(no subject)
I have had somewhat intense writer's block for quite a while now.
Actually, it's not limited to just writing.
I am medicated. And there is no doubt in my mind, that these meds (and one in specific) blunts my emotions. A lot of people experience this taking the ubiquitous SSRI antidepressants (i.e. prozac, zoloft, etc.) This effect is paradoxically both propitious and detrimental. I used to be able to write/draw/come up with things with great alacrity. Not so much anymore. My speaking and writing vocabulary is less sharp, as is my ability to brainstorm or problem solve. Moreover, my sex drive is weaker; I don't derive the same joy from sex or relationships that I used to. I don't even know if I could fall in love with someone in this state. I certainly don't get the same reward effect from human interaction (be it romantic or otherwise) that I used to.
The up side to this is that my emotional stress is greatly mitigated. Something that would normally make me anxious still makes me anxious, but instead of lingering for hours the anxiety dissapates within a few minutes. I am able to hold my relationships lightly and not cling to them (which I used to do). Clinging to things brings about great pain, because you aspire to maintain a perfect balance, which is impossible. It's not rational to expect that. So, I have quickly learned to hold things lightly, because only when you hold things lightly then can you fully enjoy them. By "hold lightly" i don't mean make yourself emotionally distant.....i just mean
So, I have myself a nice Catch 22 here: In most aspects fo my life, my performance anxieties are reduced, but so is my ability to perform. It especially bothers me, because I feel like I should be thinking and creating more now than at any time in my life, like this is my time to blossom into something greater. I need to decide what I am going to pursue in my life right now. But there is a major block.
I am not sure what to do.
edit: The med I am on is not an SSRI antidepressant, it is buprenorphine (an opiate)
Actually, it's not limited to just writing.
I am medicated. And there is no doubt in my mind, that these meds (and one in specific) blunts my emotions. A lot of people experience this taking the ubiquitous SSRI antidepressants (i.e. prozac, zoloft, etc.) This effect is paradoxically both propitious and detrimental. I used to be able to write/draw/come up with things with great alacrity. Not so much anymore. My speaking and writing vocabulary is less sharp, as is my ability to brainstorm or problem solve. Moreover, my sex drive is weaker; I don't derive the same joy from sex or relationships that I used to. I don't even know if I could fall in love with someone in this state. I certainly don't get the same reward effect from human interaction (be it romantic or otherwise) that I used to.
The up side to this is that my emotional stress is greatly mitigated. Something that would normally make me anxious still makes me anxious, but instead of lingering for hours the anxiety dissapates within a few minutes. I am able to hold my relationships lightly and not cling to them (which I used to do). Clinging to things brings about great pain, because you aspire to maintain a perfect balance, which is impossible. It's not rational to expect that. So, I have quickly learned to hold things lightly, because only when you hold things lightly then can you fully enjoy them. By "hold lightly" i don't mean make yourself emotionally distant.....i just mean
So, I have myself a nice Catch 22 here: In most aspects fo my life, my performance anxieties are reduced, but so is my ability to perform. It especially bothers me, because I feel like I should be thinking and creating more now than at any time in my life, like this is my time to blossom into something greater. I need to decide what I am going to pursue in my life right now. But there is a major block.
I am not sure what to do.
edit: The med I am on is not an SSRI antidepressant, it is buprenorphine (an opiate)