I feel like swearing...
I'm currently a mixture of sobbing and irateness! It was all so simple...go to youth group, talk to Joe and Shannon. idk what happened...Tim talk tonight and I didn't exactly feel as though he was explaining himself very well, therefore people (the people who were paying attention) were getting the wrong ideas, etc... I just wasn't very happy with it and it really stinks cause I really liked Tim, but the way he was tonight...well I question him in a few areas and that new development was discouraging for me. Then...after youth group I sit down to talk to Joe and Shannon, not feeling very comfortable that Tyler and Tara were in there but I couldn't very well kick them out. Anyhow, so we're talking and Joe says something about how things are getting so bad with this generation and how I probably don't know since I don't go to public school...(one of those lines) and I stop him and am like, 'Joe, please, just because I'm homeschooled doesn't mean I'm sheltered and stuff'...Joe says something along the lines of, 'oh no, I don't...' and Tyler leans over (raising his hand) and says with one of those sarcastic, condescending smiles, 'I do!' UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who in the world asked him?????? That happened at like the begining of the conversation and so I couldn't think very clear for the rest of it, which made me SO mad! I don't even know why it upset me so much...I mean, it's not like that's the first time I've encountered someone who thought all homeschoolers are sheltered. For some reason Tyler just has a way of irking people...and maybe it's also because he represents how I feel the rest of my church thinks alot of times and that just...irritates me to death! You know, they rely on me and my family and then they turn around with the condescending look and...ugh! I want to scream and swear and cry all at the same time! Plus, Joe and Shannon said they agree with me about the youth group and thats why they're going to have a meeting with Pastor, "cause who better to give them some ideas then him?"...which irks me too, cause right now I'm just really struggling with giving pastor respect. I mean...I just don't understand why so many people rant and rave about him! Like he's just this amazing...you know what? never mind...I should just stop before I go way too far here. It's just...all those teens...all those kids...what's gonna happen to all of them?? who's going to direct and mentor them?? I just wish I could do more...all my irritation and anger, etc... it seriously is only there because it stems from my heart breaking for the church...this isn't the way it was meant to be...