(no subject)
We're fighting
Is anyone really surprised by that?
Because I'm not.
And of course, it's the same issues as always
Last night was awful
Yelling, swearing, condescending prattle about how I'm doing a piss-poor job (What does that even mean?)
And sure, I was mad
But I admited that I was wrong, and I apologized
And I am not going to sit there and let him treat me
Like a pet who's misbehaved and needs to be trained
Like a child who doesn't understand simple concepts
Like an employee who isn't meeting basic expectations
Like I owe him something
That's not what a relationship is supposed to be like
This afternoon wasn't much better
He went on for twelve minutes about... nothing really
Just fluff words about how he's sorry
Too bad I've heard that apology more times than I can count
Too bad the words and the actions never match up
I try so hard to change the things he doesn't like about me, but I can't really change who I am
And why should I have to make all the effort?
Saying that you're trying is not the same thing as actually trying.
He needs to be trying too.
I think he might know
So why is he picking fights with me?
Why push me away when it takes all my will power to stay at all?
I want it to be good again
This fleeting feeling
It just makes me sad to think that maybe I can't be happy with him
Maybe I really just want what I can't have
Will I ever just be content with what I do have?
I want to be happy with him
I want it to be like it was two months ago
I really just want to be happy
And I want you to be happy
And I want him to be happy too (because as much as he says to the contrary, I don't think he possibly could be)
Is anyone really surprised by that?
Because I'm not.
And of course, it's the same issues as always
Last night was awful
Yelling, swearing, condescending prattle about how I'm doing a piss-poor job (What does that even mean?)
And sure, I was mad
But I admited that I was wrong, and I apologized
And I am not going to sit there and let him treat me
Like a pet who's misbehaved and needs to be trained
Like a child who doesn't understand simple concepts
Like an employee who isn't meeting basic expectations
Like I owe him something
That's not what a relationship is supposed to be like
This afternoon wasn't much better
He went on for twelve minutes about... nothing really
Just fluff words about how he's sorry
Too bad I've heard that apology more times than I can count
Too bad the words and the actions never match up
I try so hard to change the things he doesn't like about me, but I can't really change who I am
And why should I have to make all the effort?
Saying that you're trying is not the same thing as actually trying.
He needs to be trying too.
I think he might know
So why is he picking fights with me?
Why push me away when it takes all my will power to stay at all?
I want it to be good again
This fleeting feeling
It just makes me sad to think that maybe I can't be happy with him
Maybe I really just want what I can't have
Will I ever just be content with what I do have?
I want to be happy with him
I want it to be like it was two months ago
I really just want to be happy
And I want you to be happy
And I want him to be happy too (because as much as he says to the contrary, I don't think he possibly could be)