Can't sleep ..
Eh. I can't sleep. I should be sleeping though since I need to return to school tomorrow, but .. I got some water, and decided to update and then go back to bed .. since my attempt to fall back to sleep a half hour ago while I was sitting in bed, failed.
Yeah .. this is going to be a long entry. Read it if you want .. I don't really care.
I went to court today. I got to go behind Judge's Chambers .. instead of having to speak infront of the whole court room. I was thankful for that, I have stage fright .. and I hate speaking in places like that outloud. I get all nervous, and my hands shake and what not .. so yeah. Things actually werent't that bad. I gave the Cheif Justice my doctor's notes for not being in school for the past two weeks .. and he thought I made them up. So he called up the Emergency Room to double-check, or some shit. He also sapina'd the doctor into court, the next time I go back. I was like, wow that's bullshit. And .. basically, if I miss one more day of school, I'm fucked. I'll go to a group home. Who feels like it? Deffinatly don't wanna be there. Anyway .. I've realized some things tonight. In the past half an' hour I was up. Well .. they are things I've realized before, kind of .. but .. I was thinking about it more into depth tonight.
Truancy is such bullshit. I don't know why the hell I put myself into this place. It's so .. stupid. It's stressful and everything .. and you know, it's not even worth it. I'll be sixteen, in July. I can drop out if I hate school as much as I thought I did. Hell, everyone is expecting me to drop out since I never show up. But .. I'm really not. I want a future. I don't wanna be a bum my whole life. And I also realized, within these two weeks I've been home because of illness .. how much it seriously sucks. It's so fucking boring. I don't know how I did it for almost two years of not going to school. I'd rather be in school .. with my friends. Everyone is there. It's so much more fun to be with them, laugh .. joke around, talk .. and even learning is fun sometimes. It's so much better then sitting home, on my ass. I learn nothing sitting here .. being sick, having headaches, whatever. I mean .. sure people get sick. But I need to cut the shit. Really. I don't want to repeat 9th grade for a 3rd year. Who feels like being sixteen, in 9th grade? I sure as hell don't. All my friends moving on and graduating without me .. and what not. It really sucks. I mean .. I have alot of friends. I'm chill with alot of people in my school. But a lot of the people I chilled with last year, and in 8th grade, and what not .. we all drifted. Because, shit changes. People change .. everyone does their own thing. But, me staying back and never being in school last year, didn't help much because I didn't keep in touch with them as much as I would have if I was in school. I'm an outgoing person. I love to be out. I love to have fun. I love to be with my friends, 24/7. And .. when I go to school, I usually do that. I'll go to school and then go out .. and be out till later, and then talk to my boyfriend, and go to bed. And my day was complete. And on the weekends, pfft. I was never around except for later at night. And when I didn't go to school .. it fucked me up, and made me not even want to go out as often as I normally want to. Now, before this week and last week .. I was going to school for about a month straight. And it wasn't even bad at all. Everyone was so proud of me. I made up a bunch of work, and everything. And then, getting sick caused me to go downhill .. all over again. School is over, in about .. a month. I don't know if I can still pass .. even with summer school. I'm going to bust my ass, though. I really .. am. I need to get back in my routine, and fix this shit. It already seems like it's too late, like last year .. but giving up is not something I do. So .. I refuse to give up. At least in the end, if I end up staying back again .. I'll know I tried. Even if it was at the last minute .. I still tried ..
Yeah .. this is going to be a long entry. Read it if you want .. I don't really care.
I went to court today. I got to go behind Judge's Chambers .. instead of having to speak infront of the whole court room. I was thankful for that, I have stage fright .. and I hate speaking in places like that outloud. I get all nervous, and my hands shake and what not .. so yeah. Things actually werent't that bad. I gave the Cheif Justice my doctor's notes for not being in school for the past two weeks .. and he thought I made them up. So he called up the Emergency Room to double-check, or some shit. He also sapina'd the doctor into court, the next time I go back. I was like, wow that's bullshit. And .. basically, if I miss one more day of school, I'm fucked. I'll go to a group home. Who feels like it? Deffinatly don't wanna be there. Anyway .. I've realized some things tonight. In the past half an' hour I was up. Well .. they are things I've realized before, kind of .. but .. I was thinking about it more into depth tonight.
Truancy is such bullshit. I don't know why the hell I put myself into this place. It's so .. stupid. It's stressful and everything .. and you know, it's not even worth it. I'll be sixteen, in July. I can drop out if I hate school as much as I thought I did. Hell, everyone is expecting me to drop out since I never show up. But .. I'm really not. I want a future. I don't wanna be a bum my whole life. And I also realized, within these two weeks I've been home because of illness .. how much it seriously sucks. It's so fucking boring. I don't know how I did it for almost two years of not going to school. I'd rather be in school .. with my friends. Everyone is there. It's so much more fun to be with them, laugh .. joke around, talk .. and even learning is fun sometimes. It's so much better then sitting home, on my ass. I learn nothing sitting here .. being sick, having headaches, whatever. I mean .. sure people get sick. But I need to cut the shit. Really. I don't want to repeat 9th grade for a 3rd year. Who feels like being sixteen, in 9th grade? I sure as hell don't. All my friends moving on and graduating without me .. and what not. It really sucks. I mean .. I have alot of friends. I'm chill with alot of people in my school. But a lot of the people I chilled with last year, and in 8th grade, and what not .. we all drifted. Because, shit changes. People change .. everyone does their own thing. But, me staying back and never being in school last year, didn't help much because I didn't keep in touch with them as much as I would have if I was in school. I'm an outgoing person. I love to be out. I love to have fun. I love to be with my friends, 24/7. And .. when I go to school, I usually do that. I'll go to school and then go out .. and be out till later, and then talk to my boyfriend, and go to bed. And my day was complete. And on the weekends, pfft. I was never around except for later at night. And when I didn't go to school .. it fucked me up, and made me not even want to go out as often as I normally want to. Now, before this week and last week .. I was going to school for about a month straight. And it wasn't even bad at all. Everyone was so proud of me. I made up a bunch of work, and everything. And then, getting sick caused me to go downhill .. all over again. School is over, in about .. a month. I don't know if I can still pass .. even with summer school. I'm going to bust my ass, though. I really .. am. I need to get back in my routine, and fix this shit. It already seems like it's too late, like last year .. but giving up is not something I do. So .. I refuse to give up. At least in the end, if I end up staying back again .. I'll know I tried. Even if it was at the last minute .. I still tried ..