A series of you and me [CHAPTER 17]
Title: A series of you and me
Chapters: 17/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. ANGST. WHAT ELSE?
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: AoixUruha (others?) - ReitaxRuki (?)
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
Comments: I don't know if people are still reading this. For the ones who still do, I hope you enjoyed the update :)
His expensive boots were leaving prints in the thick snow. He shivered as the wind was blowing suddenly and only hurried his steps so he'd get home faster.
This month of february was killing him. He didn't particularly affectionate winter and was tired of the snow. Today he was sick of everything. Sick he had to talk to Kouyou like he was his damn mother, sick he had to be Shiroyama's love therapist, sick that Sakai thought he was practically living with his employee, sick that Akira flirted with a pink haired waitress...
And it was at times like this, when loneliness would consume him that Takanori would remember his past and when he despised life.
- Instant noodles, a book and bed time.
He realized he was talking to himself loudly in the elevator and stared back at his reflection in the mirror with the urge to cry. He wondered why he cared to have complicated hairstyles everyday, why he cared to wear class and expensive brands. He thought as well that it might be some sick gestures to hide all the things he had deeply buried inside.
- I botched up my life. Could have studied psychology to be a successful therapist instead of being a ridiculous hairdresser with no ambition.
Ah talking to myself again out loud.
He shook his head and stepped out of the elevator, looking for his keys in his bag when he heard someone clearing their throat. He jolted from surprise and found Akira sat on the stairs next to his door with a plastic bag and a smile splattered on his face.
- Shit Suzuki you scared me!
Akira gave him a silly laugh:
- What you get for ignoring your friend's messages all day!
Takanori avoided his eyes, busy with his keys in front of his door and merely replied:
- I've had too many customers today God knows why and even had to make extra hours as a therapist, excuse me.
The whole had been said on a sarcastic tone and Akira didn't really like Takanori's defensive attitude. He followed him inside as the smaller was waiting for him at his door and he removed his shoes, worried.
- Taka, did something happen? Since when are you a therapist?
The hairdresser was near laughing but simply retorted:
- Since everyone thinks I am. I swear the next person that comes to me for advices, I'm going to shove a frying pan up their arse!
Akira grimaced and giggled:
- That would hurt!
- I hope so!
- Someone's grumpy! That's why we should drink some hot chocolate along with the brioches I bought and watch a movie.
Takanori watched his friend getting comfortable on his couch, arms crossed:
- You're not working tonight?
Akira shook his head no.
- Day off. So I can be all yours!
Takanori sighed, feelings of acting like a stupid brat taking over him and making him feel more miserable. Akira's innocence was shining against his bad dark mood, and he felt like an idiot for making a big deal out of this day. In the end, he had helped Yuu, had pushed Kouyou into a corner once again...Small things that could have a butterfly effect...
It wasn't so bad.
And Akira was here, showing him three different DVDs with the hope Takanori would pick the one he liked the most.
- What do you say?
Takanori came closer and pouted, examining the covers. After ten long seconds, he finally spoke, his arms crossed over his chest with a superior expression:
- Throw that romantic mushy movie in the toilet please and flush three times in a row.
Akira laughed and listened attentively:
- I'm not in the mood to be a little girl and curl up next to you because I'm scared. So save this one for later.
The bartender smiled:
- It's an action movie then tonight!
- Oh please point out the obvious once again, I think I'm a little retarded.
The other giggled, not hurt at all by Takanori's moody comment, only pushing him on the couch and covering his knees with a blanket before walking to the DVD player humming a song he didn't know.
- You're like the only one who laughs when I'm like this. Don't you hate it even a little? Or you're just lusting after the award of hypocrisy?
Akira turned around, frowning slightly:
- How can you even doubt me? I think you're very funny when mean. Because I know that deep down, you're such a cotton candy bear who just wants people to be happy and cuddle the shit out of you.
Akira showed his back and the silence made Takanori embarrassed.
After all, someone around was worried about him. Someone knew him enough to point out the truth. And that warmed his heart to an extent his face finally showed a smile.
And when Akira came to settle on the couch next to him, he had the same one when Takanori grabbed his arm and curled closer to him.
Another knock. Kouyou closed his eyes and shouted.
- Go the fuck away!
Another one. Kouyou felt his hands shaking of anger. His eyes were red, full, begging their owner to let it fall finally...
But he was resisting. A battle against himself and the rest of the world.
A battle including the past, the present, the future.
Incertainty and fear of what he would become. The fact he couldn't see ahead and imagine himself on the path of life was frightening. His mind was crossed with ideas of death and how maybe it could be a shelter from his sorrow.
Aroused, even by the thought of it.
Another knock troubling his agitated wandering of the mind.
He stood up from the couch, resisted the urge to throw his cup of coffee against the door and walked to it, nervously. When the knock resonated loudly, he agressively opened it:
- Go away!
Yuu's eyes. Yuu's black and shining eyes. Yuu's sad eyes. Here. Just here.
Kouyou felt his heart having one of these races...The ones he'd always get whenever a dark haired man was around. The way it made him feel like death would be the end of it.
- I...I can't handle this right now.
Kouyou stuttered and tried to close the door but Yuu's foot prevented him to do so. Kouyou looked down, at the small ray of light coming from the corridor, coming from Yuu who was blocking the door. How it was contrasting with the darkness of his apartment.
He couldn't see anymore, his eyes were invaded, flooded.
- Let me in...Please.
It was a plea. A plea Kouyou didn't really fulfill. In fact, he was just tired of constantly fighting against fate and how it would always bring the things he didn't want to have, see. Yuu was one of those things.
Kouyou dragged himself to his bedroom, not caring anymore about the fact Yuu knew where he lived, could see his most intimate space.
Yuu, left behind, closed the door and locked it carefully, quickly looked around and afraid to lose track of Kouyou, followed him. He thought that this fear was stupid but, running after Kouyou could get tiring.
He didn't want to play hide and seek anymore.
He found Kouyou on his bed, sad and empty eyes for the ceiling. He wanted to sit against his slender body but the thought of it, in regard to Kouyou's actual state, discouraged him. He didn't want to be brusque with him so he stayed still, next to the bed, admiring the man he loved to insanity.
Surprisingly, Kouyou spoke the first:
- Why are you here? We were done.
Yuu took a lungful of air, hurt.
- We aren't done you and me.
Kouyou raised his head a little, mean:
- Do I look like I want you?
Yuu didn't look away:
- You make it look like you don't. But I know what's real and what's not.
Kouyou snorted cynically:
- Oh please tell me how much you can read me.
After a silence that seemed to never end, Kouyou added:
- So? Lost your voice?
Yuu didn't move, hypnotized by Kouyou's broken state.
- Grow some balls Shiroyama. Tell me.
He was trying to get a reaction from Yuu, always using provocation. Finally, Yuu moved closer to the bed and Kouyou frowned with apprehension.
When Yuu climbed on the bed, he started panicking. He wasn't ready for such a closeness. Not at all. And when Yuu sat astride him, pinning him and grabbing his arms, Kouyou began fighting back.
Yuu had to deal with his shouts and to hold him down until tiredness finally won over him. And it was a crying Kouyou, his face a bit more emaciated than before that was looking back at him.
Yuu was afraid that the other would take advantage of him for releasing his hold, but in the end, Kouyou cried in his arms like he had never done in his entire life.
He remembered the last time he did so, he was in his mother's arms. He didn't recall the reason why, but the feeling of it broke his heart.
- Let go of everything. Just fucking cry your heart out now.
Yuu's words were making him cry more. Kouyou got almost surprised at the level of sadness buried deep inside.
An hour had passed when Kouyou's calm breath was disturbed by hiccups, result of his intense breakdown. Yuu was coming back from the kitchen with a glass of water, joking about the fact the younger must be dehydrated.
Kouyou though didn't smile, curled up on his bed like a child.
The digital clock on the nightstand was notifying it was past midnight.
- Feeling better?
Kouyou replied weakly:
- Like shit.
Yuu nodded, concerned and sat next to his body, caressing the side of his face that was turned toward the window.
- Don't touch me.
Yuu almost obeyed, his hand hesitantly pushing away strands of his hair. His hair wasn't in a ponytail, but wildly arranged around his angel face.
The phone was suddenly ringing. But Kouyou didn't show any interest for it.
- You don't take the call?
Kouyou quickly looked at it, on the nightstand and shook his head no. After few seconds, the answering machine made a bip sound and they both could hear the voice of a man.
Kouyou recognized his uncle's voice.
"Kou...It's late and I apologize if I'm waking you up. But I have some urgent news to tell you. Your mother needs you. She hasn't been eating at all since you came a month ago. The doctors keep her alive by intravenous nutrition...Sleep isn't even a solace anymore, she barely gets some unless she's given sleeping pills. Her condition is pretty bad at the moment and if she goes on, her life is threatened."
There was a long sigh from his uncle, Kouyou still looking through the window.
"I beg you...I need you to come here as soon as possible. Even if you don't do it for yourself, or for her, please, do it for me...It's my sister. My little sister and I can't just let you do nothing about it. I know you're hurt Kou, it isn't the solution though to stay away and escape what you have to face. Your mother needs you as much as you need her. And we both know that no matter what she did, you still love her. You can't detach yourself from the blood running through your veins, a blood you both share. You can't."
There was another sigh and this time Yuu could swear the man was trying to control himself to not burst out into tears. What proved him right was the way his voice seemed shaking when he talked again:
"I'm going back in her bedroom, I can't really let her be for too long. But know that she says your name everytime she's sleeping a little, she keeps having nightmares where you tell her how much you hate her. And she wakes up crying uncontrollably like when she was little...I beg you Kou. If I don't see you soon, I think our family tie will mean nothing to me anymore. I've been supporting you for so long but we've come to a critical point where I can't be on your side anymore. Well please call me when you..."
The message stopped right there, the limited time reached.
Yuu finally tore his gaze away from the phone to look at Kouyou. The other was contemplating the night sky, lost.
And it was Yuu who broke the silence first:
- I was 11 when my mother died.
Kouyou didn't look through the window anymore.
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I took time to update this story but I lacked time and I posted a new story in between, which made me neglect a bit A series. I had to kick my own ass, fueled by coffee to type the rest of this chapter. I only had the Reituki scene ready.
Anyway, next update is still a mystery and I don't know about you guys but I'm really not thrilled by the perspective of going back to university and its stressing exams u___u Good luck to anyone who's experimenting the same thing or who just has to deal with work! Thanks if you're still around ♥