(no subject)
its not easy to be hopeful all the time, and its not easy to light up the dark. Especially when dark threatens you. One of my oldest companions is eager to be in my life again- the demon of self-critique. Physically speaking, i mean. The demon that tells me i cant eat that i am fat, i will get fat. The demon that says to be physically pleasing in the eyes of men is what is important. THat i am not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough. I seek surface beauty and struggle against the bonds of self worth. i tell myself that its what on my inside that counts, that my inner beauty should shine forth, that that should be enough. BUt it never is, is it? Always count the calories, never leave off the makeup, never miss a run never half-ass a sit up count the carbs hide the unpleasing bulges wear the right clothes and never ever think that the way you look is ok because then you will forget. You will forget that to the eyes of others you are painful to look at instead of easy. Refine the painting, the picture. Strive for your idea of perfection...do not settle for less...