(no subject)
THIS IS MY NEW JOURNAL (the old one is gone)
Well, today at work I buried yet another kitten. fifth one this week. The whole litter was just not viable.
I was thinking today about how much harder it is for me to view animals suffering than humans. I have no trouble being an EMT and seeing all types of maladies in kids, adults, and seniors. It doesn't linger with me. It only bothers me in extreme cases. But to just see any of the animals I work with in pain bothers me intensely.
I wonder if this anamoly of my personality is normal,. or somewhat sociopathic. I feel like I have a blunted reaction to a lot of things that should bother me intensely.
I suspect that my medications are contributing to this. However to some degree I like it. Sometimes I like not feeling anxious. fearful, or depressed over things I normally should be. It allows me to put many things aside and get on with the day, and my life.
The problem is I absolutely know it blunts my positive reactions too. I mean, I can get excited about things but iI don't get that all-encompassing full body feeling of each positive emotion. It's more superficial.
gots to eat now
Well, today at work I buried yet another kitten. fifth one this week. The whole litter was just not viable.
I was thinking today about how much harder it is for me to view animals suffering than humans. I have no trouble being an EMT and seeing all types of maladies in kids, adults, and seniors. It doesn't linger with me. It only bothers me in extreme cases. But to just see any of the animals I work with in pain bothers me intensely.
I wonder if this anamoly of my personality is normal,. or somewhat sociopathic. I feel like I have a blunted reaction to a lot of things that should bother me intensely.
I suspect that my medications are contributing to this. However to some degree I like it. Sometimes I like not feeling anxious. fearful, or depressed over things I normally should be. It allows me to put many things aside and get on with the day, and my life.
The problem is I absolutely know it blunts my positive reactions too. I mean, I can get excited about things but iI don't get that all-encompassing full body feeling of each positive emotion. It's more superficial.
gots to eat now