A new day
My ex?wife moves into her own place on Sat and I will be truly alone. It's a weird feeling and I know it's the best thing for her even though she does not want that. It's cost me a fortune really but she needs to be free of me and to have her own happy life.
She came home last night and caught me fighting on the phone with the woman I love, she didn’t deserve to hear any of that. I have no idea what she heard or how long she had been home before I found out she was there. I know I am doing the right thing by her by making her leave me because I do not deserve her.
Today is going to be a difficult day for me, so many things all happening at once and I just can't stand the thought of another fight or meaningless words just said to try and make me feel better or the situation seem right. I don't want to hear how I am the best thing in the universe ever from a person who is not with me. It all seems like lies to me now. I want so much to talk straight to her and ask her how she can be with a man she has no respect for and cheats on every week. I can't because she will always have a reason such as we are attracted to each other and weak. If that’s the only reason she should be able to get over that and besides, it’s not fair on her new man and it would really hurt him if he knew. I honestly think she should leave him for his sake and then find a new guy and start from scratch without me in her life at all or she wont have a complete life with someone else. I have told her so many times that if we spend time together it will ruin what she is trying to do and I am right but she wont stop seeing me.
Ah well, will add some more to this later as today is going to be one hell of an interesting day I would say.