Kintsugi (One-shot)
Title: Kintsugi
Pairing: Hyunjoong/Jungmin, OT5
Rating: PG
Genre: Fantasy, AU
Summary: What has been broken can always be fixed, but no one said that they would return to their original value. Sometimes, most times, broken things become discarded, their usefulness diminished, almost as if they’d be better thrown away. Sometimes, few times but oh so precious times, they become something more beautiful.
[A/N: It's been so long since I've written anything, and even longer since I've written for double S. Sorry if the characterizations are a little bit off ^^;; Anyway, this story is for renichifreak, yeonah and saengiephile. It was supposed to be their Christmas giftfic, but Christmas was crazy, and the start of the school term even more so. So yeah. It's just giftfic now ^^]
Jungmin supposed that it did hurt somewhat, to be thrown out because one was broken. He supposed that being looked at disappointingly and then deemed entirely useless as they’d left him behind would have been crippling to one’s mental health. He supposed that being stared at pitifully by people as they walked by would have made one want to scream with angry helplessness. But for all the supposing, Jungmin thought that all that had happened wasn’t all that bad - those people hadn’t been unnecessarily cruel. They’d just been stating a fact. He was broken and thus useless and so he had been thrown away - it was just the way things worked.
Or at least that was what he was telling himself. Better numb than hurting.
It was so when he was jostled out of his jaded contemplative state by arms wrapping around his prone body that he started in surprise, nearly making the person lose his grip and protested. “But I’m broken.”
The person paused, pulling backwards so that Jungmin could stare into slightly bewildered brown eyes and a blank expression of much complexity. “I know. That’s the whole point.”
Then the arms were back around him again, lifting him up and carrying him away from amongst the other broken things.
And that was how he’d met Hyunjoong.
~*~
Jungmin hadn’t known he’d fallen asleep until he’d woken up to a dim light and the outline of a person smiling lazily down at him.
“Hello.”
Wary, he didn’t reply. He waited, eyes adjusting to the darkness, slowly revealing features to a face - brown hair, sole black eyes, baby cheeks and blushed baby lips. If not for the fact that Jungmin felt rather solidly heavy due to a small headache throbbing in his temple and that he was pretty sure that angels didn’t wear fluffy bear-decorated dressing robes, he’d thought he’d have died and gone to… well, okay, so that idea was rather ludicrous since he’d never thought he’d end up on the good side of any version of the afterlife.
The other man’s lips twitched again, this time sharp amusement before it faded again into the bland smile of before. “Ah, I forgot what it’s like to be first picked up from the streets. It’s fine if you don’t want to speak, but if you don’t ask the questions that must be floating in your head, I’m not going to answer.”
Jungmin had never been a curious person before, but now, he could feel the questions bubbling in the back of his throat, like an itch that needed to be scratched. “Who…?”
“Ah, that wasn’t too hard wasn’t it?” The man stretched himself out on the chair he was sitting on, and Jungmin was strongly reminded of a cat. “Anyway, my name is inconsequential. You’ll find out soon one way or another. Besides, we probably won’t even be working together.”
Jungmin waited, but the man offered no other information than what he just gave. Jungmin scowled even as the man grinned at him. So that was the game then. “Why are you here? Where’s that man who picked me up?”
“Well, good thing those two are connected because answering questions is rather tedious.” The man yawned. “You’re here because the man who picked you up, Hyunjoong’s his name by the way, brought you here to rest after he fixed you.”
“Fixed me?” The question was out before Jungmin could stop it. And he frowned. He’d never been that chatty before. Nor that inquisitive. Had they done something to him?
He almost missed that flicker in that smile - the man knew something. But all he said was. “Yes, fixed you.”
“How?”
“I don’t know the details. But Hyunjoong calls it ‘kintsugi’.” The man lifted his fingers and mimed closed inverted commas. “He’s a ‘practitioner’ of it. Its name’s from the original Japanese art of fixing broken ceramic shit with gold.”
“He fixed me with gold?” The incredulity is clear in Jungmin’s voice, and the man grinned at him for it.
“Yeah, feel more bling already?” The man rolled his eyes. “Obviously not.”
Jungmin’s jaw ached a little from scowling so much. The man was wasting his time. “Maybe not.” He raised his hands, gesturing at himself sarcastically. “But I do feel different. Fixed. Perhaps.”
To his surprise, the man eyes softened a little. “Really.”
The remark was sarcastic, but hearing it out loud, Jungmin realized it was… true. “I feel… different. Better.”
“Yes. You are different.” A mirror was lifted up to his face, reflecting the startled expression in Jungmin's face at it's appearance.
Jungmin stared into the mirror, into eyes that were once brown now tinged with red, and hair that once was black, a fiery crimson. “What…? But… why?”
“Because, that’s the whole point of kintsugi. You make something broken not only useful, but beautiful again.” The man sighed, yawning once again. “And for all his faults, Hyunjoong is good at what he does.”
“But… why?”
The man smiled, lifting his arms up and stretching back as if to sleep. “Who knows?”
And that was how he met Youngsaeng.
~*~
“Oh dear. Looks like we’re gonna get swarmed.”
Jungmin grit his teeth, barely having the time to glance up at the lazy swine that was perched bonelessly atop a lamppost before he had to duck and shoot another fireball at one of the demons who had gotten close enough to nearly bite his head off. “Well maybe we wouldn’t get swamped if you helped out!”
“Little old me? Ah, but I’m so weak, Jungmin-ah. You’ll do better without me getting in your way.” Youngsaeng grinned, stretching out his back. “Oh, and watch out behind you.”
Jungmin rolled his eyes as reached behind him, grabbing the demon’s face. He didn’t need to see to know that the demon’s face was on fire even as it screeched. “Weak my ass.” He mumbled. Youngsaeng might not have the offensive gift of fire that Jungmin had been given, but Youngsaeng’s gift of shadow-walking made him a terrifying assassin, especially since Youngsaeng also had an unhealthy obsession with daggers. When he managed to gain a little breather, clearing a healthy hole in the hoard of demons, he took the time to make a particular vulgar gesture at the shadow-walker.
Youngsaeng laughed. “Oh, you would want that, wouldn’t you?” He smirked at Jungmin’s obvious disdain. “Anyway, you shouldn’t be lazy. This is your mission after all. Hyunjoong gave you instructions, all inside a nice envelope and all.”
“Is someone who’s just lazing on top of a lamppost really the one who should be lecturing me about lazine-” Jungmin was interrupted by the sound of a loud scream - human, male and very much terrified. “What was that?”
“Hmm…” Youngsaeng thought contemplatively for a moment, pushing himself up to stand. “That sounds like my mission.”
“Your mission? What are you talking about- hey!” Youngsaeng had disappeared from his perch, the telltale wisps of black smoke of shadow walking in his stead. Jungmin refrained from grinding his teeth again - it was already taking him more effort to chew food since they’d worn down from the constant friction.
Jungmin considered ignoring the frustrating lazybones and getting on with his own mission, but there was another cry of fear, and his curiosity won over his common sense. Letting out a self-depreciating yell of frustration, Jungmin barreled his way through the demons in the general direction of the cry.
He supposed he was a sight, flames licking the skin of his arms, panting after that bit of exertion, his eyes aglow with what Youngsaeng lovingly referred to as “that loonybin look he always has after destroying something”. Still he didn’t think he’d look that scary that he’d make a grown man cry.
Youngsaeng looked up where he was comforting the man in his arms, his expression something Jungmin had never thought he’d see on the flippant man’s face. Their eyes met for a moment, Youngsaeng’s lips twitching up into a small, sad smile. “Oh, that’s just Jungmin. He’s one of us. He might seem a little scary at first but he’s just a nice guy. A little flaily at times. But nice.”
“What?” Jungmin scowled at the comment. “I do not flail.”
“Of course you do.” Youngsaeng stated, a smirk on his face. “Last night you flailed so hard at the horror show we were watching you fell off the couch.”
Well, he had, but that was just a normal human’s reaction and it wasn’t fair of Youngsaeng to bring it up anyway. But before he could retort, the both of them stopped at the sound of a small, muffled laugh that cut off as if it was frightened of being heard.
Jungmin looked down and he met frightened eyes. And in that moment, he felt a sense of déjà vu. Those eyes, so vulnerable and yet so blank, as if there was a chasm, an emptiness - something had been lost. Jungmin used to know those eyes - he used to see them in the mirror everyday.
This man was broken. Like he had been.
Unable to look anymore, Jungmin diverted his eyes, only to meet Youngsaeng’s sole black ones. The look in them was one of understanding. And it was also the smugness of knowing. And that was when Jungmin realized.
The man was broken like Jungmin had been. But just like he had for Jungmin, Hyunjoong was going to fix him.
And that was how Jungmin met Kyujong.
~*~
Jungmin hadn’t been back properly to their place for months now. He wouldn’t call it home exactly since he rarely spent time in it, but it was the place where he slept and ate and where the others did too. He would have complained except he knew that it wasn’t like he was the only one who was busy - the others were just as transient in their stays and their only constant was the 5 room apartment which was rented in Hyunjoong’s name.
The rare times he was back, he bantered a little bit with Youngsaeng, chatted a little bit with their newest member, Kyujong, whom Jungmin found he actually quite liked. He never really saw Hyunjoong except for glimpses. A pat on his arm as he walked out the door and Hyunjoong came in or vice versa. But as things went, they generally just did their own thing, and were friendly strangers bond by something inexplicable, living on the fringes of each other’s lives.
So it came to a total surprise to him when he came back one day and was assaulted by the sound of a whining voice nagging at everyone and no one about the state of the communal laundry basket.
“New guy. A bit different from us. He used to belong to another cell. There was a few problems because he’s oldest in age there and kept trying to show up Soohyun, that’s the other leader’s name, so Hyunjoong heard and told Soohyun that he’d take him instead.”
Jungmin nearly jumped when Youngsaeng suddenly came up behind him. “He’s pretty noisy.”
“Well, no shit, Sherlock.” Jungmin scowled, “maybe he’ll be less noisy if I whack him over the head-ow!”
“Be easy on him.” Hyunjoong said airily as he retracted his hand. Jungmin frowned at him, rubbing his head. “What was that for?!”
“Just a reminder how painful a hit on the head can be. That said, you’ve been doing well.” Jungmin yelped when Hyunjoong suddenly reached out and enveloped Jungmin into a hug. If this was anything normal, Jungmin would have yelped, kicked out and probably sucker-punched Hyunjoong in the stomach. But this was anything but normal, and when slim fingers ran through his hair, he paused, wheeling from the first intimate touch in… he couldn’t even remember. Then lips brushed past his ear and words were whispered. “But not everyone can be you. He still thinks he was never broken.”
Then Hyunjoong was gone, leaving only those cryptic words and a rather stunned Jungmin behind him.
“Hey, where’s he going? Hyunjoong-sshi! And yah! Youngsaeng-sshi, stop ignoring me and come back!” Jungmin turned around and realized that all that was left of Youngsaeng were wisps of smoke. And when he righted himself, he came face to face with the reason why everyone disappeared.
“And who are you? Are you one of the cell as well? Well, you must be. Can you please tell someone in charge that this place is a disgrace? Where are all the maps and the plans and the meetings? Why is everything in shambles?”
Jungmin’s fist curled instinctively, but the words Hyunjoong left him snaked around his hand, tying it down. And he found himself unclenching one finger at a time, the activity helping him to tune out to the ranting assaulting his ears.
“Hey! Are you listening to me?”
And that was how he met Hyungjoon.
~*~
“Now why is it that we’re taking this mission? Isn’t this type usually assigned to Kyujong?” Jungmin asked as he eyed the entrance of the building they were supposed to visit - or rather, the place which the cell they were about to visit stayed in.
“Well, yes. But Hyunjoong thought that this cell might be a little… overwhelming for Kyujong.” Youngsaeng explained as he checked their surroundings to make sure they weren’t being followed. “Usually, his empathy is an asset with dealing with other cells. But it also makes him a little sensitive.”
“So?” Jungmin shrugged.
“So,” Youngsaeng gave Jungmin a look as he pressed the doorbell. “Usually the cells Kyujong deal with aren’t used to having a timid, honest man deal with them. They’re used to guile and political dancing. And the difference tames them a bit. However, this cell...”
Then, the door opened, and Jungmin turned to see a pair of startled brown eyes blinking at him, before they sparked up with a smile.
Half an hour later, Jungmin was quiet as they were leaving, so quiet that Youngsaeng was a little worried.
Finally, Jungmin broke the silence. Abruptly, just like he would normally do, and Youngsaeng relaxed. “Well, that was different.”
Youngsaeng’s lips quirked into a little smile. “Yeah. Well, you wouldn’t think you’d ever meet someone who could fall into a wastebasket and get stuck three time consecutively, but then, that’s Jinki-sshi.”
“Hmm? Well, yes, that, but I mean…” Jungmin struggled to put his thoughts into words. “…Why are they so different from us?”
Youngsaeng turned to look at Jungmin, knowing what the other meant. Theirs was a cell of separate individuals. Jungmin had probably never questioned it, never having known anything different. But now he’d seen Jinki’s cell - the epitome of community - 5 individuals working as one, the bond almost tangible as glowing string. He’d seen the softness of Jinki’s touch as he worked with the ones he’d fixed, treating them like they were his own children, and perhaps they were. The most Hyunjoong had given him was probably a casual pat on the back.
“Well. Because we’re different people.” Youngsaeng said mildly. “They’re them and we’re us. And Hyunjoong’s different from Jinki in the way he uses his craft.”
“Hm… well. I’m glad.” Youngsaeng blinked at Jungmin’s response.
“You’re glad?”
“Yeah well. If Hyunjoong ever tried to caress my cheek like that I would have bitten his hand off.” Jungmin shuddered. “It was so mushy in there I nearly puked sugar out of saturation. I’m glad we’re different from them and Hyunjoong treats us like he does.”
The bark of laughter from Youngsaeng nearly had Jungmin jumping five feet. And when he’d calmed down enough to answer Jungmin’s bewildered and wary look, he only said. “Yeah. Hah. Now I understand what Hyunjoong was saying about the nature of the kintsugi cells. Everything is just what we need, don’t you think?”
“Er. Right.” Jungmin sidled a little to the side, still eyeing Youngsaeng warily. “Whatever you say.”
And Youngsaeng smiled.
~*~
“Argh, why are all of you still so messy, I’ve said time and time again…”
Jungmin blocked off the rest of what Hyungjoon was saying, because if he didn’t, he’d probably had hit Hyungjoon. And after that last incident, Jungmin knew that if he were to act out against the younger, they’d probably have a runaway and Hyunjoong wouldn’t be pleased. And Jungmin had only yelled at Hyungjoon the last time. Granted, it really was Hyungjoon’s fault to continue getting on Jungmin’s case after he’d given the younger fair warning that he was tired, and any more nagging would result in blood.
There hadn’t been blood, but after all the self-pitying looks Hyungjoon had directed his way weeks after made it seem as if there had been.
Jungmin had a magazine in front of him, but he wasn’t reading it. Instead, he peeked at Hyungjoon over the pages, watching as Hyungjoon went around, now hounding Youngsaeng about his habit of eating in his room and not clearing the mess it made.
It suddenly occurred to Jungmin that Hyunjoong had yet to give their youngest any mission as of yet. And what was even weirder, because anyone who had been fixed with kintsugi would gain a new power, yet Hyungjoon had never displayed anything of the sort before.
Jungmin thought it was a pity. For all his whining, Jungmin could see that Hyungjoon was a very talented individual. He probably had been before he’d been broken. Jungmin shook his head, pride did come before a fall.
Then, it was as if things came into focus. And Jungmin looked up sharply, staring at Hyungjoon again.
“He still thinks he was never broken.”
“Hyungjoon.”
The quiet call of the name brought everything screeching into a stunned halt despite the racket going on. Or maybe it was the fact that Jungmin hadn’t given a thunderous shout that was the cause of the surprise.
Whatever it was, he had Hyungjoon’s attention. Although he wouldn’t have it for long. Hyungjoon’s mouth was already on its way to taking the first breath on a fresh tirade.
“Hyungjoon.” Jungmin said quickly again. “You know you’re not the oldest anymore right?”
The question seemed to stun everyone in the room, let alone the subject of it. And Hyungjoon stuttered. “J-jungmin-sshi? What are you talking about?”
“Youngsaeng told me. In your old cell, you were the oldest. You were even older than the kintsugi practitioner himself.” Jungmin shrugged. “Excuse me for being blunt, but I think you refused to let yourself believe you were broken before because of that. You were the oldest, you had responsibilities. The oldest couldn’t have been broken like that.”
Hyungjoon was gaping at him. But Jungmin continued on.
“Frankly, I think that’s bullshit. But hey, you have rights to whatever you believe in. However, that’s not the case now, isn’t it? You’re not the oldest anymore. You don’t have responsibilities. We don’t need you to take care of us. So act your age, alright?”
It was like a barrier had been dissolved, and right before their eyes, the front that Hyungjoon had been putting on collapsed like broken glass. Jungmin sighed, his magazine tossed to one side as he stood, striding over to Hyungjoon.
The youngest looked up, a haunted look in his eyes as he whispered. “I… I was broken.”
“So? There’s nothing wrong with that, or have you forgotten who you’re living with?” Jungmin quirked an eyebrow, patting Hyungjoon on the shoulder. “We’ve all been through that at one point or another. We know how you feel. Don’t see us denying it.”
“Besides, I’ve already fixed you, remember?” Jungmin nearly jumped when Hyunjoong gave up behind him, leaning onto his shoulder as he lifted a hand to pat Hyungjoon’s cheek. “And kintsugi means that you’re now better for being broken, because when something’s suffered damage, it has a history and that makes it even more beautiful.”
Hyungjoon was quiet, his eyes troubled as he evaluated their statements. And in that moment was bitter disappointment, trepidation and a slim, burning hope all at once.
Then, Jungmin rolled his eyes, pushing Hyunjoong’s arm off of him. “Yah! Did I say you could use my shoulder as a rest?”
Hyungjoon looked shocked as the moment was broken. But Hyunjoong only pouted. “Jungmin, you should be nicer to your leader!”
Things got noisy a little quickly too as Youngsaeng joined in the insulting, going to the point where Kyujong got pulled in as an unwitting judge to whose ridiculous statements were the most right. But Hyungjoon was quiet as he watched the cell. Quiet as he finally saw the cell for what they were, and how different they were from his old one. The old one where he’d been the oldest. But here, things were different. Jungmin was right - Hyungjoon wasn’t the oldest anymore.
“Yah! Hyungjoon, what are you just standing there for? Tell me, who do you think is right here?”
And Hyungjoon smiled.
~*~
“I never knew that Hyungjoon had been fixed by Leader-sshi. I always thought his old leader fixed him.”
Jungmin blinked, looking up at the quiet man he was accompanying. It was Kyujong’s mission, but the area which the cell they were visiting was notoriously dangerous, so Jungmin was there as the muscle. “Well, apparently, Soohyun-sshi’s the type of guy who respects other people’s decisions even if he’s a bit authoritative. So when Hyungjoon refused to believe he was broken, Soohyun didn’t do anything. But it was getting a bit out of hand so, Soohyun called Hyunjoong in for help, and as you know, Hyunjoong has no such qualms about forcing people into doing things they don’t want to.”
Kyujong smiled a little at that. “Sounds like Leader-sshi.”
They continued walking in comfortable silence when Kyujong broke it again. “Hyungjoon’s ability is nice, isn’t it?”
“Nice?” Jungmin thought about it. Hyungjoon’s ability was an innate sense for strategy. He could look at maps and plans and come up with a near infallible plan. And now he’d calmed down enough to actually use it, they completed much more missions than before. And he didn’t know about the others, but Jungmin’s job had become much, much easier. “Well, I guess it’s not as flashy as mine or Youngsaeng’s, but yeah, it’s pretty good.”
“Yeah… it’s very… useful.”
There was something about the way Kyujong said that sentence. As if there was an unknown sadness, a tremble in his voice as if he was afraid of something…
“Jungmin?” Kyujong was startled when Jungmin suddenly stopped walking.
“Kyujong-hyung.” And that phrase in itself startled Kyujong. Jungmin rarely called anyone hyung even though he was second youngest - in fact, Kyujong usually forgot that he was actually older than Jungmin. “Youngsaeng once said something in passing about the nature of kintsugi cells. He said that ‘everything is just what we need’. I think what he meant was… we work. Everyone in this cell is different in both personality and ability. We all bring something to the table and we just… work. And if just one of us was missing, it just… wouldn’t work.”
Jungmin reached out, just stopping sort of Kyujong’s hand. “We need you, Kyujong-hyung. Okay?”
Kyujong stared at the hand in front of him. And for a second, it seemed as if Kyujong was wavering. As if there was fear in his eyes at the sudden responsibility, as if he wanted to leave the hand where it was - to step back and down and run away.
Then that second passed, and Kyujong took Jungmin’s hand. His eyes were a little watery, but his voice was strong as he murmured his agreement, “yeah.”
And Kyujong smiled.
~*~
“You seem to be stealing my job.”
Jungmin had just reached home and was resting on his bed, too boneless to take a bath when Hyunjoong seemingly popped up out of nowhere. After screaming and initially attacking the leader, they’d finally calmed down and Jungmin had reluctantly allowed Hyunjoong to lie down beside him on his bed.
“Huh?” Jungmin blinked, turning to stare at Hyunjoong. He thought it was another joke and prepared to laugh, but there was no trace of guile in the leader’s eyes and the laugh died in his throat.
“I mean it. I admit I’ve been a little busy, but you seem to have settled Kyujong and Hyungjoon very nicely into the cell. Yes, you had a little help with Hyungjoon. But still, Kyujong was entirely unprompted. Looks like Hyungjoon caused him to unsettle a little but I’m glad you dealt with it.” Hyunjoong continued, and Jungmin began to have a little idea about what he was talking about.
“You mean you had a job to get everyone settled into the cell? I thought it was just to fix us.” Jungmin blinked, then he thought about it for a while. “You didn’t get me adjusted.”
Hyunjoong looked a little insulted. “Of course I did. I set Youngsaeng on you. It was to help him too. Two birds with one stone. Although, I must say, you didn’t take much work. Certainly not as much as Hyungjoon or Kyujong. But even less work than Youngsaeng. Either I had a flare of inspiration when I fixed you, or… you have a natural aptitude for the art yourself.”
“I… what?” Now Jungmin was perplexed. But Hyunjoong was already continuing.
“Would you like to learn? I mean, I might be wrong and you might actually have no talent at all and I’ll probably get a punch for my effort, but still, I don’t think I am. You’d make a pretty good leader… and I’ve never gotten to teach before, maybe it’s time to start. A disciple would be nice…”
It sounded as if Hyunjoong was trying to convince himself that teaching Jungmin kintsugi would be a good idea. It was if Hyunjoong was almost… reluctant. But why..?
Then Jungmin remembered another fact about kintsugi cells - there was only ever one practitioner. Never two. Never three. Only one. If Jungmin learnt kintsugi he would have to leave. Hyunjoong didn’t want Jungmin to leave, and yet he was still offering it to Jungmin. He was offering Jungmin the chance for freedom. Freedom from what though, Jungmin didn’t know.
Jungmin laughed, stopping Hyunjoong’s monologue. An eyebrow rose. “What’s so funny?”
“No, I was just thinking, compared to the other cells… I like your style the best of all. Youngsaeng was right. You’re the one I really needed.” Jungmin tilted his head to the side, thinking for a bit. “No, not needed. Need.”
The eyebrow rose higher. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. As for learning kintsugi… the thought never really crossed my mind. But if I ever want to learn in the future, I’ll let you know.”
“Huh.” Hyunjoong pursed his lips, considering this, then he nodded. “Hmm… I do like you.”
And then he kissed Jungmin.
Hours later, Jungmin woke up to a pile of tangled limbs. Kyujong was clinging onto his arm, and Hyungjoon his leg, and he was pretty sure the breathing sound in his ear was Youngsaeng. Groaning a little, he turned to see Hyunjoong awake.
“When did they get here?” Jungmin asked after he broke away from the soft kiss.
“In the middle where you got a little out of it.” The smile of Hyunjoong’s face was lopsided.
“Huh. So that was two sets of hands…”
Hyunjoong chortled before turning serious again. He glanced at the others before saying softly. “They need me too. You don’t regret this?”
Jungmin raised an eyebrow. He’d thought it was obvious. “Everything is just what I need.”
They shared a smile before Jungmin let out an irritated sigh and glared down at Hyungjoon. “Although, the specifics of ‘need’ have to be sorted out. Hyungjoon! Stop drooling on my leg, damnit!”
Hyunjoong watched quietly as one by one, all the members of his cell awoke. He watched as they cursed at each other and laughed at each other, teasing each other like normal friends would. He watched, and he admired, the fruition of his work and how beautiful they all were.
And Hyunjoong, smiled.
Pairing: Hyunjoong/Jungmin, OT5
Rating: PG
Genre: Fantasy, AU
Summary: What has been broken can always be fixed, but no one said that they would return to their original value. Sometimes, most times, broken things become discarded, their usefulness diminished, almost as if they’d be better thrown away. Sometimes, few times but oh so precious times, they become something more beautiful.
[A/N: It's been so long since I've written anything, and even longer since I've written for double S. Sorry if the characterizations are a little bit off ^^;; Anyway, this story is for renichifreak, yeonah and saengiephile. It was supposed to be their Christmas giftfic, but Christmas was crazy, and the start of the school term even more so. So yeah. It's just giftfic now ^^]
Jungmin supposed that it did hurt somewhat, to be thrown out because one was broken. He supposed that being looked at disappointingly and then deemed entirely useless as they’d left him behind would have been crippling to one’s mental health. He supposed that being stared at pitifully by people as they walked by would have made one want to scream with angry helplessness. But for all the supposing, Jungmin thought that all that had happened wasn’t all that bad - those people hadn’t been unnecessarily cruel. They’d just been stating a fact. He was broken and thus useless and so he had been thrown away - it was just the way things worked.
Or at least that was what he was telling himself. Better numb than hurting.
It was so when he was jostled out of his jaded contemplative state by arms wrapping around his prone body that he started in surprise, nearly making the person lose his grip and protested. “But I’m broken.”
The person paused, pulling backwards so that Jungmin could stare into slightly bewildered brown eyes and a blank expression of much complexity. “I know. That’s the whole point.”
Then the arms were back around him again, lifting him up and carrying him away from amongst the other broken things.
And that was how he’d met Hyunjoong.
~*~
Jungmin hadn’t known he’d fallen asleep until he’d woken up to a dim light and the outline of a person smiling lazily down at him.
“Hello.”
Wary, he didn’t reply. He waited, eyes adjusting to the darkness, slowly revealing features to a face - brown hair, sole black eyes, baby cheeks and blushed baby lips. If not for the fact that Jungmin felt rather solidly heavy due to a small headache throbbing in his temple and that he was pretty sure that angels didn’t wear fluffy bear-decorated dressing robes, he’d thought he’d have died and gone to… well, okay, so that idea was rather ludicrous since he’d never thought he’d end up on the good side of any version of the afterlife.
The other man’s lips twitched again, this time sharp amusement before it faded again into the bland smile of before. “Ah, I forgot what it’s like to be first picked up from the streets. It’s fine if you don’t want to speak, but if you don’t ask the questions that must be floating in your head, I’m not going to answer.”
Jungmin had never been a curious person before, but now, he could feel the questions bubbling in the back of his throat, like an itch that needed to be scratched. “Who…?”
“Ah, that wasn’t too hard wasn’t it?” The man stretched himself out on the chair he was sitting on, and Jungmin was strongly reminded of a cat. “Anyway, my name is inconsequential. You’ll find out soon one way or another. Besides, we probably won’t even be working together.”
Jungmin waited, but the man offered no other information than what he just gave. Jungmin scowled even as the man grinned at him. So that was the game then. “Why are you here? Where’s that man who picked me up?”
“Well, good thing those two are connected because answering questions is rather tedious.” The man yawned. “You’re here because the man who picked you up, Hyunjoong’s his name by the way, brought you here to rest after he fixed you.”
“Fixed me?” The question was out before Jungmin could stop it. And he frowned. He’d never been that chatty before. Nor that inquisitive. Had they done something to him?
He almost missed that flicker in that smile - the man knew something. But all he said was. “Yes, fixed you.”
“How?”
“I don’t know the details. But Hyunjoong calls it ‘kintsugi’.” The man lifted his fingers and mimed closed inverted commas. “He’s a ‘practitioner’ of it. Its name’s from the original Japanese art of fixing broken ceramic shit with gold.”
“He fixed me with gold?” The incredulity is clear in Jungmin’s voice, and the man grinned at him for it.
“Yeah, feel more bling already?” The man rolled his eyes. “Obviously not.”
Jungmin’s jaw ached a little from scowling so much. The man was wasting his time. “Maybe not.” He raised his hands, gesturing at himself sarcastically. “But I do feel different. Fixed. Perhaps.”
To his surprise, the man eyes softened a little. “Really.”
The remark was sarcastic, but hearing it out loud, Jungmin realized it was… true. “I feel… different. Better.”
“Yes. You are different.” A mirror was lifted up to his face, reflecting the startled expression in Jungmin's face at it's appearance.
Jungmin stared into the mirror, into eyes that were once brown now tinged with red, and hair that once was black, a fiery crimson. “What…? But… why?”
“Because, that’s the whole point of kintsugi. You make something broken not only useful, but beautiful again.” The man sighed, yawning once again. “And for all his faults, Hyunjoong is good at what he does.”
“But… why?”
The man smiled, lifting his arms up and stretching back as if to sleep. “Who knows?”
And that was how he met Youngsaeng.
~*~
“Oh dear. Looks like we’re gonna get swarmed.”
Jungmin grit his teeth, barely having the time to glance up at the lazy swine that was perched bonelessly atop a lamppost before he had to duck and shoot another fireball at one of the demons who had gotten close enough to nearly bite his head off. “Well maybe we wouldn’t get swamped if you helped out!”
“Little old me? Ah, but I’m so weak, Jungmin-ah. You’ll do better without me getting in your way.” Youngsaeng grinned, stretching out his back. “Oh, and watch out behind you.”
Jungmin rolled his eyes as reached behind him, grabbing the demon’s face. He didn’t need to see to know that the demon’s face was on fire even as it screeched. “Weak my ass.” He mumbled. Youngsaeng might not have the offensive gift of fire that Jungmin had been given, but Youngsaeng’s gift of shadow-walking made him a terrifying assassin, especially since Youngsaeng also had an unhealthy obsession with daggers. When he managed to gain a little breather, clearing a healthy hole in the hoard of demons, he took the time to make a particular vulgar gesture at the shadow-walker.
Youngsaeng laughed. “Oh, you would want that, wouldn’t you?” He smirked at Jungmin’s obvious disdain. “Anyway, you shouldn’t be lazy. This is your mission after all. Hyunjoong gave you instructions, all inside a nice envelope and all.”
“Is someone who’s just lazing on top of a lamppost really the one who should be lecturing me about lazine-” Jungmin was interrupted by the sound of a loud scream - human, male and very much terrified. “What was that?”
“Hmm…” Youngsaeng thought contemplatively for a moment, pushing himself up to stand. “That sounds like my mission.”
“Your mission? What are you talking about- hey!” Youngsaeng had disappeared from his perch, the telltale wisps of black smoke of shadow walking in his stead. Jungmin refrained from grinding his teeth again - it was already taking him more effort to chew food since they’d worn down from the constant friction.
Jungmin considered ignoring the frustrating lazybones and getting on with his own mission, but there was another cry of fear, and his curiosity won over his common sense. Letting out a self-depreciating yell of frustration, Jungmin barreled his way through the demons in the general direction of the cry.
He supposed he was a sight, flames licking the skin of his arms, panting after that bit of exertion, his eyes aglow with what Youngsaeng lovingly referred to as “that loonybin look he always has after destroying something”. Still he didn’t think he’d look that scary that he’d make a grown man cry.
Youngsaeng looked up where he was comforting the man in his arms, his expression something Jungmin had never thought he’d see on the flippant man’s face. Their eyes met for a moment, Youngsaeng’s lips twitching up into a small, sad smile. “Oh, that’s just Jungmin. He’s one of us. He might seem a little scary at first but he’s just a nice guy. A little flaily at times. But nice.”
“What?” Jungmin scowled at the comment. “I do not flail.”
“Of course you do.” Youngsaeng stated, a smirk on his face. “Last night you flailed so hard at the horror show we were watching you fell off the couch.”
Well, he had, but that was just a normal human’s reaction and it wasn’t fair of Youngsaeng to bring it up anyway. But before he could retort, the both of them stopped at the sound of a small, muffled laugh that cut off as if it was frightened of being heard.
Jungmin looked down and he met frightened eyes. And in that moment, he felt a sense of déjà vu. Those eyes, so vulnerable and yet so blank, as if there was a chasm, an emptiness - something had been lost. Jungmin used to know those eyes - he used to see them in the mirror everyday.
This man was broken. Like he had been.
Unable to look anymore, Jungmin diverted his eyes, only to meet Youngsaeng’s sole black ones. The look in them was one of understanding. And it was also the smugness of knowing. And that was when Jungmin realized.
The man was broken like Jungmin had been. But just like he had for Jungmin, Hyunjoong was going to fix him.
And that was how Jungmin met Kyujong.
~*~
Jungmin hadn’t been back properly to their place for months now. He wouldn’t call it home exactly since he rarely spent time in it, but it was the place where he slept and ate and where the others did too. He would have complained except he knew that it wasn’t like he was the only one who was busy - the others were just as transient in their stays and their only constant was the 5 room apartment which was rented in Hyunjoong’s name.
The rare times he was back, he bantered a little bit with Youngsaeng, chatted a little bit with their newest member, Kyujong, whom Jungmin found he actually quite liked. He never really saw Hyunjoong except for glimpses. A pat on his arm as he walked out the door and Hyunjoong came in or vice versa. But as things went, they generally just did their own thing, and were friendly strangers bond by something inexplicable, living on the fringes of each other’s lives.
So it came to a total surprise to him when he came back one day and was assaulted by the sound of a whining voice nagging at everyone and no one about the state of the communal laundry basket.
“New guy. A bit different from us. He used to belong to another cell. There was a few problems because he’s oldest in age there and kept trying to show up Soohyun, that’s the other leader’s name, so Hyunjoong heard and told Soohyun that he’d take him instead.”
Jungmin nearly jumped when Youngsaeng suddenly came up behind him. “He’s pretty noisy.”
“Well, no shit, Sherlock.” Jungmin scowled, “maybe he’ll be less noisy if I whack him over the head-ow!”
“Be easy on him.” Hyunjoong said airily as he retracted his hand. Jungmin frowned at him, rubbing his head. “What was that for?!”
“Just a reminder how painful a hit on the head can be. That said, you’ve been doing well.” Jungmin yelped when Hyunjoong suddenly reached out and enveloped Jungmin into a hug. If this was anything normal, Jungmin would have yelped, kicked out and probably sucker-punched Hyunjoong in the stomach. But this was anything but normal, and when slim fingers ran through his hair, he paused, wheeling from the first intimate touch in… he couldn’t even remember. Then lips brushed past his ear and words were whispered. “But not everyone can be you. He still thinks he was never broken.”
Then Hyunjoong was gone, leaving only those cryptic words and a rather stunned Jungmin behind him.
“Hey, where’s he going? Hyunjoong-sshi! And yah! Youngsaeng-sshi, stop ignoring me and come back!” Jungmin turned around and realized that all that was left of Youngsaeng were wisps of smoke. And when he righted himself, he came face to face with the reason why everyone disappeared.
“And who are you? Are you one of the cell as well? Well, you must be. Can you please tell someone in charge that this place is a disgrace? Where are all the maps and the plans and the meetings? Why is everything in shambles?”
Jungmin’s fist curled instinctively, but the words Hyunjoong left him snaked around his hand, tying it down. And he found himself unclenching one finger at a time, the activity helping him to tune out to the ranting assaulting his ears.
“Hey! Are you listening to me?”
And that was how he met Hyungjoon.
~*~
“Now why is it that we’re taking this mission? Isn’t this type usually assigned to Kyujong?” Jungmin asked as he eyed the entrance of the building they were supposed to visit - or rather, the place which the cell they were about to visit stayed in.
“Well, yes. But Hyunjoong thought that this cell might be a little… overwhelming for Kyujong.” Youngsaeng explained as he checked their surroundings to make sure they weren’t being followed. “Usually, his empathy is an asset with dealing with other cells. But it also makes him a little sensitive.”
“So?” Jungmin shrugged.
“So,” Youngsaeng gave Jungmin a look as he pressed the doorbell. “Usually the cells Kyujong deal with aren’t used to having a timid, honest man deal with them. They’re used to guile and political dancing. And the difference tames them a bit. However, this cell...”
Then, the door opened, and Jungmin turned to see a pair of startled brown eyes blinking at him, before they sparked up with a smile.
Half an hour later, Jungmin was quiet as they were leaving, so quiet that Youngsaeng was a little worried.
Finally, Jungmin broke the silence. Abruptly, just like he would normally do, and Youngsaeng relaxed. “Well, that was different.”
Youngsaeng’s lips quirked into a little smile. “Yeah. Well, you wouldn’t think you’d ever meet someone who could fall into a wastebasket and get stuck three time consecutively, but then, that’s Jinki-sshi.”
“Hmm? Well, yes, that, but I mean…” Jungmin struggled to put his thoughts into words. “…Why are they so different from us?”
Youngsaeng turned to look at Jungmin, knowing what the other meant. Theirs was a cell of separate individuals. Jungmin had probably never questioned it, never having known anything different. But now he’d seen Jinki’s cell - the epitome of community - 5 individuals working as one, the bond almost tangible as glowing string. He’d seen the softness of Jinki’s touch as he worked with the ones he’d fixed, treating them like they were his own children, and perhaps they were. The most Hyunjoong had given him was probably a casual pat on the back.
“Well. Because we’re different people.” Youngsaeng said mildly. “They’re them and we’re us. And Hyunjoong’s different from Jinki in the way he uses his craft.”
“Hm… well. I’m glad.” Youngsaeng blinked at Jungmin’s response.
“You’re glad?”
“Yeah well. If Hyunjoong ever tried to caress my cheek like that I would have bitten his hand off.” Jungmin shuddered. “It was so mushy in there I nearly puked sugar out of saturation. I’m glad we’re different from them and Hyunjoong treats us like he does.”
The bark of laughter from Youngsaeng nearly had Jungmin jumping five feet. And when he’d calmed down enough to answer Jungmin’s bewildered and wary look, he only said. “Yeah. Hah. Now I understand what Hyunjoong was saying about the nature of the kintsugi cells. Everything is just what we need, don’t you think?”
“Er. Right.” Jungmin sidled a little to the side, still eyeing Youngsaeng warily. “Whatever you say.”
And Youngsaeng smiled.
~*~
“Argh, why are all of you still so messy, I’ve said time and time again…”
Jungmin blocked off the rest of what Hyungjoon was saying, because if he didn’t, he’d probably had hit Hyungjoon. And after that last incident, Jungmin knew that if he were to act out against the younger, they’d probably have a runaway and Hyunjoong wouldn’t be pleased. And Jungmin had only yelled at Hyungjoon the last time. Granted, it really was Hyungjoon’s fault to continue getting on Jungmin’s case after he’d given the younger fair warning that he was tired, and any more nagging would result in blood.
There hadn’t been blood, but after all the self-pitying looks Hyungjoon had directed his way weeks after made it seem as if there had been.
Jungmin had a magazine in front of him, but he wasn’t reading it. Instead, he peeked at Hyungjoon over the pages, watching as Hyungjoon went around, now hounding Youngsaeng about his habit of eating in his room and not clearing the mess it made.
It suddenly occurred to Jungmin that Hyunjoong had yet to give their youngest any mission as of yet. And what was even weirder, because anyone who had been fixed with kintsugi would gain a new power, yet Hyungjoon had never displayed anything of the sort before.
Jungmin thought it was a pity. For all his whining, Jungmin could see that Hyungjoon was a very talented individual. He probably had been before he’d been broken. Jungmin shook his head, pride did come before a fall.
Then, it was as if things came into focus. And Jungmin looked up sharply, staring at Hyungjoon again.
“He still thinks he was never broken.”
“Hyungjoon.”
The quiet call of the name brought everything screeching into a stunned halt despite the racket going on. Or maybe it was the fact that Jungmin hadn’t given a thunderous shout that was the cause of the surprise.
Whatever it was, he had Hyungjoon’s attention. Although he wouldn’t have it for long. Hyungjoon’s mouth was already on its way to taking the first breath on a fresh tirade.
“Hyungjoon.” Jungmin said quickly again. “You know you’re not the oldest anymore right?”
The question seemed to stun everyone in the room, let alone the subject of it. And Hyungjoon stuttered. “J-jungmin-sshi? What are you talking about?”
“Youngsaeng told me. In your old cell, you were the oldest. You were even older than the kintsugi practitioner himself.” Jungmin shrugged. “Excuse me for being blunt, but I think you refused to let yourself believe you were broken before because of that. You were the oldest, you had responsibilities. The oldest couldn’t have been broken like that.”
Hyungjoon was gaping at him. But Jungmin continued on.
“Frankly, I think that’s bullshit. But hey, you have rights to whatever you believe in. However, that’s not the case now, isn’t it? You’re not the oldest anymore. You don’t have responsibilities. We don’t need you to take care of us. So act your age, alright?”
It was like a barrier had been dissolved, and right before their eyes, the front that Hyungjoon had been putting on collapsed like broken glass. Jungmin sighed, his magazine tossed to one side as he stood, striding over to Hyungjoon.
The youngest looked up, a haunted look in his eyes as he whispered. “I… I was broken.”
“So? There’s nothing wrong with that, or have you forgotten who you’re living with?” Jungmin quirked an eyebrow, patting Hyungjoon on the shoulder. “We’ve all been through that at one point or another. We know how you feel. Don’t see us denying it.”
“Besides, I’ve already fixed you, remember?” Jungmin nearly jumped when Hyunjoong gave up behind him, leaning onto his shoulder as he lifted a hand to pat Hyungjoon’s cheek. “And kintsugi means that you’re now better for being broken, because when something’s suffered damage, it has a history and that makes it even more beautiful.”
Hyungjoon was quiet, his eyes troubled as he evaluated their statements. And in that moment was bitter disappointment, trepidation and a slim, burning hope all at once.
Then, Jungmin rolled his eyes, pushing Hyunjoong’s arm off of him. “Yah! Did I say you could use my shoulder as a rest?”
Hyungjoon looked shocked as the moment was broken. But Hyunjoong only pouted. “Jungmin, you should be nicer to your leader!”
Things got noisy a little quickly too as Youngsaeng joined in the insulting, going to the point where Kyujong got pulled in as an unwitting judge to whose ridiculous statements were the most right. But Hyungjoon was quiet as he watched the cell. Quiet as he finally saw the cell for what they were, and how different they were from his old one. The old one where he’d been the oldest. But here, things were different. Jungmin was right - Hyungjoon wasn’t the oldest anymore.
“Yah! Hyungjoon, what are you just standing there for? Tell me, who do you think is right here?”
And Hyungjoon smiled.
~*~
“I never knew that Hyungjoon had been fixed by Leader-sshi. I always thought his old leader fixed him.”
Jungmin blinked, looking up at the quiet man he was accompanying. It was Kyujong’s mission, but the area which the cell they were visiting was notoriously dangerous, so Jungmin was there as the muscle. “Well, apparently, Soohyun-sshi’s the type of guy who respects other people’s decisions even if he’s a bit authoritative. So when Hyungjoon refused to believe he was broken, Soohyun didn’t do anything. But it was getting a bit out of hand so, Soohyun called Hyunjoong in for help, and as you know, Hyunjoong has no such qualms about forcing people into doing things they don’t want to.”
Kyujong smiled a little at that. “Sounds like Leader-sshi.”
They continued walking in comfortable silence when Kyujong broke it again. “Hyungjoon’s ability is nice, isn’t it?”
“Nice?” Jungmin thought about it. Hyungjoon’s ability was an innate sense for strategy. He could look at maps and plans and come up with a near infallible plan. And now he’d calmed down enough to actually use it, they completed much more missions than before. And he didn’t know about the others, but Jungmin’s job had become much, much easier. “Well, I guess it’s not as flashy as mine or Youngsaeng’s, but yeah, it’s pretty good.”
“Yeah… it’s very… useful.”
There was something about the way Kyujong said that sentence. As if there was an unknown sadness, a tremble in his voice as if he was afraid of something…
“Jungmin?” Kyujong was startled when Jungmin suddenly stopped walking.
“Kyujong-hyung.” And that phrase in itself startled Kyujong. Jungmin rarely called anyone hyung even though he was second youngest - in fact, Kyujong usually forgot that he was actually older than Jungmin. “Youngsaeng once said something in passing about the nature of kintsugi cells. He said that ‘everything is just what we need’. I think what he meant was… we work. Everyone in this cell is different in both personality and ability. We all bring something to the table and we just… work. And if just one of us was missing, it just… wouldn’t work.”
Jungmin reached out, just stopping sort of Kyujong’s hand. “We need you, Kyujong-hyung. Okay?”
Kyujong stared at the hand in front of him. And for a second, it seemed as if Kyujong was wavering. As if there was fear in his eyes at the sudden responsibility, as if he wanted to leave the hand where it was - to step back and down and run away.
Then that second passed, and Kyujong took Jungmin’s hand. His eyes were a little watery, but his voice was strong as he murmured his agreement, “yeah.”
And Kyujong smiled.
~*~
“You seem to be stealing my job.”
Jungmin had just reached home and was resting on his bed, too boneless to take a bath when Hyunjoong seemingly popped up out of nowhere. After screaming and initially attacking the leader, they’d finally calmed down and Jungmin had reluctantly allowed Hyunjoong to lie down beside him on his bed.
“Huh?” Jungmin blinked, turning to stare at Hyunjoong. He thought it was another joke and prepared to laugh, but there was no trace of guile in the leader’s eyes and the laugh died in his throat.
“I mean it. I admit I’ve been a little busy, but you seem to have settled Kyujong and Hyungjoon very nicely into the cell. Yes, you had a little help with Hyungjoon. But still, Kyujong was entirely unprompted. Looks like Hyungjoon caused him to unsettle a little but I’m glad you dealt with it.” Hyunjoong continued, and Jungmin began to have a little idea about what he was talking about.
“You mean you had a job to get everyone settled into the cell? I thought it was just to fix us.” Jungmin blinked, then he thought about it for a while. “You didn’t get me adjusted.”
Hyunjoong looked a little insulted. “Of course I did. I set Youngsaeng on you. It was to help him too. Two birds with one stone. Although, I must say, you didn’t take much work. Certainly not as much as Hyungjoon or Kyujong. But even less work than Youngsaeng. Either I had a flare of inspiration when I fixed you, or… you have a natural aptitude for the art yourself.”
“I… what?” Now Jungmin was perplexed. But Hyunjoong was already continuing.
“Would you like to learn? I mean, I might be wrong and you might actually have no talent at all and I’ll probably get a punch for my effort, but still, I don’t think I am. You’d make a pretty good leader… and I’ve never gotten to teach before, maybe it’s time to start. A disciple would be nice…”
It sounded as if Hyunjoong was trying to convince himself that teaching Jungmin kintsugi would be a good idea. It was if Hyunjoong was almost… reluctant. But why..?
Then Jungmin remembered another fact about kintsugi cells - there was only ever one practitioner. Never two. Never three. Only one. If Jungmin learnt kintsugi he would have to leave. Hyunjoong didn’t want Jungmin to leave, and yet he was still offering it to Jungmin. He was offering Jungmin the chance for freedom. Freedom from what though, Jungmin didn’t know.
Jungmin laughed, stopping Hyunjoong’s monologue. An eyebrow rose. “What’s so funny?”
“No, I was just thinking, compared to the other cells… I like your style the best of all. Youngsaeng was right. You’re the one I really needed.” Jungmin tilted his head to the side, thinking for a bit. “No, not needed. Need.”
The eyebrow rose higher. “Is that so?”
“Yeah. As for learning kintsugi… the thought never really crossed my mind. But if I ever want to learn in the future, I’ll let you know.”
“Huh.” Hyunjoong pursed his lips, considering this, then he nodded. “Hmm… I do like you.”
And then he kissed Jungmin.
Hours later, Jungmin woke up to a pile of tangled limbs. Kyujong was clinging onto his arm, and Hyungjoon his leg, and he was pretty sure the breathing sound in his ear was Youngsaeng. Groaning a little, he turned to see Hyunjoong awake.
“When did they get here?” Jungmin asked after he broke away from the soft kiss.
“In the middle where you got a little out of it.” The smile of Hyunjoong’s face was lopsided.
“Huh. So that was two sets of hands…”
Hyunjoong chortled before turning serious again. He glanced at the others before saying softly. “They need me too. You don’t regret this?”
Jungmin raised an eyebrow. He’d thought it was obvious. “Everything is just what I need.”
They shared a smile before Jungmin let out an irritated sigh and glared down at Hyungjoon. “Although, the specifics of ‘need’ have to be sorted out. Hyungjoon! Stop drooling on my leg, damnit!”
Hyunjoong watched quietly as one by one, all the members of his cell awoke. He watched as they cursed at each other and laughed at each other, teasing each other like normal friends would. He watched, and he admired, the fruition of his work and how beautiful they all were.
And Hyunjoong, smiled.