Oh Man...
I hate being sick. I think my body's trying to tell me I'm in over my head. I just don't think I can take it anymore. With solo & ensemble being over Saturday, that'll be one less thing to do, I guess, but if I make it to state (like my teacher is killing me to push for) then I still have to practice in the time I don't have left over after musical. I never really understood what an undertaking being a stage manager was. Everyone in cast is telling me, Oh I wish I could have your job. You just sit there and read lines. That's what I thought when I was in cast, too. But it's soooo much more than that. Besides, I think I've put in more hours in that theatre for this show alone that most of them have in all of their years here. I rarely get to go home, I don't have time for anything, I come to every single practice, and then dumb people bitch at me for being "mean" when I am doing every single damn thing I can to not turn into a bitch doing all of this. And I wish sometimes I would just let it out on them, otherwise I wouldn't have to do it online, in a journal, for all of the world to read. It's just too hard. I wish I were in cast. Sometimes I forget I'm not, like someone's just testing me or something.. I know this all sounds petty, but it was really hard for me to still do musical without doing it how I've done it forever. But, NOT doing it is completely out of the question. It's like a second home, something I could never fathom until I actually did it. I think I just need some space away from it all... you know, like SLEEP would be nice. Or actually not doing six things at once, like blocking and my homework and reading lines... see where I'm going with this?
I think I just need a break.
-Mare
I think I just need a break.
-Mare