Icecream for teh win
I got lost again yesterday. I was driving around for half an hour trying to find the bloody Post Office depot to go and pick up my CLAMP White Newtype-thing but I couldn't find it. And then when we went out to Blockbusters later Faye showed me where it was, and it was about 100m from where I'd been earlier in the morning >_> The good news, though, is that Blockbusters sold the fabled Ben and Jerry's icecream 'Wich. *worships*
Anyway, let the fangirling commence.
I bought Bokudake no Ousama and decided that Tal would look especially lovely in Lily Hoshino's style. And he does <3 A little bit shota, of course, as Hoshino-sensei's uke boys tend to be ^^; He's actually 18/19/something like that, but there is shota-ness in his past but that is the nature of his Tragic Past (TM) and not supposed to be hot ^^;
~~
AN: Because a) dammit I want more KuroFay-ish chapters and b) smut is good. I know it's a bit crappy but I did write it in half an hour xD And I reiterate: smutisgood.
Running and Hiding
We're alone in the room. Syaoran is next door, with Sakura, watching her as she sleeps a healing sleep and lost in his thoughts.
I didn't want to be the one doing this, but imagining anyone else doing it fills me with an angry jealousy that scares me. So I rub the herb-y smelling ointment into Kurogane's back where his tanned skin bears the burns of my magic - still mine, even if it wasn't wielded by me. My fingers press harder, massaging the less-hurt parts to try and ease his stiffness and his stress. He groans, letting his head fall back slightly, and a disturbing thrill shivers through me at seeing his neck bared to me like that; I can see his pulse there and it awakens the alien hunger in me. Afraid suddenly, my hands fall from his back and I look away.
"You're still angry with me?" He turns to face me.
I don't answer him. My lips curve into their smiling mask, though it doesn't feel so secure anymore.
"Dammit!" He grabs my chin, making me look at him. "If you're angry with me, fine. But if you're angry, stop smiling."
"Now, you know I can't do that, Kurogane." He flinches slightly at my using his name, and looks away. Spite and worry and anger and gladness all rise in me; I'm hurting him - which makes me feel both a spiteful gladness and guilt - and I'm pushing him away - which is what I want and the last thing I want, all at the same time.
"I know you're angry. I saved your life when you didn't want saving. But I couldn't just let you die. I didn't want to live without-"
I dart forward to kiss him to stop him from finishing that sentence. I don't want to hear it. My weight overbalances him and he falls to the mattress with me on top of him. The kiss is hard and needing but I don't let a trace of emotion to leak into it. Maybe a fuck will distract him - and me - and it will sate at least one of my desires. The remnants of his shirt are already on the floor, and in record time the rest of our clothes follow. He pushes his fingers into my mouth, lubricating them, and then moves them around and down and they're inside me. I shudder at the feeling, the delicious feeling of him slowly fucking me with his fingers, first one, then two, and I'm gasping by the time there are three inside me. He pulls them out and I lower my head to suck him, making him wet. The proximity of all the blood makes me feel dizzy, all sorts of desires mixing inside me and I pull back and position myself over him. He reaches for my hips but before his hands touch me I thrust myself down, impaling myself on him. It hurts - which I intended - and a sharp exhale of breath hisses between my teeth. This is sex, this is fucking - nothing to do with love, nothing at all.
I keep it fast and hard, but still my mind betrays me.
See how right this feels? See how perfectly he fits inside you? Like nothing you've ever known before.
And I can't help but feel it; feel how we move together, how completely in rhythm we are with each other (and not just with sex, either my betraying mind whispers).
Kurogane's fingers are in my hair and he pulls my head down to kiss him. I may be trying to keep the emotions hidden away but he's doing nothing of the kind. The lips on mine speak clearly to me of his need, his fear and hurt and tenderness. The clarity of the way I feel his emotions must be something to do with my vampirism, and they touch me more deeply that I like. It pushes me over the edge; we come together, still entangled in our kiss; my emotional circuits are fried.
"I love you," Kurogane whispers hoarsely, his lips still pressed against mine. "I love you and I nearly lost you." I can sense now how utterly terrified he was when he saw Syaoran holding my unconscious body, when he thought I was dead. How he would have done anything - anything - to save me; and how when he thought the Space-time Witch was going to deny him that opportunity he nearly lost it, like he had before. These new vampiric senses would have let me push deeper into his mind to see when this before was but I'm too scared - too scared of these new powers, too scared of what I might see.
"You can't," I whisper, sounding terrified. "You can't love me." He pulls back a little to look at me. "You can't, and I can't..."
He looks seriously for me at a long moment, then shakes his head, looking sad. "Will you ever trust me enough to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"
I move, hiding my face against his shoulder. I don't want to talk any more. I just want to stay here, feeling the false sense of security that his hard, warm body provides. I start to calm down and relax despite myself.
"One day," I say to placate him and stop him asking questions, but it sounds - even to me - more like a promise.
~~
I also need more icons :P
Anyway, let the fangirling commence.
I bought Bokudake no Ousama and decided that Tal would look especially lovely in Lily Hoshino's style. And he does <3 A little bit shota, of course, as Hoshino-sensei's uke boys tend to be ^^; He's actually 18/19/something like that, but there is shota-ness in his past but that is the nature of his Tragic Past (TM) and not supposed to be hot ^^;
~~
AN: Because a) dammit I want more KuroFay-ish chapters and b) smut is good. I know it's a bit crappy but I did write it in half an hour xD And I reiterate: smutisgood.
Running and Hiding
We're alone in the room. Syaoran is next door, with Sakura, watching her as she sleeps a healing sleep and lost in his thoughts.
I didn't want to be the one doing this, but imagining anyone else doing it fills me with an angry jealousy that scares me. So I rub the herb-y smelling ointment into Kurogane's back where his tanned skin bears the burns of my magic - still mine, even if it wasn't wielded by me. My fingers press harder, massaging the less-hurt parts to try and ease his stiffness and his stress. He groans, letting his head fall back slightly, and a disturbing thrill shivers through me at seeing his neck bared to me like that; I can see his pulse there and it awakens the alien hunger in me. Afraid suddenly, my hands fall from his back and I look away.
"You're still angry with me?" He turns to face me.
I don't answer him. My lips curve into their smiling mask, though it doesn't feel so secure anymore.
"Dammit!" He grabs my chin, making me look at him. "If you're angry with me, fine. But if you're angry, stop smiling."
"Now, you know I can't do that, Kurogane." He flinches slightly at my using his name, and looks away. Spite and worry and anger and gladness all rise in me; I'm hurting him - which makes me feel both a spiteful gladness and guilt - and I'm pushing him away - which is what I want and the last thing I want, all at the same time.
"I know you're angry. I saved your life when you didn't want saving. But I couldn't just let you die. I didn't want to live without-"
I dart forward to kiss him to stop him from finishing that sentence. I don't want to hear it. My weight overbalances him and he falls to the mattress with me on top of him. The kiss is hard and needing but I don't let a trace of emotion to leak into it. Maybe a fuck will distract him - and me - and it will sate at least one of my desires. The remnants of his shirt are already on the floor, and in record time the rest of our clothes follow. He pushes his fingers into my mouth, lubricating them, and then moves them around and down and they're inside me. I shudder at the feeling, the delicious feeling of him slowly fucking me with his fingers, first one, then two, and I'm gasping by the time there are three inside me. He pulls them out and I lower my head to suck him, making him wet. The proximity of all the blood makes me feel dizzy, all sorts of desires mixing inside me and I pull back and position myself over him. He reaches for my hips but before his hands touch me I thrust myself down, impaling myself on him. It hurts - which I intended - and a sharp exhale of breath hisses between my teeth. This is sex, this is fucking - nothing to do with love, nothing at all.
I keep it fast and hard, but still my mind betrays me.
See how right this feels? See how perfectly he fits inside you? Like nothing you've ever known before.
And I can't help but feel it; feel how we move together, how completely in rhythm we are with each other (and not just with sex, either my betraying mind whispers).
Kurogane's fingers are in my hair and he pulls my head down to kiss him. I may be trying to keep the emotions hidden away but he's doing nothing of the kind. The lips on mine speak clearly to me of his need, his fear and hurt and tenderness. The clarity of the way I feel his emotions must be something to do with my vampirism, and they touch me more deeply that I like. It pushes me over the edge; we come together, still entangled in our kiss; my emotional circuits are fried.
"I love you," Kurogane whispers hoarsely, his lips still pressed against mine. "I love you and I nearly lost you." I can sense now how utterly terrified he was when he saw Syaoran holding my unconscious body, when he thought I was dead. How he would have done anything - anything - to save me; and how when he thought the Space-time Witch was going to deny him that opportunity he nearly lost it, like he had before. These new vampiric senses would have let me push deeper into his mind to see when this before was but I'm too scared - too scared of these new powers, too scared of what I might see.
"You can't," I whisper, sounding terrified. "You can't love me." He pulls back a little to look at me. "You can't, and I can't..."
He looks seriously for me at a long moment, then shakes his head, looking sad. "Will you ever trust me enough to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"
I move, hiding my face against his shoulder. I don't want to talk any more. I just want to stay here, feeling the false sense of security that his hard, warm body provides. I start to calm down and relax despite myself.
"One day," I say to placate him and stop him asking questions, but it sounds - even to me - more like a promise.
~~
I also need more icons :P