Always wear socks in the winter
Why does being in the same location you were in years before always make you think about how you changed?
On saturday I took the big comprehensive exam. It was actually administered to us in the same lab room I teach in but the last time I was in there as a student was a year and a half ago during our orientation week. And I remember it so well; that was the day the town flooded. That was the day my heart was flooded with fear and loneliness. I had to forge my own way back to my apartment alone...and wet. I didn't know what the hell I was doing here. I came home and made a can of soup and read Sophie's Choice with one lamp on.
All this flooded my mind as I sat, surrounded by my peers, ready to take the test this saturday. No last minute worries. Just memories. There is this point in Jane Eyre when Jane leaves Gatehead to go to Lowood and Jane tells Betsy that she used to be afraid of her but is not afraid any more because she knows her. I know this place and I know these people; we've had two years of community and we have to go our separate ways so soon.
This made it easier to take the test; I slipped into the myriad constrictions of words so easily. I'm not 100% certain I passed but I feel good about the connections I made and I am glad it's over. Thank goodness I haven't received any other Ph.D rejection letters yet...I still have time.
I then had to pick myself up to studying for a huge Milton midterm today. I've never felt mental fatigue this bad....it felt like a charlie horse in my brain. No more learnin, please.
Things are finally slowing down and now I just sit here and wait. Wait and experiment on my cupcake recipe. Wait and read through thick Russian novels (Crime and Punishment) that have been in my fun reading piles for years. Wait and listen to Neko Case's new album. Wait in cotton dresses. Wait to become a silhouette:
Ben Franklin that is: because I always try to improve myself when i least need it.
This week i decided I would like to have lived in the 50's just so I could convincingly pull off a tweed suit skirt. Sigh. I guess it's more netflixed Mad Men episodes for me.