Putting holes in happiness [CHAPTER 7]
Title: Putting holes in happiness
Chapter: 7/?
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, friendship, smut.
Warnings: Angst. Alcohol. Implied sex.
Ratings: PG-13 to NC-17
Pairings: AoixKazuki. AoixUruha. Aoix?. Uruhax?. KazukixByou. KaixOC. Rukix?...Etc.
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: "You wear your ruins well, Please run away with me to hell."
Some people have this tendency to destroy the best they have...When love is caught up in the sick web of lies and self destruction, what is left is not necessarily repaired.
"To love is to be vulnerable."
C.S Lewis
He opened his eyes and stared at the emptiness floating around. His whole being was filled with nothingness. In his head, there were ideas that dawn will never come back and that the world will live in a never-ending night.
No sun.
No light.
Just a gaping hole eating everything away until the end of every particle that was now around him. No atom left behind.
Erasing the past, present, upcoming future and leaving a dead world that would never come back from its ashes.
He wanted, he needed, the whole world to mourn his happiness. To celebrate his sadness. Flowers had to wither, kids had to stop playing, laughs should stop and colours had to disappear or switch to monochrome tones.
But this room he was in...
Gold, glitters, turquoise, burgundy.
Sheets of papers on the walls.
All around him.
An ocean of colours, a giant rainbow was keeping him in its embrace.
The feel of it was bittersweet.
The worst had been when the first rays of light had hit the room. He felt his chest exploding, he felt his entire body in agony.
That was too beautiful to bear.
Too heavy to face his sadness.
So he finally shed tears, ten hours after he had stepped into Takanori's appartment.
Ten long hours fighting against the tidal wave.
Yuu was a weak man.
Finally again.
Kazuki opened his eyes, the loneliness of his night weighing him down further in their bed.
Someone was missed here. Beside him. The only man he had ever loved.
Yuu.
Kouyou woke up after a feverish night full of nightmares and anxiousness. Even with the heater on, he had spent it shivering under the blankets, unable to find sleep and peace. But this morning wasn't different from the last others.
Thinking about Yuu was still painful.
Yutaka rubbed his eyes with much tiredness, woken up by the ringing phone under his pillow. It wasn't even his alarm but a message from Takanori.
"Yuu slept over at my place. I think something wrong happened but he won't tell me. Come over before 9 if you can."
He left his bed in a hurry to take a quick shower.
Takanori put his cellphone on the table of the kitchen, his other hand warm around the porcelain of his mug full of fresh coffee. He didn't know if Yuu had slept. He didn't know why Yuu could be so cold and quiet. It wasn't like him to act this distant with reality.
He heard steps and noticed that Yuu had showered, was fully dressed in a black suit, carrying his portfolio under his arm. What terrified Takanori the most was his face. There was an evident lack of sleep, traces of a great fatigue and all of it kept in hostage by sadness. Yuu was its captive, embraced in its bitter cage...
Takanori shook his head, standing up and rushing over his friend with worry:
- Ah look at yourself...Can I fix those ugly bags with some make-up?
Yuu sighed:
- Make-up?
Takanori rolled his eyes:
- Just concealer!
Yuu sighed and took a sit at the kitchen's table:
- Whatever.
He soon saw Takanori back with his huge make-up case and obeyed the other when he asked for him to stand still. The make up artist did his best to hide Yuu's dark bags under his eyes, humming with satisfaction when he finished. He held then a mirror in front of Yuu's face and this one grimaced:
- I look like a wax doll. You said just concealer!
Takanori laughed:
- If I only take care of your bags, it will look weird with the rest of you face. Harmony honey!
Yuu sulked:
- I look so gay.
- But you are.
- Still I don't show it off openly.
- Hu you think everyone believe you're some hetero sex symbol?
- Mostly!
- Well let me tell you that you're absolutely wrong! Every piece of you yells "Yo I'm gay give me your pretty ass please".
Yuu stood up, annoyed:
- Thank you for making me look gayer. I have to go now.
Takanori tried to stop him:
- You don't have a coffee first?
Yuu was already in the entrance, about to put his shoes on:
- No thank you, I'll buy one on my way.
Takanori nodded, worried:
- Then, will you be back tonight?
Yuu stood up straight again, grabbed his portfolio and his bag, let out a long breath and smiled sadly to his friend:
- I don't think so. Thank you for tonight, I needed it.
He opened the door and stopped on the doorway when Takanori called his name out. He turned around slightly and waited for his friend to speak again.
- You're not alone, ok? Not telling me what's happening is unfair. I'm your friend, I can be here for you.
Yuu replied with a small laugh and said, before closing the door behind:
- I know all of that, shorty.
Takanori was smoking on the rooftop of a building where there will be a photoshooting later. He was having a conversation over the phone with Yutaka.
- Sorry about earlier! I couldn't come because I had to go to Kouyou's! Poor thing he's still sick.
The make-up artist frowned:
- Oh, send him my regards!
He heard Yutaka talk, then another voice.
- Kouyou thanks you.
- Ah you're still there?
- I have a day off today, so I'm staying with him a little. By the way, what about Yuu? What happened?
Takanori sighed, he had almost forgotten that matter.
- Well, I think something was wrong with Kazuki because he slept at home tonight and wasn't feeling really good. But he wouldn't talk to me so, I don't really know.
Yutaka said while arranging the towel on Kouyou's forehead:
- I'll call him later. Message me if you get anything? See you!
Kouyou opened his tired eyes, reassured by Yutaka's warm hand around his. He didn't wait for the other to speak and simply stated:
- What happened to Yuu?
Yutaka smiled:
- Nothing too bad I hope. He slept at Takanori's last night but he didn't tell why. Maybe it's a little fight again with Kazuki.
Kouyou nodded, thoughtful:
- He was really sad the other day.
Yutaka tightened his grip slightly:
- Don't worry Kouyou. Get well soon so we can hang out with Yuu and cheer him up.
Kouyou smiled.
He smiled but deep inside, he yearned for Yuu so much it hurt.
"I hope you try to smile although life may hurt. See you soon.
Kouyou"
Yuu indeed smile although life hurt.
He decided to come back. Facing Takanori once again would mean the other would harass him to know why he deserted Kazuki and his love nest. Telling his friends was something he wanted to avoid, because it would mean admitting there was a problem. Yuu couldn't deal with the truth sometimes. It was easier to close his eyes. Easier to pretend Kazuki was his only, easier to think their love was pure.
Easier than to face all of it and take the risk to lose Kazuki.
All he had ever known.
So when he stepped in his living room that night, he noticed the table near the window nicely decorated, the candles consuming here and there, the romantic feel and the smell of food coming from the kitchen.
Kazuki appeared, elegant, wearing an apron around his thin waist and smiled sweetly at Yuu:
- Welcome back.
The dark haired stammered:
- I-I...I'm home.
The younger rushed in his arms, closed his eyes and whispered to his lover:
- I missed you.
Yuu hesitantly rubbed his back, then with more determination after a warm feeling enclosed his lonely broken heart:
- I did too.
- I cooked dinner for you. It's been a long time since we did such a thing right? We need to find each other back.
Yuu looked at Kazuki with a slight emotion. He had feared that tonight would have meant shouts and anger but finally there was love and tenderness. And he didn't want to waste such a feeling. He didn't want to choke their love but to light it up. Yuu was coming to the realisation that he loved Kazuki too much to let him go. That they both neglected each other to the extent that they almost broke up. But their bodies close, their lips stuck, so many proves that this love wasn't over.
Love, such a hated conception before. Yuu still hated love because it would make of him a fool, a dog, a desperate man. Love would give Yuu a heart.
The heartless received a cursed gift. And everyday since he had met Kazuki, he was paying its price. Love and suffering, the inseparable twins.
- To insanity.
Yuu frowned, his hips digging deeper between Kazuki's.
- What?
- I love you to insanity.
That was it. Love will drive you literaly crazy. It tyrannizes you, steals all control away and only allows you to feel.
There's no logic, fairness, reason.
Love will drive your life, whether it is supposed to be good or bad.
And Yuu Shiroyama was another puppet Love had captured.
2 weeks later...
- Look at my face!
Yutaka stared, quietly.
- My perfect face will wither soon! My glowing beauty will fade away with the horrible time passing by! Where is Dorian Gray? I want my own portrait too! I can't grow old! I have a career you know!
Yutaka looked at his nails, faking seriousness when all he wanted to do was to hit the other's head against the wall:
- There's still plastic surgery.
He pouted, considering the idea:
- Expensive though. And I can't stay away from the world for too long or else I'm digging my own grave in the fashion industry.
The door of the bathroom opened and they heard a warm velvet tone:
- You can also accept your ephemeral existence and enjoy it fully until the end. Perhaps you'll be a beautiful corpse.
Takanori tried to imitate Kouyou's cool demeanor, in vain and Yutaka smiled:
- Finally someone wise here. I thought I was having a conversation with a teenage girl.
The make-up artist gave Yutaka the finger:
- You all need some youth in the middle of your old boring age anyway.
Kouyou laughed, taking a sit.
The table was decorated in purple, pink and black tones. There were black tiny diamonds on the tablecloth, the wine glasses were all black and the plates were purple. The blonde thought that the style of it entirely matched Takanori's lively and classy personality.
For his birthday, he had ordered from an expensive caterer and bought the best champagne bottles to be found in Tokyo. Although Yutaka had proposed to cook, the make-up artist had demanded to organise the whole dinner to his own tastes.
- So do we wait for Yuu? Or is he still busy playing a game of chess with Kazuki?
Yutaka chuckled at the sexual innuendo:
- Last reply at 4 this afternoon was "I don't know, I'm busy with PSC Designs".
Takanori shook his head, exasperated:
- Did he misspell Kazuki?
Kouyou didn't smile, didn't talk, just listened and heard his heart shattering.
Takanori crossed his arms and sulked:
- I won't wait for him forever. It's my fucking birthday I'm the only one allowed to be late!
The entrance door opened and they heard a happy voice:
- Who's late? It's you guys who are early!
Takanori jumped onto his feet and rushed toward Yuu who was trying to remove his jacket while his friend was bouncing excitingly:
- We couldn't just celebrate without the Four Musketeers reunited!
The make-up artist faked to be looking for something behind Yuu, sniffling like a dog, which attitude awoke the sarcastic Yuu Shiroyama:
- Is that a new love parade? Are you on heat?
Yutaka laughed from his place and Kouyou merely smiled.
- Sweet Jesus, he came alone! Are you finally out of prison? How was Guantanamo?
Yuu sighed loudly:
- If you refer to Kazuki by Guantanamo then, yes, I came alone, he's out with Mizuki tonight.
Takanori extended his arms and shouted:
- Hallelujah!
Yutaka interrupted the younger's little show:
- Taka stop it already or else we won't see Yuu until next year!
The dark haired laughed nervously, unable to take more comments from his friends:
- Is it a vendetta or what? Sorry guys I was too busy being happy again.
Kouyou grabbed the red wine and poured himself some. Somehow the situation made him crave alcohol more than usually. Takanori punched Yuu in the arm in reply and added:
- Sorry we missed you really! Maybe it's better you erase friends from your life then you can enjoy being happy fully.
Yuu looked at his feet, a little bit ashamed:
- I'm sorry for my silence and for my need to stay away, but it's been so long since Kazuki and I felt good like in the first days. I know I neglected you all and I'm sorry for it.
Takanori smiled:
- Took you so long old fart! Now come take a sit, the best food in Tokyo will land in your plate soon!
The dark haired returned the smile and obeyed the make-up artist. He was suprised to find that his name was written on a paper in front of his plate and then noticed that he would be sat right beside Kouyou.
Kouyou.
He smiled at Yutaka and turned his head to look at Kouyou, whose gaze was busy reading the wine's origin:
- Hm...It's from an area in France called Bordeaux. Taka you didn't fool us!
They heard Takanori's voice from the kitchen:
- Quality is my motto Takashima!
Yuu completely ignored the conversation and simply said, his eyes still for Kouyou:
- How are you?
At first the blonde didn't react, too used to be invisible and meaningless to the dark haired until he heard his voice again, sure now that the question wasn't for Yutaka:
- Hm...
Yuu waited, attentive.
- How are you?
Kouyou felt distracted.
- I'm ok.
He turned his head away and smiled at Yutaka, ignoring Yuu because he couldn't deal with him anymore. He couldn't help but to emanate coldness toward him. In fact, it wasn't that he couldn't, but he didn't want to be kind. Yuu deserved a cold and spiteful Kouyou.
For the first time in days, Kouyou's love was mixed with hate.
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Back to uni means I took more time to update I'm sorry :( To tell the truth, this story inspires me so much that often I go blank when I finally sit in front of my screen lol. That is such a shame! So i've decided to note down the few plot twists to make it longer and thicker. Fact is, the only chapters already written are for later in the story hence the slow updates! I will also try to prepare a Valentine's gift to you guys, something you have waited for way too long now ♥
And I hope next update is A Series^^ take care ♥