growing up
Early July I was sitting at my former home with a newspaper and blank look on my face as I was sprawled across the floor scanning the pages for excitement. I ran across the section where they show up and comming bands and when and where they are playing in Houston. I daydreamed of rocking out like I used to. ...Going out like I used to.
It was then I decided to get up.
I had lost everything- the place I called home, most of my personal belongings, my mind. I lost myself in nothingness. I've never been this kind of person. What an insult! I was insulting my own being.
How dare I try to conform? How dare I try to be something I'm not? How dare I lose my beliefs to other people who never accepted them (or me for that matter)? Hahaha what a joke. I asked aloud, "Is this a joke?"
The joke was over.
After sitting back several months....No more. No more wasting my time, my money, my life....A pure waste of me. ME>was on the the line. And there I was letting people walk all over me and I backed down from them. I backed down from me.
People laughed at my failure, and with pleasure, rubbed in my every mistake. It wasn't ok that I was hanging around. Whether good or bad intention, it was apparent I wasn't welcomed. I wouldn't welcome me either. The thing is, those people didn't know me before. No one knew I stood up for what was mine. I stood up for what I believe in. How dare I give it up to sit around a bunch of people that only shrugged their shoulders in response to me trying to care for them. I couldn't care for anyone...I wasn't taking care of myself.
Oh and such shock from all.... Shocked at me.
I cannot deny who I am. I got back up. I'm not even going to elaborate on the things I've done because I don't need a pat on the back or recognition. And while some people are sitting there laughing at me...let me come laugh, too. I find the fact that I slipped and fell quite funny, too. Funny because I got right back up.
Sure it must be funny that I don't get as many phone calls as I used to. I've been through that. I've had so many people underneath and crowding me all the time. Why should I have to put up a front for other people? Because they want me to? Because I should say what you want to hear? That in itself must be another joke. I shouldn't have to watch what I say or do because other people might not like it. Sure, some people think I'm now boring for doing nothing but working and making mine. I guarantee for me nothing is more boring than a bunch of people around me only for the fact that they want something. I rather have my phone not ring as much because when it does ring it's a good friend instead of someone ready to tell me the new gossip. Gossip doesn't get my bills paid. I don't need all that. Drama isn't apart of my career so I don't need the theatrics! Don't get mad get glad.
I'm glad I got my own.
Some may disagree but I've found that most of the people what were always about me 24/7 weren't the ones I could consider to be friends. It was the people that I didn't see all the time that I remained closest to. They were too busy growing up and trying to fix their life to be about drama and bullshit.
At 20, it's about time I grow up, don'tcha think?
Admitting my weaknesses doesn't make me weaker, it makes me stronger because I can say the things openly that you wont. and I do what you dont. Now put that in your cereal. How's that for your daily dose?
I'm wearing less makeup
I don't fear what people think of me when I go out
I'm learning to save money
and what making sacrifices are all about...
what the fuck is going on?!
....I'm growing up.
It was then I decided to get up.
I had lost everything- the place I called home, most of my personal belongings, my mind. I lost myself in nothingness. I've never been this kind of person. What an insult! I was insulting my own being.
How dare I try to conform? How dare I try to be something I'm not? How dare I lose my beliefs to other people who never accepted them (or me for that matter)? Hahaha what a joke. I asked aloud, "Is this a joke?"
The joke was over.
After sitting back several months....No more. No more wasting my time, my money, my life....A pure waste of me. ME>was on the the line. And there I was letting people walk all over me and I backed down from them. I backed down from me.
People laughed at my failure, and with pleasure, rubbed in my every mistake. It wasn't ok that I was hanging around. Whether good or bad intention, it was apparent I wasn't welcomed. I wouldn't welcome me either. The thing is, those people didn't know me before. No one knew I stood up for what was mine. I stood up for what I believe in. How dare I give it up to sit around a bunch of people that only shrugged their shoulders in response to me trying to care for them. I couldn't care for anyone...I wasn't taking care of myself.
Oh and such shock from all.... Shocked at me.
I cannot deny who I am. I got back up. I'm not even going to elaborate on the things I've done because I don't need a pat on the back or recognition. And while some people are sitting there laughing at me...let me come laugh, too. I find the fact that I slipped and fell quite funny, too. Funny because I got right back up.
Sure it must be funny that I don't get as many phone calls as I used to. I've been through that. I've had so many people underneath and crowding me all the time. Why should I have to put up a front for other people? Because they want me to? Because I should say what you want to hear? That in itself must be another joke. I shouldn't have to watch what I say or do because other people might not like it. Sure, some people think I'm now boring for doing nothing but working and making mine. I guarantee for me nothing is more boring than a bunch of people around me only for the fact that they want something. I rather have my phone not ring as much because when it does ring it's a good friend instead of someone ready to tell me the new gossip. Gossip doesn't get my bills paid. I don't need all that. Drama isn't apart of my career so I don't need the theatrics! Don't get mad get glad.
I'm glad I got my own.
Some may disagree but I've found that most of the people what were always about me 24/7 weren't the ones I could consider to be friends. It was the people that I didn't see all the time that I remained closest to. They were too busy growing up and trying to fix their life to be about drama and bullshit.
At 20, it's about time I grow up, don'tcha think?
Admitting my weaknesses doesn't make me weaker, it makes me stronger because I can say the things openly that you wont. and I do what you dont. Now put that in your cereal. How's that for your daily dose?
I'm wearing less makeup
I don't fear what people think of me when I go out
I'm learning to save money
and what making sacrifices are all about...
what the fuck is going on?!
....I'm growing up.