Like I forsaw the future... and it sucked
So I had a really really really bad night lastnight. I went to a party in Everett, and drank a 24oz Rockstar with Captian Morgans Tattoo Spiced rum. It was good.
I didn't feel like I should be around when the new year rolled in, something spooked me earlier and I don't think I could get it out of my head. I left the party sneakily and they came to look for me, I didn't think I deserved to be there when they rang it in. I felt like shit because I had run off and spoiled the moment, I don't think they should have cared...
I had my Self-Image sink a little below rock bottom at that point, and I collapsed in on myself with depression, and anxiety attacks, and all of that... I think I cried for about 45 minutes with my friend just sitting next to me with his hand on me till like 1:00am and I sort of semi-passed out.
I felt like shit... I wanted them NOT to care at all what-so-ever about me... because of the way I felt about myself I didn't like the idea of people being concerned with me... it only shamed me when they're concerned about me, I didn't think I deserved to be worried about, with how things were going... and now I'm home, sick to my stomach and lacking sleep... I just want to curl up and die, and not have anyone feel anything at my passing, I don't feel like I deserve thier sympathy... I wanted to crawl on my stomach and apologize to them for ruining the moment, but let them know I couldn't accept they're forgiveness because I didn't feel I deserved it.
I suppose I'm alright now.. I guess... I'm going to go to bed and play some video games and figure out how to sign up for classes the day before they start, not to mention get myself grounded enough to start work the day I start classes... *sigh* Fuck Berries...
I didn't feel like I should be around when the new year rolled in, something spooked me earlier and I don't think I could get it out of my head. I left the party sneakily and they came to look for me, I didn't think I deserved to be there when they rang it in. I felt like shit because I had run off and spoiled the moment, I don't think they should have cared...
I had my Self-Image sink a little below rock bottom at that point, and I collapsed in on myself with depression, and anxiety attacks, and all of that... I think I cried for about 45 minutes with my friend just sitting next to me with his hand on me till like 1:00am and I sort of semi-passed out.
I felt like shit... I wanted them NOT to care at all what-so-ever about me... because of the way I felt about myself I didn't like the idea of people being concerned with me... it only shamed me when they're concerned about me, I didn't think I deserved to be worried about, with how things were going... and now I'm home, sick to my stomach and lacking sleep... I just want to curl up and die, and not have anyone feel anything at my passing, I don't feel like I deserve thier sympathy... I wanted to crawl on my stomach and apologize to them for ruining the moment, but let them know I couldn't accept they're forgiveness because I didn't feel I deserved it.
I suppose I'm alright now.. I guess... I'm going to go to bed and play some video games and figure out how to sign up for classes the day before they start, not to mention get myself grounded enough to start work the day I start classes... *sigh* Fuck Berries...