torn.
A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
life is so weird. i'm just tripping i guess. right now i'm just confused.. i feel like i'm torn and fighting myself. one part of me says to stay, and another says to leave that shit alone and never look at it again. i mean, either you want to be with me or not, there ain't no middle. we can't be friends, and act like a couple and do couple things but at the same time be friends? that shit don't make no sense. either you with me or not, there ain't no if, ands or buts around it. if you gon' act like my man, and act like it in public and private then you gots to be, but if you want to pin the friend label and mess with me, and do all that shit couples do, that shit gots to go cause i don't do that with my friends.. I do that with my MAN. last night we were suppose to "talk" which didn't end up happening, I sat there staring at my purse trying to get up enough courage to leave.. just sitting on the bed telling myself to grab the back and walk out.. to just leave this shit alone because relationship arn't worth the trouble.. man.. i just kept staring at the bag.. but didn't move one inch. i don't know what it was that made me stay, the fact that i love him and unconditionally to the point i'd do or be anything for him.. or cause i'm just another plain stupid fool in love... but then i shit to myself and ask why i'm tripping anyways cause all this is over in a month... but i tried that and i still can't ignore the fact that i'm hurt.. i'm hurt i can't even put that shit into words, but i have the refusual to cry cause i don't want his pity love. ... and i get this bullshit excuse about him worrying about basketball, man fuck that excuse take that shit out of here. I ain't stupid.. i know when i females time is up. and though it hurts.. i know my time probably up... damn why do i continuiously do this to myself.. i guess he never loved me it seems, seems like all it was, was lust.. meaning he lusted for something he couldn't have in the beginning. and he lusted for the sex.. i wish i lusted for him.. but my dumbass fell in love. man.. i don't know.. it's hard to walk away but somewhere deep in my heart, i know i have to move on.. and really honestly.. tears come down my eyes when i think about it, and my heart drops to my stomach. .. i don't know i'm just gona lay my head down.. i don't even feel good.. don't even think i feel like going to school for the rest of this year... and then today.. he was texting me asking what was wrong, and i told him.. all he had to respond to that was a "WTF?" and that it.. and that has been it for the rest of the day. why can't i just meet someone that loves me and wants to be with me point blank period no excuse or bullshit intended? why does it got to be all that complicated shit? i can't be with you right now cause of __________________. the hell? how is being in a relationship stopping your fucking focus? that's some bullshit cause billionaires, athletes, and etc. have relationships and that shit don't seem to effect them at all so let me fucking know how i effect you. but whatever.. i shouldn't care.. all this shit is over in 3 weeks, but you know what.. i dont care.. this shit still bugs me and will continue to do so. it's almost a year.. i should've known this shit was gon' fall apart.. but shit it hurts to be honest.. i really loved him.. and i still do which is what really hurts me the most.
But a part of me wants to be here with you
life is so weird. i'm just tripping i guess. right now i'm just confused.. i feel like i'm torn and fighting myself. one part of me says to stay, and another says to leave that shit alone and never look at it again. i mean, either you want to be with me or not, there ain't no middle. we can't be friends, and act like a couple and do couple things but at the same time be friends? that shit don't make no sense. either you with me or not, there ain't no if, ands or buts around it. if you gon' act like my man, and act like it in public and private then you gots to be, but if you want to pin the friend label and mess with me, and do all that shit couples do, that shit gots to go cause i don't do that with my friends.. I do that with my MAN. last night we were suppose to "talk" which didn't end up happening, I sat there staring at my purse trying to get up enough courage to leave.. just sitting on the bed telling myself to grab the back and walk out.. to just leave this shit alone because relationship arn't worth the trouble.. man.. i just kept staring at the bag.. but didn't move one inch. i don't know what it was that made me stay, the fact that i love him and unconditionally to the point i'd do or be anything for him.. or cause i'm just another plain stupid fool in love... but then i shit to myself and ask why i'm tripping anyways cause all this is over in a month... but i tried that and i still can't ignore the fact that i'm hurt.. i'm hurt i can't even put that shit into words, but i have the refusual to cry cause i don't want his pity love. ... and i get this bullshit excuse about him worrying about basketball, man fuck that excuse take that shit out of here. I ain't stupid.. i know when i females time is up. and though it hurts.. i know my time probably up... damn why do i continuiously do this to myself.. i guess he never loved me it seems, seems like all it was, was lust.. meaning he lusted for something he couldn't have in the beginning. and he lusted for the sex.. i wish i lusted for him.. but my dumbass fell in love. man.. i don't know.. it's hard to walk away but somewhere deep in my heart, i know i have to move on.. and really honestly.. tears come down my eyes when i think about it, and my heart drops to my stomach. .. i don't know i'm just gona lay my head down.. i don't even feel good.. don't even think i feel like going to school for the rest of this year... and then today.. he was texting me asking what was wrong, and i told him.. all he had to respond to that was a "WTF?" and that it.. and that has been it for the rest of the day. why can't i just meet someone that loves me and wants to be with me point blank period no excuse or bullshit intended? why does it got to be all that complicated shit? i can't be with you right now cause of __________________. the hell? how is being in a relationship stopping your fucking focus? that's some bullshit cause billionaires, athletes, and etc. have relationships and that shit don't seem to effect them at all so let me fucking know how i effect you. but whatever.. i shouldn't care.. all this shit is over in 3 weeks, but you know what.. i dont care.. this shit still bugs me and will continue to do so. it's almost a year.. i should've known this shit was gon' fall apart.. but shit it hurts to be honest.. i really loved him.. and i still do which is what really hurts me the most.