Post-rush post... expect depression with a light dose of enlightenment at the end
I feel like I've been dead the past... 6 weeks? Only a third of that was rush though. The rest was film, which I actually enjoy, but which may have proved a worse problem.
My social life deteriorated last year from rush, but I was able to pick it up again and start a whole new chapter that I liked better anyway, and I'm hoping that happens again this year. I mean, thus far it seems like the Shep part has basically gone to shit, and the sorority girls are love/hate, but I've gained a lot of new film friends.
Just look at my pending housing situation: all this time I was sure I'd be living with Shep kids my senior year. But come housing, there were no Shep kids to live with. Sam, my top choice, had to accept the CA position, and if I hadn't been so blindly excited about living with her, I would have made back-up arrangements. But the news came, and I was screwed. I asked Swhit if there was room in Shephouse, but she sent me a nice, curt reply: "Hey, No, I'm afraid not. Everyone is stayin here at least, and I don't really know about else where. So sorry my dear! Sarah." I felt like I'd screwed myself over by being so absent the first half of the quarter. Thankfully, when I was back at DZ crying about it, EB asked if I wanted to live with her, insisting I would have much more fun in her apartment than in the rule-ridden Shephouse. So now I'm getting a three-bedroom with EB and Ellen. I never would have called that happening, not even two weeks ago. I'm happy about it though.
I also feel like I've lost a lot of friends because I've only been able to ask favors and not do any. I should not have taken the job as production designer. It's been great for gaining some street cred in film, but it made me grubby and useless. I keep saying if people would just ask me for stuff I would help them too, but I really don't have anything marketable to give, except for a silly hat now and then (and if you check facebook, there are about 10 DZ's wearing one of my hats in their profile pics, so I have been working that skill). What's an engineer going to ask me for? I don't have a car and they don't need props, and in most other departments- academics, social life, money- I'm just as useless. And now people are saying BJ the housemom hates me for all the stuff I've borrowed from the house, especially the bookshelves blocking the rush closet... even though rush is over. I'd love to get them out, but I fucked up my Jeep privileges, and I don't have any more friends with big cars who owe me favors. There is a guy with a truck I could be... truckin', but whenever I see him he asks about rush, which means that he doesn't see any other side to me. I'm drowning in debt from all around!
For a long time I was telling myself that rush was the one thing I was really good at, until I got the consultant report from rush, which stated otherwise. And then my advisor told me my own recruitment report sucked, and she still refuses to approve it (but won't fucking tell me what's wrong with it). And I just now got in a fight with my rush successor. So there goes that. It's not like I wanted to be good at rush anyway. I'm simultaneously enthralled and sickened by the process, and at this point I kind of want to forget it ever happened.
So all I really have left is film. I actually got called to set this weekend simply because the director likes me. That was really nice. I mean, yes, it was a waste of my time to sit in a car for seven hours because they only really needed a camera person, but what else was I going to do? Sit silently in a corner at Shephouse? Fight with people at the sorority? I still don't know film kids as well, but they seem to like me for the most part, and one of them admitted that I'm "moderately" good at what I do.
And I am pretty good at what I do. The sets Jina and me made for this film were phenomenal, despite the toll they took on my friendships. And with the sorority, I brought in a record-breaking 52 new members during my term. I've been looking through yearbooks and past reports to find my rush chair match, and damnit, I'm not finding her. So yes, I've basically been dead socially to the world the past 6 weeks, but I'm nearly convinced that the product was worth it, and in the end, I'm sure the rest will recover somehow.
My social life deteriorated last year from rush, but I was able to pick it up again and start a whole new chapter that I liked better anyway, and I'm hoping that happens again this year. I mean, thus far it seems like the Shep part has basically gone to shit, and the sorority girls are love/hate, but I've gained a lot of new film friends.
Just look at my pending housing situation: all this time I was sure I'd be living with Shep kids my senior year. But come housing, there were no Shep kids to live with. Sam, my top choice, had to accept the CA position, and if I hadn't been so blindly excited about living with her, I would have made back-up arrangements. But the news came, and I was screwed. I asked Swhit if there was room in Shephouse, but she sent me a nice, curt reply: "Hey, No, I'm afraid not. Everyone is stayin here at least, and I don't really know about else where. So sorry my dear! Sarah." I felt like I'd screwed myself over by being so absent the first half of the quarter. Thankfully, when I was back at DZ crying about it, EB asked if I wanted to live with her, insisting I would have much more fun in her apartment than in the rule-ridden Shephouse. So now I'm getting a three-bedroom with EB and Ellen. I never would have called that happening, not even two weeks ago. I'm happy about it though.
I also feel like I've lost a lot of friends because I've only been able to ask favors and not do any. I should not have taken the job as production designer. It's been great for gaining some street cred in film, but it made me grubby and useless. I keep saying if people would just ask me for stuff I would help them too, but I really don't have anything marketable to give, except for a silly hat now and then (and if you check facebook, there are about 10 DZ's wearing one of my hats in their profile pics, so I have been working that skill). What's an engineer going to ask me for? I don't have a car and they don't need props, and in most other departments- academics, social life, money- I'm just as useless. And now people are saying BJ the housemom hates me for all the stuff I've borrowed from the house, especially the bookshelves blocking the rush closet... even though rush is over. I'd love to get them out, but I fucked up my Jeep privileges, and I don't have any more friends with big cars who owe me favors. There is a guy with a truck I could be... truckin', but whenever I see him he asks about rush, which means that he doesn't see any other side to me. I'm drowning in debt from all around!
For a long time I was telling myself that rush was the one thing I was really good at, until I got the consultant report from rush, which stated otherwise. And then my advisor told me my own recruitment report sucked, and she still refuses to approve it (but won't fucking tell me what's wrong with it). And I just now got in a fight with my rush successor. So there goes that. It's not like I wanted to be good at rush anyway. I'm simultaneously enthralled and sickened by the process, and at this point I kind of want to forget it ever happened.
So all I really have left is film. I actually got called to set this weekend simply because the director likes me. That was really nice. I mean, yes, it was a waste of my time to sit in a car for seven hours because they only really needed a camera person, but what else was I going to do? Sit silently in a corner at Shephouse? Fight with people at the sorority? I still don't know film kids as well, but they seem to like me for the most part, and one of them admitted that I'm "moderately" good at what I do.
And I am pretty good at what I do. The sets Jina and me made for this film were phenomenal, despite the toll they took on my friendships. And with the sorority, I brought in a record-breaking 52 new members during my term. I've been looking through yearbooks and past reports to find my rush chair match, and damnit, I'm not finding her. So yes, I've basically been dead socially to the world the past 6 weeks, but I'm nearly convinced that the product was worth it, and in the end, I'm sure the rest will recover somehow.