I AM A TORTURED ARTIST
Everytime I scan through my friends page, I think about how I should be writing in my journal. Thus, my relationship to Livejournal reflects my relationship to most any creative endeavors at this point in my life. Lots of aspiration, but little action. This is because I have turned the idea of inaction into an addiction. The idea of taking something up, of starting something new can be inherently exciting, but it is also stressful. So I choose nothing much in the same way a drug addict chooses dope. It's relieving, calming, but at the end of the day it leaves you feeling kind of empty. Many people kill their potential (or themselves) by becoming preoccupied with the futility of life, and I recognize it's important not to fall prey to.
Reading this you may get the impression that I am consumed with some sort of existential crisis, but that's not really true. Literally everything in my life is coming together very nicely, but there is some angst I experience on a daily basis regarding my choice to not exploit any of my talent or potential, for the sake of feeling less stress. I know that I should be a writer....not a psychologist, a neuroscientist, or a porn star. However, the process is often painstaking for me because the bar I set is probably way too high. If I have done something I am proud of, everything thereafter must meet or exceed it's quality. I realize this is a common problem. I guess I am trying to figure out when to be self-critical and when to just not give a shit.
In lighter news, i have been watching the fourth season of Oz, and man, I think the show has just about jumped the shark. Some things about his season that bother me:
1 - They decide to give prisoners the option to participate in a drug study which would age them many times faster than the body normally ages, enabling them to serve multiple decade sentences in a few years I could expound for a few sentences about how silly the concept is, but I'll just say: for a show that wears it's "gritty realism" on it's sleeve as a badge of honor, well, this story arch is abso-friggin-lutely ridiculous on every level.
2 - Chinese illegal immigrants get caught from a sinking boat, and they stay in Oz while it is determined when/if they will be deported. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of nonviolent foreigners in the middle of one a prison in which someone gets killed every week should be brutally sodomized.
3 - How on earth could this prison stay open with the aforementioned persons being murdered every week?
On the plus side, there are a lot of cock shots this season. The guys on Oz are uncannily well endowed as well. There is this one prisoner, Robeson (one of the neo-nazis and Schillinger's right-hand man) who got thrown in the hole and looked like he had a foot long penis. However, turns out they gave him a penile prosthesis. Apparently they needed to provide a phallic aesthetic consistent with a person who had the tip of their cock bit off (which happened to him in an earlier season at the hands of Beecher).
Reading this you may get the impression that I am consumed with some sort of existential crisis, but that's not really true. Literally everything in my life is coming together very nicely, but there is some angst I experience on a daily basis regarding my choice to not exploit any of my talent or potential, for the sake of feeling less stress. I know that I should be a writer....not a psychologist, a neuroscientist, or a porn star. However, the process is often painstaking for me because the bar I set is probably way too high. If I have done something I am proud of, everything thereafter must meet or exceed it's quality. I realize this is a common problem. I guess I am trying to figure out when to be self-critical and when to just not give a shit.
In lighter news, i have been watching the fourth season of Oz, and man, I think the show has just about jumped the shark. Some things about his season that bother me:
1 - They decide to give prisoners the option to participate in a drug study which would age them many times faster than the body normally ages, enabling them to serve multiple decade sentences in a few years I could expound for a few sentences about how silly the concept is, but I'll just say: for a show that wears it's "gritty realism" on it's sleeve as a badge of honor, well, this story arch is abso-friggin-lutely ridiculous on every level.
2 - Chinese illegal immigrants get caught from a sinking boat, and they stay in Oz while it is determined when/if they will be deported. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of nonviolent foreigners in the middle of one a prison in which someone gets killed every week should be brutally sodomized.
3 - How on earth could this prison stay open with the aforementioned persons being murdered every week?
On the plus side, there are a lot of cock shots this season. The guys on Oz are uncannily well endowed as well. There is this one prisoner, Robeson (one of the neo-nazis and Schillinger's right-hand man) who got thrown in the hole and looked like he had a foot long penis. However, turns out they gave him a penile prosthesis. Apparently they needed to provide a phallic aesthetic consistent with a person who had the tip of their cock bit off (which happened to him in an earlier season at the hands of Beecher).