To follow the Latter Path - Promises of Desperate Conversations
Title: To follow the Latter Path
Genre: Fantasy, AU, Action/Adventure, Mild Angst, Fluff, Romance, Humor
Pairings: Tao/Sehun, Chen/Lay, mentions of Xiumin/Luhan and Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In a world where people can defy the laws of nature, rules are necessary. But rules, when made and handled by fallible humans can cause pain and hurt instead. But like with life, one could choose to react with bitterness or to transfer that pain into something fruitful instead. These are the stories of those who chose to follow the latter path.
[A/N: For ConfesstoShisus over at AFF. Her original prompt was "Now there's an aching in my back; a stabbing pain that says I lack the common sense and confidence to bring an end to promises that I make in times of desperate conversation." but it's seriously barely there.]
~*~
Jongdae had first met Yixing the very day he and Minseok had decided to execute their plan to default to the other side.
They had planned to be captured and then when taken into custody, they would tell whoever interrogating them about their plan to default. They figured two high-profile generals from the enemy side would get someone high-level enough to get something done about it. But of course, plans have a habit of not working always exactly as planned, so although they did get captured, Jongdae had underestimated the amount of hurt and abuse he would receive when getting taken in. So he was dripping blood all over the grey floors of the interrogation cell when three guys who looked about his age or even younger walked in.
He hadn't even opened his mouth when the middle one said. "He's the same as the other one. They both want to defect."
"So, they're safe then."
"I wouldn't call them safe..."
"You know what I mean. So we'll report back to the higher-ups then."
"Don't know what they'll do with this information though."
The second boy - boy because of the childish way this one grinned. "I don't need to look into the future to know what they'll do, Luhan-ge. They'll be asked to act as spies, probably."
"Are you sure, Tao? Because that would mean a lot of risks. Even if they're sure about defaulting now, there isn't any guarantee that they wouldn't betray us in the future - they might just do it again to save their own skins, but to us this time. The higher ups wouldn't go for it."
"The higher ups are also desperate, which is why they formed our team in the first place, Luhan-ge." the one called Tao countered while Jongdae listened, puzzled, at the contents of the conversation they were having about him while clearly having forgotten that he was right there.
He jumped when there's a hand suddenly touching his shoulder, and by reflex, he almost summoned his power to zap the person who had committed the offence. But the hand raised in a gesture of surrender, and Jongdae blinked as he took in the appearance of the third man standing beside him, a questioning look on his face.
"You're hurt." The last man said in explanation, pointing at the blood seeping from Jongdae's side. "You'll probably survive for another hour but there was a curse put into the cut so it won't stop flowing on its own," well that explained why it hurt like a bitch. "Do you mind if I heal it?"
Jongdae blinked. "But curse wounds are hard to heal. If you just press energy into it, it's just going to open back up."
"Don't worry about it," the other man said. And Jongdae was a bit skeptical at first because there was this dreamy look around this other man that said that he wasn't always there mentally. But then, what did Jongdae have to lose? So he nodded.
He had watched as the other man had just simply place a hand over the wound, a look of bewilderment on his face as Jongdae felt a foreign energy enter into his body signalling the start of the healing. But the wound hadn't closed up and Jongdae had thought that yeah, this man had probably overestimated himself and then the energy flexed.
There was a searing heat in his side that made Jongdae yelp and nearly topple his seat over from the jump he gave. But the other man held him down until the heat had gone and suddenly, Jongdae felt eons better.
The other man lifted Jongdae's shirt to check the wound, and stunned as he was, Jongdae let him. Sure enough, the wound was gone and all that was left was unblemished skin - not even a scar. Jongdae turned to stare at the other man who just gave him a slow grin. He must be a highly accomplished healer - Jongdae hadn't met anyone who could heal such a curse wound without some sort of extra spell or tool and it would have definitely left a scar - and Jongdae had met some pretty powerful healers in his stint so far as anarchist right-hand man.
Then, now that his brain was no longer swooning from blood-loss, Jongdae realized something. "Wait, why did you heal me? I'm the enemy."
"Well, Luhan-ge already said you came here to default so you're safe." The man nodded as if his sentence made sense. "Besides, even if you were, I would still heal you since I can."
Jongdae stared. "But why?"
The man's smile turned a little sad. "Redemption. Maybe."
Jongdae puzzled about that answer for a long while, which puzzled him. He wasn't one who would brood over things like this. And it had only been by chance that he'd learned the man's name - Tao had called it out when they left the cell, telling Yixing that they'd leave him if he didn't come with them now.
And yet, that night, he found himself mulling over the curious conversation and general existence of the healer named Yixing.
~*~
Of course, at that time, he hadn't know about the team called the Shadow team. The team that had been formed to support the new elite (and pain-in-the-backside) strike-force they called the Alpha team. It was a team meant to stay in the shadows, because what they did wasn't exactly all legal. While the Alpha team was all action and flashy techniques and flat-out fighting the forces of evil kind of thing, the Shadow team had been made to make sure that the Alpha team stayed that way. And when they said 'make sure', they had meant ever single possible way.
The team had been made up of only three people then - Luhan, whom Jongdae was told was telepathic, and whose role was to get all the secrets from people's minds with or without their permission. That Jongdae hadn't even felt Luhan rummaging through his mind said heaps about how skilled Luhan was. But it chilled Jongdae somewhat that such a powerful telepath had broken the first and foremost rule that all Telepaths had to follow and had escaped the normally severe punishment because the order had come from high.
The second had been Tao, whose power was the manipulation of time and to some extent, seeing the future. The reason why he was in the shadow team was obvious - people with powers having to do with time had always been mistrusted because if someone could meddle with time, they could meddle with the course of history; and there had been a few notorious cases throughout where that had happened. Safe to say, those hadn't ended well. And while Tao was mostly used to see the possibilities of the future now, having not gone beyond party tricks with his main power, just the mere existence of such a person caused a chill in Jongdae's bones that he just couldn't shake.
And there was Yixing. Yixing had been the answer to the mystery of the report that had been handed to him from another anarchist leader who had been trying to puzzle it out. Some of the scientists had done an autopsy on a few dead comrades they'd managed to retrieve and they'd found that although the bodies had been sliced opened, that hadn't been the cause of death. Indeed, the slices were only there to deceive. They had all apparently, just died of a lack of... life. And as it was, Yixing was the sole person in charge of healing the Alpha and Shadow teams. But Jongdae knew the damage that the Alpha team took, having inflicted quite a bit of it himself before - and there was no way humanly that a single healer could keep healing them so that they always appeared to be in full strength for every fight. Jongdae had thought the Alpha team were being supported in teams of healers. But apparently no, there was only Yixing, because Yixing had broken his oath as a healer never to kill people with his power and he had been taking the life force of their enemies as energy to knit back the broken bones and split flesh of the Alpha team.
They'd seemed so normal and happy and kind in that interrogation room. Then again, Jongdae reminded himself with some ruefulness - Minseok says that he's always so calm and unassuming in real life that most of the time it's hard to believe that Jongdae was also called the Nuisin because of his fearsome reputation on the battlefield, striking down all in his path without mercy like a demon. So, actually, he was in no position to judge them at all.
But it still makes him think twice about having defaulted when he learns that he will essentially be put in the same team as these terrifying people. Minseok, that closet sadist, had only been amused that the 'side of light' actually had, as he said, 'naughty pairs of underwear to show off when it wanted to'. But Jongdae had defaulted for a reason - he had seen the result of having no rules to reign people like them in. Those who were powerful trampled all over the weak - and that hadn't been why he'd joined. He'd joined simply because he'd been tired of hiding all the time and the idea of letting the world know about their presence had been intoxicating. But he hadn't counted on realizing that the leader of his side was a freaking power-hungry lunatic and he wanted to let the world know of the presence of people like them only because he wanted to rule it.
And so learning that the side he had defaulted to would too result in rule-breaking when desperate... well, the idea of defaulting lost its appeal.
But it had already been done, and Jongdae couldn't escape unless he defaulted back and betrayed this side - but that would most likely result him being killed before he could do anything (Luhan would get wind of any plotting the minute Jongdae thought about it, probably). But he did comfort himself with the idea that although some rules had been broken, those three were bound by even more so to prevent them from going out of hand.
~*~
A couple months down the line and Jongdae had already toyed with murderous thoughts concerning the Alpha team for a frightening amount of times. They made it so hard for Jongdae to cover up for them sometimes. Some of them were just a bunch of kids who happened to have ridiculously strong powers really. Take that pair Chanyeol and Baekhyun for example. Chanyeol was too busy being a crazy arsonist most of the time and that had their leader half-distracted because his power was the one which could directly put out the unnecessary flames. Baekhyun would be too distracted by Chanyeol to effectively do anything either, always trying to restrain Chanyeol but ending up getting unwittingly dragged along with the other's schemes. Sehun was... okay, but he was too flighty most of the times, liable to run headlong into a fight, probably because of his connection with the wind.
The only halfway competent members were Kai and Kyungsoo really - but they couldn't be a team on their own. Maybe if Kris was still with them, they'd be a little less disastrous - but Kris had opted to go into the Shadow team for the reasons of wanted to support his friends. Tao was like a little brother to him, and he'd seen the way the Shadow team had operated without a leader to direct them, all exhausting themselves to the bone with work. Now with Kris at its head, the Shadow team was operating much more efficiently, and Jongdae was infinitely grateful for that. Unfortunately, there was only that much efficient you could be with bumbling idiots from the Alpha team adding to your never-ending workload.
"They are pretty pampered by us if you think about it." Jongdae jumped five feet into the air at the voice, turning to glare at Luhan when he recovered. Kai gave Luhan a strange look, glancing at Yixing who just shrugged. Kai shrugged too, giving Jongdae a small wave before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Luhan smiled a little at Kai's nonchalance before continuing his sentence. "But don't be so hard on them. After all, we're darkening ourselves so that they can continue to be carefree after all."
And Luhan walked out, grinning as if proud of himself. Or possibly, because he's looking forward to buggering Minseok again instead of just reading Minseok's mind and then leaving and not giving closet sadist Minseok all the stories that he could use to torture Jongdae just to see him squirm.
"Actually, Xiumin is going to do the buggering today." Was the cheeky call and Jongdae groaned, banging his head against the nearest hard surface in an attempt not to think about it.
Yixing was laughing quietly, and Jongdae turned to glare at the other man. "It's not funny."
"It is actually." Yixing grinned.
"Stupid Luhan." Jongdae grumbled sitting down to rub his face.
"You shouldn't be too hard on him you know, Chen." Yixing chided.
"Why not?"
"Because he didn't give you away when you had thoughts about betraying us when you found out about the Shadow team all those months ago?"
Jongdae looked up, eyes widening. "That was just a random thought. I didn't mean it."
"Luhan-ge only reads thoughts, he doesn't read the emotions behind them, although he's pretty accurate with his guesses. So, whether you meant it in just or not, Luhan would have been obligated to report it to the higher ups anyway." Yixing explained. "But he didn't. It might have caused you to have been killed because the higher ups deemed you too much of a security risk."
The chill that ran down Jongdae's spine was sharp. "I'm glad he didn't. It honestly was just a random thought."
"He thought so too." Yixing smiled, then his eyes focused on Jongdae properly and he let out a sigh. "You're hurt again."
Jongdae looked down at his arm where there was a huge bandage covering it. "Yeah well, it's thanks to our dear Alpha team. I had to go into a fire and pretend to have cornered Chanyeol and Baekhyun and then after that kill all of my subordinates whilst making sure that no one else saw. After that I had to pretend to be hurt by Chanyeol and Baekhyun and then make a huge explosion so that it would seem that I actually died so that we can have some time to have this little chat together. So excuse me if I actually got hurt in the middle of all the pretend hurt."
Yixing shook his head wryly. "But you could have said something the moment I came in."
"You don't need to heal it." Jongdae replied uncomfortably, pulling his hand away from Yixing's grasp.
He hadn't expected Yixing's face to fall like that. "I... Something like this I don't need to take a life force from someone else to heal. I do it with my own strength."
"What? No, it's not that-"
But Yixing's face only crumpled further. "Ah... so it's because you don't want a monster like me to touch you. I understand."
Jongdae was aghast. "What? No, you're not a monster..."
"Don't need to sugar-coat it. I am." Yixing's voice was uncharacteristically flat. "I'm a monster who broke my healer's oath so that I could heal beyond my means. I'm healer who kills with his own power - a travesty. I know it - I purposely chose to after all. You're right to be afraid of me."
But Jongdae hadn't been afraid of Yixing in a long, long while. He'd come to realize what kind of people Yixing, Luhan and Tao really were over the months. And so, he grabbed Yixing's hands to make a point. "Look. You're wrong. I was wrong to think that about you all those months ago when I first met you. You're not a monster. You broke those oaths so that you could protect the lives of those idiots. I don't know why you chose to do so, but that's the fact. You broke your oath not for your own means or purposes, but because you wanted to keep your friends alive, and that makes you a hero, not a monster - not by any means."
Yixing stared at where Jongdae's hands were gripping his, as if he couldn't believe that Jongdae was touching him. "I... what? Then... why won't you let me heal you?"
Jongdae was pretty sure that his cheeks were flaming red now. And he let go of Yixing's hands like they were hot burning coals. "I... well..." He spluttered at Yixing's look of surprise, quickly fixing his eyes on the floor like it's the most interesting thing in the world. "I just... didn't want you to waste your energy healing something small like this. Even taking the life force of others puts a drain on yourself. Besides, with the Alpha team being like this, I'm sure you have your hands full already."
Yixing was so quiet that Jongdae couldn't help but sneak a look at the other, and he's surprised to find Yixing beaming at him so brightly Jongdae thought he'd get blinded by the light. He yelped when Yixing picked up his arm and there's a cooling sensation down his arm and then his arm didn't hurt anymore. "There, all better. See it's no trouble for me at all."
Jongdae just nodded mutely, but before he could say anything else. Kai appeared in a puff of smoke, and Luhan came out of the other room, tucking in his pants with Minseok trailing from behind him. The rendezvous was obviously over.
But even after they all had left and Jongdae was left to deal with a evilly-grinning Minseok and they still had to plan how they were going to re-emerge from being dead while being convincing, Jongdae found himself thinking about Yixing and the way his hands had fit perfectly into his own.
~*~
Yixing woke to a pair of extremely worried brown eyes. He groaned a little as he tried to sit up, only to have the other's hands supporting him back up.
"How long was I out?" He croaked, sipping at the cup of water put at his lips. "Is Tao okay?"
"You weren't out for too long. And Tao is resting. He's perfectly fine, thanks to you."
"Oh... good..." Yixing breathed out, then his mind focused and his eyes widened as he turned to gap at the person sitting behind him. "Chen! What are you doing here?!"
"To scold you obviously. What the shit did you think you were doing?" Jongdae swallowed back the more severe rants that he'd wanted to yell. Yixing probably wasn't strong enough for them yet.
"I... I just couldn't let him die." Yixing stammered. "He was... coughing up blood... and I...
Jongdae rubbed his face, he was being unfair, scolding Yixing like this. Yixing had only been trying to save a friend's life. And Tao, Tao had been trying to save all of the Alpha team's lives since they'd been stupid again and gotten themselves killed. And so he'd finally broken the basic rule of having his power and turned back time so he could bring back to life. Obviously, the toll exacted on his body for such a feat was beyond what most humans could take. And even Yixing, exhausting the resources that he'd been gathering for three months, had barely saved Tao and had been on death's door himself.
Jongdae had turned pale when he'd heard the news from a wild-eyed Kai. And he'd demanded to be taken to HQ immediately, consequences be damned.
"Anyway, you shouldn't be here, what if your cover is blown? You should go back no- Chen?!"
Yixing stared, appalled as tears spilled from Jongdae's eyes. He's unprepared for the crushing hug he's enveloped in, but he stilled when he heard Jongdae whispering. "Goddamnit, Yixing. You nearly died."
"I... it was for Tao's sake, and indirectly, I was doing my job, because Tao had been protecting the Alpha team." Yixing murmured back, pulling back and lifting his hands so that he could wipe the tears falling from Jongdae's eyes. "I would have died in the line of duty."
"I... I know..." Jongdae sobbed, looking away in shame. "I just... it's a selfish thing. I don't want you to die."
Yixing blinked at that, a small silver of hope in his face as he gently asked. "Why not?"
"Because I think I love you, you idiot." Jongdae was so relieved that he didn't even care if he'd just humiliated himself and had just confessed to someone who probably didn't return his feelings and he was just sobbing like a baby in front of and of course Yixing had to just go and kiss him- oh.
Yixing was kissing him.
Oh.
When they finally broke apart. Jongdae was quiet, and slightly in awe. The questions were swirling in his head, and the only thing that could come out of his mouth was, "when?"
"Since the beginning?" Yixing grinned, looking happier than he'd had for a while. "You were so awkwardly cute in the interrogation room, all wide-eyed and confused. And then I thought you didn't want anything to do with me after Luhan told me and Tao about you being scared of us. But then we had that conversation a couple of weeks ago and it gave me hope but..."
Yixing stopped talking then because Jongdae was kissing him again and then some.
~*~
"You owe me like ten favours, Lay, Chen."
Yixing just waved lazily at Kai, while Jongdae scowled. "Not when you count giving us all those heart attacks pranking us all the time."
Kai laughed and disappeared in a puff of smoke. But as much as Jongdae pretended to be irritated with him, Kai was one of his favourite people in the Alpha team because after all, he was the one who brought Yixing to him whenever they'd begged - even beyond the times they met for rendezvous. Even with the pranks, Jongdae and Yixing owed Kai more than they could probably repay.
Things had gotten much better after the incident with Tao and Yixing. Almost overnight, the Alpha team had bucked up so much that they were almost unrecognisable from the bunch of bumbling idiots that had caused Jongdae so much headache. They were more like their namesake now - frighteningly powerful and an extremely formidable enemy. And if Jongdae weren't a double agent, he'd probably have been rather daunted to meet them on the battlefield. As it was, Jongdae never needed to pretend to be defeated now - he didn't even need to think of excuses as to why he would fail on his missions to the leaders. The Alpha team was a real force to be reckoned with.
"Why are you smiling?" Yixing asked, poking his finger at Jongdae's cheek.
"Nothing." Jongdae grinned, catching the finger and giving it a playful lick. "Just extremely excited about what we're going to do today. After all you promised me that you'd bottom today. Since you broke your promise to me that you wouldn't overtax yourself with healing."
"Oh about that, I have suddenly become Tao and I can see the future and it actually isn't a good idea."
Jongdae rolled his eyes. "You're just nervous because you haven't bottomed before."
"I've just heard that it's really painful-"
"Oh thanks, so it's okay if it hurts for me?"
"But I can heal you!" Yixing protested.
"You can heal yourself too."
"It's not the same!"
Things were getting a little ridiculous, so Jongdae just planted a kiss on Yixing, knowing that it would effectively shut him up. "Listen." Jongdae said calmly. "I will make it good for you alright? And since when have I ever broken my promises?"
Yixing shook his head, because Jongdae, damn him, was surprisingly good at keeping promises. "Al-alright... I trust you."
Later, Yixing is lying on Jongdae's chest, looking surprisingly subdued while the other looked extremely smug with himself. "So, what did I say?"
Yixing turned a brilliant red. "Well, it wasn't bad... but my back is aching now you know? It's a stabbing pain actually. I'm probably maimed for life. I shouldn't have promised you. How am I going to work tomorrow?"
Jongdae just raised an eyebrow. "Coming twice is called 'wasn't bad'? Really?"
Yixing let out a strange noise and he buried his face into Jongdae's chest. "Shut up."
Even strange as this conversation was, Jongdae couldn't help but feel that everything was perfect.
~*~
It's one evening, when they managed to snatch some time together. It was harder now, the war progressing to its later stages - and things were more tense, the stakes higher. It was a rare time that had they managed to get more than few minutes of snatched kisses and hasty orgasms. They could actually sit together now, basking in the afterglow, Yixing resting his head on Jongdae's shoulder as they soaked the presence of each other in.
They didn't talk about the war because they didn't want to. It would only spoil their time together. And so instead, Jongdae asked. "I'm curious. I notice that the others complain about you spacing out and I see it more and more for myself nowadays. Where do you go during those times Yixing-ah?
Yixing blinked slowly, as if he had been spacing out then. And he gave Jongdae a slow sad smile. "Luhan-ge asked me before, and I told him that I was playing with unicorns in healing land. He believed me, but the truth is... I just go, bringing my mind to a blank place where I don't need to think at all."
"Why's that?" Jongdae asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"I'm taking so many lives, Jongdae." Yixing whispered, closing his eyes to the ghosts that haunt his conscience. "Can't blame my consciousness from not really wanting to stay around here anymore."
And Jongdae pulled Yixing up into a sweet, soft kiss. It's a gift - an attempt to distract Yixing from his guilt - and it's coddling when Jongdae really should be shaking Yixing out of it and Yixing knew it. And it wasn't as if Jongdae didn't have his own ghosts - just the other day, Jongdae had had no choice but to kill a whole squadron of people who had become his allies and even friends because if he hadn't he would have fallen into more suspicion than he already was in. And Yixing should be the one comforting Jongdae, but just this once, Yixing would take the gift as it was given, because he was just, so, so tired.
And he knew that comforting was just Jongdae's way of distracting himself from his own guilt. So maybe, this was the best for the both of them.
~*~
It was after the war. The side of the light had finally won. And yet, Yixing felt not sense of triumph - only that of a finality of something ending. A closure to one chapter of his life.
He didn't like the way the opening of the new chapter felt like he was standing on the end of a very dark cliff with hands waiting to push him into its merciless depths.
"Hey. War's over, why aren't you celebrating?" Yixing turned, and there was Jongdae, standing in the doorway, a wry smile on his face.
"Why aren't you?" Yixing shot back, and Jongdae shook his head. "I don't know, maybe because I don't think that trouble will end for us just because the war is over. In fact, I'd probably say that it's only begun."
And Jongdae is right. Alright, Luhan had sensed the flickers of disturbing thoughts from the higher ups. And what was to be expected really - the Shadow team had no use now that war was over - and instead of an asset, they were now a dangerous liability.
"The Alpha team probably are sick from celebrating so much already though." Jongdae said with a roll of his eyes. "Even though they'd gotten much better, they're still quite a naive bunch of idiots."
Yixing grinned, parroting Luhan's words from so long ago."Well, it can't be helped. We've already darkened ourselves so that they could continue to be carefree. No point stopping now."
Jongdae smiled a little. As much as he'd pretended to be irritated by them - he'd gotten fond of them too. "Yeah."
The smile made Yixing feel better. And he crossed the room, taking Jongdae's hands into his. He might be standing on the edge of a cliff, with hands just itching to push him in, but at least he's not all alone.
Because Jongdae was with him, and that really, was all that mattered.
~*~
[ Inclinations to Disobedience]
Genre: Fantasy, AU, Action/Adventure, Mild Angst, Fluff, Romance, Humor
Pairings: Tao/Sehun, Chen/Lay, mentions of Xiumin/Luhan and Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In a world where people can defy the laws of nature, rules are necessary. But rules, when made and handled by fallible humans can cause pain and hurt instead. But like with life, one could choose to react with bitterness or to transfer that pain into something fruitful instead. These are the stories of those who chose to follow the latter path.
[A/N: For ConfesstoShisus over at AFF. Her original prompt was "Now there's an aching in my back; a stabbing pain that says I lack the common sense and confidence to bring an end to promises that I make in times of desperate conversation." but it's seriously barely there.]
~*~
Jongdae had first met Yixing the very day he and Minseok had decided to execute their plan to default to the other side.
They had planned to be captured and then when taken into custody, they would tell whoever interrogating them about their plan to default. They figured two high-profile generals from the enemy side would get someone high-level enough to get something done about it. But of course, plans have a habit of not working always exactly as planned, so although they did get captured, Jongdae had underestimated the amount of hurt and abuse he would receive when getting taken in. So he was dripping blood all over the grey floors of the interrogation cell when three guys who looked about his age or even younger walked in.
He hadn't even opened his mouth when the middle one said. "He's the same as the other one. They both want to defect."
"So, they're safe then."
"I wouldn't call them safe..."
"You know what I mean. So we'll report back to the higher-ups then."
"Don't know what they'll do with this information though."
The second boy - boy because of the childish way this one grinned. "I don't need to look into the future to know what they'll do, Luhan-ge. They'll be asked to act as spies, probably."
"Are you sure, Tao? Because that would mean a lot of risks. Even if they're sure about defaulting now, there isn't any guarantee that they wouldn't betray us in the future - they might just do it again to save their own skins, but to us this time. The higher ups wouldn't go for it."
"The higher ups are also desperate, which is why they formed our team in the first place, Luhan-ge." the one called Tao countered while Jongdae listened, puzzled, at the contents of the conversation they were having about him while clearly having forgotten that he was right there.
He jumped when there's a hand suddenly touching his shoulder, and by reflex, he almost summoned his power to zap the person who had committed the offence. But the hand raised in a gesture of surrender, and Jongdae blinked as he took in the appearance of the third man standing beside him, a questioning look on his face.
"You're hurt." The last man said in explanation, pointing at the blood seeping from Jongdae's side. "You'll probably survive for another hour but there was a curse put into the cut so it won't stop flowing on its own," well that explained why it hurt like a bitch. "Do you mind if I heal it?"
Jongdae blinked. "But curse wounds are hard to heal. If you just press energy into it, it's just going to open back up."
"Don't worry about it," the other man said. And Jongdae was a bit skeptical at first because there was this dreamy look around this other man that said that he wasn't always there mentally. But then, what did Jongdae have to lose? So he nodded.
He had watched as the other man had just simply place a hand over the wound, a look of bewilderment on his face as Jongdae felt a foreign energy enter into his body signalling the start of the healing. But the wound hadn't closed up and Jongdae had thought that yeah, this man had probably overestimated himself and then the energy flexed.
There was a searing heat in his side that made Jongdae yelp and nearly topple his seat over from the jump he gave. But the other man held him down until the heat had gone and suddenly, Jongdae felt eons better.
The other man lifted Jongdae's shirt to check the wound, and stunned as he was, Jongdae let him. Sure enough, the wound was gone and all that was left was unblemished skin - not even a scar. Jongdae turned to stare at the other man who just gave him a slow grin. He must be a highly accomplished healer - Jongdae hadn't met anyone who could heal such a curse wound without some sort of extra spell or tool and it would have definitely left a scar - and Jongdae had met some pretty powerful healers in his stint so far as anarchist right-hand man.
Then, now that his brain was no longer swooning from blood-loss, Jongdae realized something. "Wait, why did you heal me? I'm the enemy."
"Well, Luhan-ge already said you came here to default so you're safe." The man nodded as if his sentence made sense. "Besides, even if you were, I would still heal you since I can."
Jongdae stared. "But why?"
The man's smile turned a little sad. "Redemption. Maybe."
Jongdae puzzled about that answer for a long while, which puzzled him. He wasn't one who would brood over things like this. And it had only been by chance that he'd learned the man's name - Tao had called it out when they left the cell, telling Yixing that they'd leave him if he didn't come with them now.
And yet, that night, he found himself mulling over the curious conversation and general existence of the healer named Yixing.
~*~
Of course, at that time, he hadn't know about the team called the Shadow team. The team that had been formed to support the new elite (and pain-in-the-backside) strike-force they called the Alpha team. It was a team meant to stay in the shadows, because what they did wasn't exactly all legal. While the Alpha team was all action and flashy techniques and flat-out fighting the forces of evil kind of thing, the Shadow team had been made to make sure that the Alpha team stayed that way. And when they said 'make sure', they had meant ever single possible way.
The team had been made up of only three people then - Luhan, whom Jongdae was told was telepathic, and whose role was to get all the secrets from people's minds with or without their permission. That Jongdae hadn't even felt Luhan rummaging through his mind said heaps about how skilled Luhan was. But it chilled Jongdae somewhat that such a powerful telepath had broken the first and foremost rule that all Telepaths had to follow and had escaped the normally severe punishment because the order had come from high.
The second had been Tao, whose power was the manipulation of time and to some extent, seeing the future. The reason why he was in the shadow team was obvious - people with powers having to do with time had always been mistrusted because if someone could meddle with time, they could meddle with the course of history; and there had been a few notorious cases throughout where that had happened. Safe to say, those hadn't ended well. And while Tao was mostly used to see the possibilities of the future now, having not gone beyond party tricks with his main power, just the mere existence of such a person caused a chill in Jongdae's bones that he just couldn't shake.
And there was Yixing. Yixing had been the answer to the mystery of the report that had been handed to him from another anarchist leader who had been trying to puzzle it out. Some of the scientists had done an autopsy on a few dead comrades they'd managed to retrieve and they'd found that although the bodies had been sliced opened, that hadn't been the cause of death. Indeed, the slices were only there to deceive. They had all apparently, just died of a lack of... life. And as it was, Yixing was the sole person in charge of healing the Alpha and Shadow teams. But Jongdae knew the damage that the Alpha team took, having inflicted quite a bit of it himself before - and there was no way humanly that a single healer could keep healing them so that they always appeared to be in full strength for every fight. Jongdae had thought the Alpha team were being supported in teams of healers. But apparently no, there was only Yixing, because Yixing had broken his oath as a healer never to kill people with his power and he had been taking the life force of their enemies as energy to knit back the broken bones and split flesh of the Alpha team.
They'd seemed so normal and happy and kind in that interrogation room. Then again, Jongdae reminded himself with some ruefulness - Minseok says that he's always so calm and unassuming in real life that most of the time it's hard to believe that Jongdae was also called the Nuisin because of his fearsome reputation on the battlefield, striking down all in his path without mercy like a demon. So, actually, he was in no position to judge them at all.
But it still makes him think twice about having defaulted when he learns that he will essentially be put in the same team as these terrifying people. Minseok, that closet sadist, had only been amused that the 'side of light' actually had, as he said, 'naughty pairs of underwear to show off when it wanted to'. But Jongdae had defaulted for a reason - he had seen the result of having no rules to reign people like them in. Those who were powerful trampled all over the weak - and that hadn't been why he'd joined. He'd joined simply because he'd been tired of hiding all the time and the idea of letting the world know about their presence had been intoxicating. But he hadn't counted on realizing that the leader of his side was a freaking power-hungry lunatic and he wanted to let the world know of the presence of people like them only because he wanted to rule it.
And so learning that the side he had defaulted to would too result in rule-breaking when desperate... well, the idea of defaulting lost its appeal.
But it had already been done, and Jongdae couldn't escape unless he defaulted back and betrayed this side - but that would most likely result him being killed before he could do anything (Luhan would get wind of any plotting the minute Jongdae thought about it, probably). But he did comfort himself with the idea that although some rules had been broken, those three were bound by even more so to prevent them from going out of hand.
~*~
A couple months down the line and Jongdae had already toyed with murderous thoughts concerning the Alpha team for a frightening amount of times. They made it so hard for Jongdae to cover up for them sometimes. Some of them were just a bunch of kids who happened to have ridiculously strong powers really. Take that pair Chanyeol and Baekhyun for example. Chanyeol was too busy being a crazy arsonist most of the time and that had their leader half-distracted because his power was the one which could directly put out the unnecessary flames. Baekhyun would be too distracted by Chanyeol to effectively do anything either, always trying to restrain Chanyeol but ending up getting unwittingly dragged along with the other's schemes. Sehun was... okay, but he was too flighty most of the times, liable to run headlong into a fight, probably because of his connection with the wind.
The only halfway competent members were Kai and Kyungsoo really - but they couldn't be a team on their own. Maybe if Kris was still with them, they'd be a little less disastrous - but Kris had opted to go into the Shadow team for the reasons of wanted to support his friends. Tao was like a little brother to him, and he'd seen the way the Shadow team had operated without a leader to direct them, all exhausting themselves to the bone with work. Now with Kris at its head, the Shadow team was operating much more efficiently, and Jongdae was infinitely grateful for that. Unfortunately, there was only that much efficient you could be with bumbling idiots from the Alpha team adding to your never-ending workload.
"They are pretty pampered by us if you think about it." Jongdae jumped five feet into the air at the voice, turning to glare at Luhan when he recovered. Kai gave Luhan a strange look, glancing at Yixing who just shrugged. Kai shrugged too, giving Jongdae a small wave before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Luhan smiled a little at Kai's nonchalance before continuing his sentence. "But don't be so hard on them. After all, we're darkening ourselves so that they can continue to be carefree after all."
And Luhan walked out, grinning as if proud of himself. Or possibly, because he's looking forward to buggering Minseok again instead of just reading Minseok's mind and then leaving and not giving closet sadist Minseok all the stories that he could use to torture Jongdae just to see him squirm.
"Actually, Xiumin is going to do the buggering today." Was the cheeky call and Jongdae groaned, banging his head against the nearest hard surface in an attempt not to think about it.
Yixing was laughing quietly, and Jongdae turned to glare at the other man. "It's not funny."
"It is actually." Yixing grinned.
"Stupid Luhan." Jongdae grumbled sitting down to rub his face.
"You shouldn't be too hard on him you know, Chen." Yixing chided.
"Why not?"
"Because he didn't give you away when you had thoughts about betraying us when you found out about the Shadow team all those months ago?"
Jongdae looked up, eyes widening. "That was just a random thought. I didn't mean it."
"Luhan-ge only reads thoughts, he doesn't read the emotions behind them, although he's pretty accurate with his guesses. So, whether you meant it in just or not, Luhan would have been obligated to report it to the higher ups anyway." Yixing explained. "But he didn't. It might have caused you to have been killed because the higher ups deemed you too much of a security risk."
The chill that ran down Jongdae's spine was sharp. "I'm glad he didn't. It honestly was just a random thought."
"He thought so too." Yixing smiled, then his eyes focused on Jongdae properly and he let out a sigh. "You're hurt again."
Jongdae looked down at his arm where there was a huge bandage covering it. "Yeah well, it's thanks to our dear Alpha team. I had to go into a fire and pretend to have cornered Chanyeol and Baekhyun and then after that kill all of my subordinates whilst making sure that no one else saw. After that I had to pretend to be hurt by Chanyeol and Baekhyun and then make a huge explosion so that it would seem that I actually died so that we can have some time to have this little chat together. So excuse me if I actually got hurt in the middle of all the pretend hurt."
Yixing shook his head wryly. "But you could have said something the moment I came in."
"You don't need to heal it." Jongdae replied uncomfortably, pulling his hand away from Yixing's grasp.
He hadn't expected Yixing's face to fall like that. "I... Something like this I don't need to take a life force from someone else to heal. I do it with my own strength."
"What? No, it's not that-"
But Yixing's face only crumpled further. "Ah... so it's because you don't want a monster like me to touch you. I understand."
Jongdae was aghast. "What? No, you're not a monster..."
"Don't need to sugar-coat it. I am." Yixing's voice was uncharacteristically flat. "I'm a monster who broke my healer's oath so that I could heal beyond my means. I'm healer who kills with his own power - a travesty. I know it - I purposely chose to after all. You're right to be afraid of me."
But Jongdae hadn't been afraid of Yixing in a long, long while. He'd come to realize what kind of people Yixing, Luhan and Tao really were over the months. And so, he grabbed Yixing's hands to make a point. "Look. You're wrong. I was wrong to think that about you all those months ago when I first met you. You're not a monster. You broke those oaths so that you could protect the lives of those idiots. I don't know why you chose to do so, but that's the fact. You broke your oath not for your own means or purposes, but because you wanted to keep your friends alive, and that makes you a hero, not a monster - not by any means."
Yixing stared at where Jongdae's hands were gripping his, as if he couldn't believe that Jongdae was touching him. "I... what? Then... why won't you let me heal you?"
Jongdae was pretty sure that his cheeks were flaming red now. And he let go of Yixing's hands like they were hot burning coals. "I... well..." He spluttered at Yixing's look of surprise, quickly fixing his eyes on the floor like it's the most interesting thing in the world. "I just... didn't want you to waste your energy healing something small like this. Even taking the life force of others puts a drain on yourself. Besides, with the Alpha team being like this, I'm sure you have your hands full already."
Yixing was so quiet that Jongdae couldn't help but sneak a look at the other, and he's surprised to find Yixing beaming at him so brightly Jongdae thought he'd get blinded by the light. He yelped when Yixing picked up his arm and there's a cooling sensation down his arm and then his arm didn't hurt anymore. "There, all better. See it's no trouble for me at all."
Jongdae just nodded mutely, but before he could say anything else. Kai appeared in a puff of smoke, and Luhan came out of the other room, tucking in his pants with Minseok trailing from behind him. The rendezvous was obviously over.
But even after they all had left and Jongdae was left to deal with a evilly-grinning Minseok and they still had to plan how they were going to re-emerge from being dead while being convincing, Jongdae found himself thinking about Yixing and the way his hands had fit perfectly into his own.
~*~
Yixing woke to a pair of extremely worried brown eyes. He groaned a little as he tried to sit up, only to have the other's hands supporting him back up.
"How long was I out?" He croaked, sipping at the cup of water put at his lips. "Is Tao okay?"
"You weren't out for too long. And Tao is resting. He's perfectly fine, thanks to you."
"Oh... good..." Yixing breathed out, then his mind focused and his eyes widened as he turned to gap at the person sitting behind him. "Chen! What are you doing here?!"
"To scold you obviously. What the shit did you think you were doing?" Jongdae swallowed back the more severe rants that he'd wanted to yell. Yixing probably wasn't strong enough for them yet.
"I... I just couldn't let him die." Yixing stammered. "He was... coughing up blood... and I...
Jongdae rubbed his face, he was being unfair, scolding Yixing like this. Yixing had only been trying to save a friend's life. And Tao, Tao had been trying to save all of the Alpha team's lives since they'd been stupid again and gotten themselves killed. And so he'd finally broken the basic rule of having his power and turned back time so he could bring back to life. Obviously, the toll exacted on his body for such a feat was beyond what most humans could take. And even Yixing, exhausting the resources that he'd been gathering for three months, had barely saved Tao and had been on death's door himself.
Jongdae had turned pale when he'd heard the news from a wild-eyed Kai. And he'd demanded to be taken to HQ immediately, consequences be damned.
"Anyway, you shouldn't be here, what if your cover is blown? You should go back no- Chen?!"
Yixing stared, appalled as tears spilled from Jongdae's eyes. He's unprepared for the crushing hug he's enveloped in, but he stilled when he heard Jongdae whispering. "Goddamnit, Yixing. You nearly died."
"I... it was for Tao's sake, and indirectly, I was doing my job, because Tao had been protecting the Alpha team." Yixing murmured back, pulling back and lifting his hands so that he could wipe the tears falling from Jongdae's eyes. "I would have died in the line of duty."
"I... I know..." Jongdae sobbed, looking away in shame. "I just... it's a selfish thing. I don't want you to die."
Yixing blinked at that, a small silver of hope in his face as he gently asked. "Why not?"
"Because I think I love you, you idiot." Jongdae was so relieved that he didn't even care if he'd just humiliated himself and had just confessed to someone who probably didn't return his feelings and he was just sobbing like a baby in front of and of course Yixing had to just go and kiss him- oh.
Yixing was kissing him.
Oh.
When they finally broke apart. Jongdae was quiet, and slightly in awe. The questions were swirling in his head, and the only thing that could come out of his mouth was, "when?"
"Since the beginning?" Yixing grinned, looking happier than he'd had for a while. "You were so awkwardly cute in the interrogation room, all wide-eyed and confused. And then I thought you didn't want anything to do with me after Luhan told me and Tao about you being scared of us. But then we had that conversation a couple of weeks ago and it gave me hope but..."
Yixing stopped talking then because Jongdae was kissing him again and then some.
~*~
"You owe me like ten favours, Lay, Chen."
Yixing just waved lazily at Kai, while Jongdae scowled. "Not when you count giving us all those heart attacks pranking us all the time."
Kai laughed and disappeared in a puff of smoke. But as much as Jongdae pretended to be irritated with him, Kai was one of his favourite people in the Alpha team because after all, he was the one who brought Yixing to him whenever they'd begged - even beyond the times they met for rendezvous. Even with the pranks, Jongdae and Yixing owed Kai more than they could probably repay.
Things had gotten much better after the incident with Tao and Yixing. Almost overnight, the Alpha team had bucked up so much that they were almost unrecognisable from the bunch of bumbling idiots that had caused Jongdae so much headache. They were more like their namesake now - frighteningly powerful and an extremely formidable enemy. And if Jongdae weren't a double agent, he'd probably have been rather daunted to meet them on the battlefield. As it was, Jongdae never needed to pretend to be defeated now - he didn't even need to think of excuses as to why he would fail on his missions to the leaders. The Alpha team was a real force to be reckoned with.
"Why are you smiling?" Yixing asked, poking his finger at Jongdae's cheek.
"Nothing." Jongdae grinned, catching the finger and giving it a playful lick. "Just extremely excited about what we're going to do today. After all you promised me that you'd bottom today. Since you broke your promise to me that you wouldn't overtax yourself with healing."
"Oh about that, I have suddenly become Tao and I can see the future and it actually isn't a good idea."
Jongdae rolled his eyes. "You're just nervous because you haven't bottomed before."
"I've just heard that it's really painful-"
"Oh thanks, so it's okay if it hurts for me?"
"But I can heal you!" Yixing protested.
"You can heal yourself too."
"It's not the same!"
Things were getting a little ridiculous, so Jongdae just planted a kiss on Yixing, knowing that it would effectively shut him up. "Listen." Jongdae said calmly. "I will make it good for you alright? And since when have I ever broken my promises?"
Yixing shook his head, because Jongdae, damn him, was surprisingly good at keeping promises. "Al-alright... I trust you."
Later, Yixing is lying on Jongdae's chest, looking surprisingly subdued while the other looked extremely smug with himself. "So, what did I say?"
Yixing turned a brilliant red. "Well, it wasn't bad... but my back is aching now you know? It's a stabbing pain actually. I'm probably maimed for life. I shouldn't have promised you. How am I going to work tomorrow?"
Jongdae just raised an eyebrow. "Coming twice is called 'wasn't bad'? Really?"
Yixing let out a strange noise and he buried his face into Jongdae's chest. "Shut up."
Even strange as this conversation was, Jongdae couldn't help but feel that everything was perfect.
~*~
It's one evening, when they managed to snatch some time together. It was harder now, the war progressing to its later stages - and things were more tense, the stakes higher. It was a rare time that had they managed to get more than few minutes of snatched kisses and hasty orgasms. They could actually sit together now, basking in the afterglow, Yixing resting his head on Jongdae's shoulder as they soaked the presence of each other in.
They didn't talk about the war because they didn't want to. It would only spoil their time together. And so instead, Jongdae asked. "I'm curious. I notice that the others complain about you spacing out and I see it more and more for myself nowadays. Where do you go during those times Yixing-ah?
Yixing blinked slowly, as if he had been spacing out then. And he gave Jongdae a slow sad smile. "Luhan-ge asked me before, and I told him that I was playing with unicorns in healing land. He believed me, but the truth is... I just go, bringing my mind to a blank place where I don't need to think at all."
"Why's that?" Jongdae asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"I'm taking so many lives, Jongdae." Yixing whispered, closing his eyes to the ghosts that haunt his conscience. "Can't blame my consciousness from not really wanting to stay around here anymore."
And Jongdae pulled Yixing up into a sweet, soft kiss. It's a gift - an attempt to distract Yixing from his guilt - and it's coddling when Jongdae really should be shaking Yixing out of it and Yixing knew it. And it wasn't as if Jongdae didn't have his own ghosts - just the other day, Jongdae had had no choice but to kill a whole squadron of people who had become his allies and even friends because if he hadn't he would have fallen into more suspicion than he already was in. And Yixing should be the one comforting Jongdae, but just this once, Yixing would take the gift as it was given, because he was just, so, so tired.
And he knew that comforting was just Jongdae's way of distracting himself from his own guilt. So maybe, this was the best for the both of them.
~*~
It was after the war. The side of the light had finally won. And yet, Yixing felt not sense of triumph - only that of a finality of something ending. A closure to one chapter of his life.
He didn't like the way the opening of the new chapter felt like he was standing on the end of a very dark cliff with hands waiting to push him into its merciless depths.
"Hey. War's over, why aren't you celebrating?" Yixing turned, and there was Jongdae, standing in the doorway, a wry smile on his face.
"Why aren't you?" Yixing shot back, and Jongdae shook his head. "I don't know, maybe because I don't think that trouble will end for us just because the war is over. In fact, I'd probably say that it's only begun."
And Jongdae is right. Alright, Luhan had sensed the flickers of disturbing thoughts from the higher ups. And what was to be expected really - the Shadow team had no use now that war was over - and instead of an asset, they were now a dangerous liability.
"The Alpha team probably are sick from celebrating so much already though." Jongdae said with a roll of his eyes. "Even though they'd gotten much better, they're still quite a naive bunch of idiots."
Yixing grinned, parroting Luhan's words from so long ago."Well, it can't be helped. We've already darkened ourselves so that they could continue to be carefree. No point stopping now."
Jongdae smiled a little. As much as he'd pretended to be irritated by them - he'd gotten fond of them too. "Yeah."
The smile made Yixing feel better. And he crossed the room, taking Jongdae's hands into his. He might be standing on the edge of a cliff, with hands just itching to push him in, but at least he's not all alone.
Because Jongdae was with him, and that really, was all that mattered.
~*~
[ Inclinations to Disobedience]