per usual
i feel so depressed lately.... off and on.... off and on.... i just don't understand??? i told myself, after you get ur new car you'll be happy, after you get your new job you'll be happy, after michael proposes you'll be happy.... i still feel like crying all the time, yes maybe it has to do with the fact that i was diagnossed as bi-polar and then decided "my psychologist is crazy, i am normal, normal, normal, normal".... that was three years ago.... have you ever been driving and just felt like crashing your car into the median? have you ever been tempted to see what it feels like to just cut a little bit deeper??? work-out brittany and you'll be happy, eat better brittany and you'll be happy, just sleep brittany you must be tired.... it's so hard to move, so hard to think, so hard to breathe sometimes... but if i just keep it all in it's fine.... i am not bi-polar, i am not crazy, its just hormones, its just stress.... anytime michael forgets to pay attention to something, or i think i am annoying him, or when he is to busy for me, i feel like dying, and i know i imagine it...right? i must be.... but why do i still believe it? why do i crumble a little more inside.... i don't have anyone to talk to, no not anyone.... i feel like they think i am making it up.... i wish i could run away sometimes, by myself.... i still think about cutting so deep....so deep... its like an addiction.... but i tuck it away...shhhh.... no one will see it there....
i should be happy
i should be happy