A long, very long time ago, I started a de-aging fic called
Childhood Chews, which went on to become the epic wip o'doom lurking in my fannish experience. Several things went wrong with it, not the least of them that before I got the last chapter finished, I started writing fear and loathing at the Phoenix, which fucked my authorial voice up for these two significantly. Fast forward several years and a few furtive attempts, most of which have been scuppered by how very much I love bb!Draco's voice in part six and how very flat adult!Draco's voice felt after that, and we arrive at the not!fic not!challenge, which kicked me into gear.
This is not the pretty finish I’ve had in mind for years or the smexy epilogue of joy that propelled me through that fic (disclaimer/summary/notes
here), but clearly I am not ever actually going to get back and write the thing proper-like, so let’s pretend, shall we?
Awesome.
Okay. So Draco wakes up and he’s in a bed with Potter, which is alarming for oh-so-many reasons, and he’s thinking a bunch of jumbled, tangled things about how he knows it’s Potter even without looking-his smell, how does Draco know his smell, and also fuck, this promises to be awkward in a minute-and, like, how he most definitely should not be in a bed with Potter, of all people.
Because Potters are for scorning and staring at and such but they are not for cuddling or whatever it is he’s doing.
And Harry knows he’s up, of course he does, Harry’s an Auror of total BAMF, and Harry’s been patiently waiting for Draco to wake up because seriously, they have a conversation to finish and also, quite possibly some getting off to do now, thanks.
So Draco gawps and tries to scheme his way out of it but he doesn’t have his wand so no well-timed Apparation, Draco is stuck, and Harry leans over him and whispers, “Awake yet? Alert, adult, aware?”
Because Harry has had a few traumatic non-starter moments while Draco’s been aging up in his arms and Harry is hoping like hell that now he’s got proper-age!Draco so he can get the hell on with things, but it’s hard to tell. He’s had a rough moment trying to spot the differences between, say, 21 and right is all, and woe, Harry’s life.
Draco’s so busy panicking and worrying about what to do with Potter, Merlinfuck, that it doesn’t occur to him that maybe he’s been talking in his “sleep” or whatever, that maybe now Harry knows things about him Draco never meant to share, and when Harry speaks, Draco has a sharp chill jolt up his back.
Because fuck, that is Potter and that is close.
So Draco pulls some bullshit dialogue purely intended to be distancing, some sort of wildly misplaced surname use with scorn Harry just totally ignores because he’s had bb!Draco telling him off in defense of his bb!best friend and all, Harry’s had that convo with Snape without the confusion and Harry’s had ages to think the whole thing over for himself.
Harry is nowhere near as thick as Draco likes to think he is, and much as we haven’t really seen that in the fic so far, I think that’s more to do with Harry’s post-canon ability to keep things close to his chest.
Anyway, Draco pulls the arsehole dialogue and Harry sort of thinks it’s funny, it’s that transparent, and he says, “Good,” and then I think kissing, like Harry just diving in for it directly, steady and sure.
And Draco totally gets muzzy-headed about it, like mmmmm good before brain function kicks in and then he shoves Harry away and can’t quite bring himself to successfully pull off indignation, though he’s adorable when he tries.
Harry’s stupid-fond. It’s a prickly git thing.
So Harry’s all smirky and grinning despite himself, because he’s trying to be solemn to match Draco’s mood and also, because he’s picked up at some point that laughing at someone is probably not the best wooing strategy, and he has to wrangle his shit together. There may be more use of surnames here but Harry doesn’t mean them, Harry’s totally operating on the scale of Draco.
Which would alarm the fuck out of Draco if he knew, so it’s good Harry keeps quiet.
Then, idk, I think maybe Harry should be all “NO, you are not getting up yet, you are/have been unwell” but really, that’s just Harry being pragmatic about their luck. If they leave the room before they’ve got things sorted, it’s highly likely something else will go wrong. Harry thinks he’s picked this up from Hermione but really, it’s Ron and all his Malfoy-knowing ways.
(Because they are secret and reluctant mates in this fic, Draco and Ron, because Draco has advanced as a character beyond the EW ICK GRYFFINDORS stage but he has not gone nicely, Ron and Teddy and George and Neville have had to drag his arse into it, and so has Pansy with her wine.)
And Draco is sort of stupid because he’s confused and way too stubborn to admit it to Potter, that vicious Grr thief, and maybe Draco has vague memories of the two of them talking before that last potion kicked in but it’s all sort of gotten buried underneath all the really shitty memories he’s just regained. A decade of total snothood followed by another decade or so trying to move past it, to be someone better.
There is a thing about Harry, too, that makes Draco obnoxious, a self-defense mechanism he can’t kick for trying, so for all Draco’s getting on with people lately and being an adult, he can’t be that way with Potter. It’s more vulnerable than he can stand, though he’s not sure why it should be. Draco is parked firmly in denial.
So Draco says a total snothood thing and Harry sort of side-eyes him for its transparence and when Draco tries kicking out at Potter verbally again, Harry puts a stop to it.
Then Draco’s all “You don’t know that,” because he has a lot invested in Harry not knowing things about him and Harry’s like “Yeah I do” and maybe Draco mutters unpleasantly about how this is Neville lying to him, trying to make Draco seem respectable, and Harry says, “Actually, it’s Ginny.”
Which is when we get the conversational turn to Ginny Weasley and her infamous kink for heroes and how lately, she's been kinking Draco (which is why she's been such a berk all story, tbh).
And Draco has nothing to say to that because for serious, is Potter kidding, Draco is bent as a very bent thing, thanks, Draco is gay and always has been, and anyway, doesn’t everyone know Ginevra Weasley’s been pining over Potter since forever and a day, and Potter is a total emotional fuckwit who has clearly been pining back.
Which is quite probably when Harry laughs, because he’d be surprised into it, Harry totally thinks he’s been obvious, he has absconded with Draco’s childhood stuffed thing and he’s keeping it in his office, the whole of the MLE knows about Harry and his crush now and they think it’s hilarious and sort of adorable, and despite how much Harry thinks grown men shouldn’t be called things like adorable willy nilly, he can’t bring himself to counter it in any real, substantial way.
Originally I’d intended to do things with the Ginny/hero kink thing, like expand on what Draco did at Hogwarts that last year that would make her think he’s heroic and also explain how he’s such good mates with Neville and Luna, but I think I probably did that best in The Pensieve Project so what-the-fuck-ever, I am not reinventing that wheel. Suffice to say Draco has been helpful handling the Death Eaters or whatever and at least some incident he’s been involved in has convinced Ginevra he’s saved her life directly, and that if anyone asked, Neville could explain that Draco totally only did it for Harry, so he’d have his precious fairy tale relationship to come back to when the fighting’s over.
Neville would also clarify that this is because Draco’s an idiot with a big, huge blind spot where Harry’s concerned, but this is not Neville’s story and Draco would not acknowledge or appreciate the veracity of it.
The long-and-short of it is that Draco's a bit flummoxed at the concept of Ginny having some sort of crush on him, allegedly, and he’s trying to avoid the implications from Harry, so he’s like no no it is a a crush on you and Harry totally laughs at how completely ridiculous that is, like Gin’s long since given up the ghost there, everybody knows who and what Harry wants, and there would be staring.
And, like, I think Draco would just be sitting there in silent, terrible shock while Harry just slaughters all Draco’s defenses, picking them off by sort of easily talking about an assortment of things Draco’s done that make a mockery out of his claims on snothood, and at some point I think maybe Draco would ask how Harry knows, like the question would just be ripped out of him in silent desperation or whatever, and Harry would give him a gut-punch of a look and drawl out a reminder that Harry is the Ministry’s Top Auror.
This is not a thing that happens without some skill at evidence-gathering.
And Draco would be like making strangled noises or whatever, some indication of upset-panic-confusion-alarm, and Harry would be like “Not to be pushy, but are we back at the snogging time yet? It’s just, I’ve been waiting,” and Draco would maybe nod or something unconsciously and Harry would grin.
Then totally there would be making out, quite probably in some detail. Hard to say how much, though, because the whole rest of the fic’s been pretty PG so far and throwing some NC-17 in here feels random. IDK, IDEK, maybe like hard-PG-13ish stuff? Just, I think there’d be some sense of comfortable closeness and some surprise at how comfortable it is, like they’ve both put ages into steadfastly using each other as surrogates for their own self-loathing survivor’s guilt and while I haven’t really dealt with that and how it gets set aside, I think it would come up here, in how they touch.
Like I think Harry would be careful but deliberate, you know, and Draco would be like OKAY, we are making this a hormones thing, I can handle that and Harry would be like NO NO WE ARE NOT with just body language. Like I think Harry would make Draco acknowledge who he’s kissing and why he is, what precisely it is they’re both looking for, and I think it would have to be Harry because Draco’s still all fucked up from the whole miserable re-aging process and Harry, well. Harry’s had all that time to think and reach conclusions and stuff.
It’s not perfect. Draco’s pretty crap at this and Harry’s not fabulous at it, either, plus there’s this thrum of excitement playing out like nerves, and there’s this immediacy to Harry now that Draco doesn’t usually have to deal with: he’s used to watching Potter from a safe distance but this time, he can’t. Harry’s watching his mouth and laying on top of him, not even speaking, just staring and moving, and Draco’s gut flutters at how Harry’s holding Draco’s face.
It’s the sort of intimacy that should be fucking with him, because Draco really isn’t used to that, hasn’t even let himself hope he could have something like this, someone so utterly into him. Let alone Potter, who’s maybe been on the private wank list but who’s never seemed touchable, for oh-so-many reasons.
And, like, when Draco touches back, Harry’s breath hitches, and Draco’s only just running a palm down Harry’s back, stroking over his side experimentally, and Harry bites his lower lip because that’s what he does when he’s nervous or unsettled or whatever and Draco just. Cannot do another round of watching Potter abuse that pretty lip, so Draco kisses him again but it’s not hard or rough or restless at all, only just patiently correcting, and it’s far too easy to move with Potter while they kiss, to shift to one side and put Potter beside him, to ease in a little more and slip Potter beneath him.
Draco likes that a lot and Harry doesn’t argue, Harry just skims his own palms along Draco’s ribs like he’s mentally mapping territory. Harry’s a bit surprised-delighted by this turn of events, Draco taking charge, for all the flirting-from-a-distance and blatant eyeshaggery and near misses they’ve had, Harry’s still, you know, waiting for some sign Draco will meet him halfway in this, so this is where it really sinks in for him.
The sex is sort of bad, like fumbling and clumsy, but it’s all right because of how just into it they both are, so it doesn’t even matter that they don’t get past kissing and rubbing off on each other and maybe hands-in-trousers before they come because clearly, this is just the first time of many.
When Draco comes, he shuts his eyes and puts his face in Harry’s neck and clings, clutches tight to anchor himself. When Harry does, it’s just after that, when he’s got Draco all over him and holding fast, and it’s a bit like they’re the only two people in the whole world who’d understand what they need from each other but they obviously get it so it’s all right.
And Draco tries to move away afterward, like he considers it, and Harry’s not having that, Draco maybe getting all his prickly defenses back, plus Harry likes having Draco sleeping on him, like maybe they’re both secret cuddlers this once. Draco doesn’t even get to move away, he just holds his breath a moment and tenses up a little and Harry makes a sound that’s non-verbal protest straight through and when Draco peers up at him cautiously, trying to tell himself it’s all right if Harry wants a bit of space now, Harry says something about monster-guarding dragons and how Grr’s still not there.
Draco mock-accuses him of blatant Grr-thievery as he settles himself in, and Harry’s laugh rumbles through his chest when Harry invites him over to the Ministry office to pick Grr up later.
::
“It’s a Wheeze,” Draco says and Bennington stares blankly, because he’s still the utterly clueless boss, and Kingsley makes a sound of alarm he hides in a sigh.
“Of bloody course it’s a Wheeze,” Kingsley mutters, less than pleased by this turn of events.
“Why are you telling me this?” Bennington says, all ruffled affront, and Kingsley shoots a dubious look at him and says, “Because he’s leaving, I presume?” and Draco just nods. He’s worked his shitty Ministry post long enough to know there’s no advancement opportunity if he stays here, only just decades more playing potions peon to a lackwit, and the offer from George is generous enough to keep him in tea and biscuits for ages, so Draco is taking his considerable skills and walking them down the road to the Weasley labs.
Because he’s not stupid, because he’s got rather a lot invested in keeping the Top Aurors safe, Draco ends his resignation with a look at Kingsley and a quiet offer of help should they need it. Bennington sputters-he is not pleased Mafloy keeps going over his head-but they both ignore him, just sort of come to terms in the near-wordless way of two men who know the score, and when Kingsley’s thanked him and said he might take him up on it-that might is a will, Draco knows-Draco takes his leave and heads upstairs to pop by for a nooner and collect his stuffed thing.
~ the end the end ahahkakfkhjfdjkhfdjkhdf I am done now, I can throw this on my master list and maybe get bb!boys or Grr!fic for reeeeeeemix \o/ ~