It's 3:00am.. Why am I up.
Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we just don't know how to take them. Or so I have discovered, this past week i have had alot of crazy things going on which has really made me question alot of things. i have realized that in life nothing is ever promised to us. people can be taken out of our lives just as quickly as they entered in. this can be in lots of different fashions.
i have had alot of relatives in and out of the hostpital this week. one of my best friend's mothers was put in the hospital earlier last week. but the biggest thing i have had to deal with was a very very good friend being taken away. by reasons that were somewhat beyond his control he was forced to move away and pretend to be someone who he is not. deny who he really is, and supposedly cease contact with all of his friends who he left behind. that really sucks. i dont understand parents sometimes, more so i dont understand ignorance.
i dont understand why people have to be ignorant, and if they are going to be.. why do they have to do it to the level that it has to effect everyone else around them. thats very selfish to me. maybe i am the only one who feels this way. but i do. because of two peoples' ignorance someone i care about is going through complete hell. and yet the culprets behind it all are still here.. kicking it like nothings wrong. sure maybe they miss him being around the house. maybe the wish he was home for dinner every now and then. but i know they are not suffering on any level like most of the other people directly involved. otherwise, if they were they would have put a stop to this.
*ugh*
Okay, i feel alittle better now. i just wanted to get that out.
But while i am here chattin it up. i think i want to approach another subject. and yes, this does kinda lean towards that dreaded subject area of dun dun dun... boys. actually just a boy. it is one of those situations where i have been unsure really, of what my feelings have been. and to be completely honest, i am still not completely sure what they are now. i know that they are there though. i know i feel something for this person. but my issue is this; do i tell him? in situations such as this, where there are friendships involved it is always very touchy. the fear of speaking up about whats inside and being shunned or forsaken. in other words "the wierdness factor" as i call it. friends all too often say that it wont change anything. everythings fine. but then you as the other person notice that indeed.. things are not that way.
So thats my situation. im scared to try and discuss my feelings right now. i would love to talk about them and figure them out. because mentioned above, i am still not completely sure of "my feelings", such as what i am looking for in sharing them and such. i just want to be open and honest. and yea, while im being honest, i would have to say that i wouldnt be opposed to pursuing something with him. but who knows.. anyone have any advice. just let me know...
as always your input is welcomed and appreciated.
-j
i have had alot of relatives in and out of the hostpital this week. one of my best friend's mothers was put in the hospital earlier last week. but the biggest thing i have had to deal with was a very very good friend being taken away. by reasons that were somewhat beyond his control he was forced to move away and pretend to be someone who he is not. deny who he really is, and supposedly cease contact with all of his friends who he left behind. that really sucks. i dont understand parents sometimes, more so i dont understand ignorance.
i dont understand why people have to be ignorant, and if they are going to be.. why do they have to do it to the level that it has to effect everyone else around them. thats very selfish to me. maybe i am the only one who feels this way. but i do. because of two peoples' ignorance someone i care about is going through complete hell. and yet the culprets behind it all are still here.. kicking it like nothings wrong. sure maybe they miss him being around the house. maybe the wish he was home for dinner every now and then. but i know they are not suffering on any level like most of the other people directly involved. otherwise, if they were they would have put a stop to this.
*ugh*
Okay, i feel alittle better now. i just wanted to get that out.
But while i am here chattin it up. i think i want to approach another subject. and yes, this does kinda lean towards that dreaded subject area of dun dun dun... boys. actually just a boy. it is one of those situations where i have been unsure really, of what my feelings have been. and to be completely honest, i am still not completely sure what they are now. i know that they are there though. i know i feel something for this person. but my issue is this; do i tell him? in situations such as this, where there are friendships involved it is always very touchy. the fear of speaking up about whats inside and being shunned or forsaken. in other words "the wierdness factor" as i call it. friends all too often say that it wont change anything. everythings fine. but then you as the other person notice that indeed.. things are not that way.
So thats my situation. im scared to try and discuss my feelings right now. i would love to talk about them and figure them out. because mentioned above, i am still not completely sure of "my feelings", such as what i am looking for in sharing them and such. i just want to be open and honest. and yea, while im being honest, i would have to say that i wouldnt be opposed to pursuing something with him. but who knows.. anyone have any advice. just let me know...
as always your input is welcomed and appreciated.
-j