember from what he did to me. Even when I was asking him to stop, he never listened to me. I thought he was my friend, I thought he would always be a nice person...I couldn't recognize him Yuu. He was like a beast, no matter how much I would cry or shout, it was useless. He didn't stop and nobody heard me.
The tears were flowing now, even though Yuu was wiping them away, they would come back.
And they did.
Kouyou was almost dazed by all the tears he could have. He had spent the day doing this, talking and crying. Maybe like had told him this therapist in the past, he had to empty his heart from all the sorrow he kept there through the years. He had to share it or it would destroy him completely. Yuu was now on his knees, hugging him tight and Kouyou let go of everything. He hoped his tears would wash away the biggest part of his pain.
- It's not your fault...It never was.
Those words he had wanted to hear so much, Yuu was saying them now. He felt his warm hands framing his face and looked into his fascinating dark eyes.
- He took advantage of you.
Yuu remembered the times when they met and the stupid things he had done to him. Especially in Yutaka's restaurant, in the locker room, the forced kiss and the fear he had read in Kouyou's gaze.
So stupid.
- He was saying I liked it, that I shouldn't complain because I'm a fag. He asked me if my boyfriend was better than him.
Yuu shook his head, holding the painter tight against his chest.
- After that, he threatened me he would kill my parents if I was telling anyone. And that each time he would need me, I had to come or he would kill them.
- Fucking bastard...
Kouyou had been blackmailed and everything started to sound whole in Yuu's head. Especially why this guy had never paid for his crimes. Giving soothing strokes on Kouyou's back he forced himself to stay quiet, he would ask some questions another time .
- I couldn't go back home, and it was hurting when I was trying to move. So...So I stayed there all night long, I couldn't sleep, I was in a weird state. I would cry for a while, then I would stop and believe that everything was a dream. But the pain would always help me remember it had been real. And in the morning I was so sore I think I've walked longer than usual on my way back home.
Kouyou pulled himself away from Yuu's embrace, drying his eyes with the sleeves of his cardigan.
- Dad was already gone to work. Mom was busy cleaning and tried to talk to me but I managed to lock myself in the bathroom before she could see me. It wasn't the first time I would spend the night outside after an argument, sometimes I would go to Akira's house. At first I wanted to find him and tell him everything but, I was so lost and afraid about what Akira would think about me after that. I was in such a mess...I spent so much time cleaning myself Yuu...I scrubbed every inch of my skin. I continued to do it for a while through the years but I managed to stop in the end.
He shivered and continued:
- I couldn't do anything after that. I spent the whole day in my bed, I couldn't eat, I had a cold also, because I spent the night in this abandoned house without anything to cover me up. And the doctor came, and he couldn't guess why I was in such a state apart from the cold. He saw nothing and I didn't tell him either. And when it was time to go back to school, I couldn't either. I stayed in my bed for a whole week and one day...He came home.
Yuu listened attentively at everything. The man came to ask how was Kouyou's health, and Yuu could hardly cope with how broken the painter was while telling him the different facts. He had been terrified to see him in his bedroom, to see him smiling with his mother and being nice when the truth was another reality.
- When my mother left us alone he told me to get better quickly, that he would wait for me and that if I didn't hurry now I had recovered, he would make it worse. He threatened me again not to say anything.
Suddenly Kouyou stopped and looked into Yuu's eyes, lips quivering:
- Yuu I couldn't take the risk to doubt about his words. I was too afraid of the things he would do if I wasn't obeying...I trusted him and he turned into a complete different person so quickly that I thought he would take my parents away from me. I was so scared. It was better to subject myself to this situation than him to do anything to my parents...Because despite our arguments, I love my dad.
The critic gifted the other with a sad smile and caressed his cheek tenderly.
- How did it stop?
- Because I kind of...Escaped. I went to live with my grandfather and told my parents to tell everyone I was in some boarding school. I told them I was bullied and that I couldn't take it anymore. I think they believed me, I wasn't the same anymore. So I was studying at my grandfather's house, at the same time I went to see a therapist. He diagnosed me as severely depressive, he prescribed me antidepressants. I could hardly smile and when I did, it was thanks to my grandpa...
Instinctively, the painter looked up at the sky.
- I wish I could meet him.
Kouyou's lips stretched into a smile and he moved closer to Yuu when this one wrapped his arms around him, their foreheads stuck together.
- Your grandfather must be so proud of you now. I'm sure he is.
His vision blurred a little. Damn tears again.
- He'd be grateful to you Yuu. I'm sure he is.
The dark haired, deeply touched couldn't think about anything else than a deep kiss. And Kouyou held the critic tight against him while their mouths were re-discovering each other, stuck together again as soon as they had to part for air. Yuu couldn't grow tired of Kouyou's salty lips, tasting his pain directly from its essence. It was when Kouyou realized he had missed Yuu too much. Now he remembered how sweet his kisses were, how reassured he felt in his arms, even with all his insecurities.
Against his shoulder he could hear his heartbeats.
- I'm here for you if you let me...
Kouyou smiled against the skin of Yuu's neck, leaving a moist kiss there before replying softly:
- Thank you Yuu.
When they went back to the Takashima's house, they were welcomed by some very worried parents. During this evening Yuu went out for a walk around the neighbourhood while Kouyou was talking to his father and his mother. It was their time and they didn't need him around, besides, Yuu needed to call Akira, giving him some news about how Kouyou was doing, how he was coping with this harassing past. Takanori complained because he wanted to talk to Kouyou and Yuu laughed when Akira retorted that he was being a chick and that it was more important for Kouyou to be with his parents at this moment.
When Yuu finally went back, he found the little family preparing the dinner together. Mrs Takashima had her eyes swollen and puffy, same for Kouyou and Yuu saw the emotion in the father's gaze when he was looking at his son.
He smiled and turned around, not wanting to disturb this special moment.
A sweet kiss. His hand trailing on his thigh. A pause.
- You're quiet tonight.
Kouyou leaned better against the headboard of his teenage bedroom and Yuu took his hand to kiss his fingers. He realized it was something he'd never done for anyone. Kissing Kouyou's fingers...
- I don't talk that much usually...
- Yuu, what's wrong?
The dark haired frowned.
- We had a tough day, I'm just at loss for words.
Kouyou looked away and Yuu felt like he hadn't chosen the right things to tell. He held the other's chin and made him look into his eyes:
- Hey, I'm sure you're thinking something wrong. Don't assume you know what's in my mind because you can't unless you're some wizard.
He laughed and felt relieved to see a weak smile on Kouyou's face.
- But don't be afraid of losing me...I...I want you in my life Kouyou.
The reply was certainly the best Yuu could receive. A kiss where the painter poured so much passion that it gave the critic those famous butterflies in his stomach.
- Good night Yuu.
- Good night Kou.
Yuu's full lips pressed his a last time and when the door closed, Kouyou smiled.
Grandpa, I've found someone who can make me smile like you.
---------------------
So so so. A lot of updates are coming soon, the sequel to Stardust that would be a very short chaptered story, a oneshot I wrote for Aoi's birthday in january that I've never shared and I will post it for Uruha's birthday ♥ (I know it sounds weird but, I find this quite symbolic lol). And even Break the Rules that I've totally neglected but I met a heck of a writer's block. I guess it's getting back in my mind, what I wanted to do with this story ♥
And, there's also another oneshot I wrote, anyway, I should hurry up and update quickly after this ^^