(no subject)
Title: A Wedding to Remember
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Pairing: Hagrid/Fenrir, with background Ron/Hermione
Warnings: Crack!fic, mpreg, fluff.
Word Count: 1800
Summary: Hermione and Ron receive a rather surprising wedding invite.
Prompt : "Crack!fic! Hagrid and Fenrir are both desperate and lonely and finally find love in each other's hairy, smelly arms. One of them winds up mpreg, and the whole gang comes out to throw them a baby shower."
Disclaimer: No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author Notes: Thank you to aigooism for the beta! Written for hpchallengefest last year. I just forgot to post the actual fic here. I think I linked it or something though.
Hermione picked up the piece of pink parchment and wrinkled her nose. It smelled funny, almost as though it had been sprayed with an entire bottle of cologne before placed in an envelope and lovingly sealed with a kiss. She winced at the sparkly pink glitter and then began to read. Her mouth fell open as she mentally digested the words.
"You okay?" Ron asked as he came up behind her. His arms encircled her waist as he kissed the nape of her neck. One of his hands caressed her stomach. "Up for a shower together?"
Hermione shuddered. "Don't do that."
"Why?" Ron asked, sounding slightly hurt. He stepped back.
Hermione slowly turned around and looked at him. Wordlessly, she held out the parchment. She wanted to warn Ron of the contents, but for the first time in her life, she couldn't think of anything to say. There was no way she could describe the bizarreness of the parchment's contents. She watched as Ron took the parchment and read it.
"That was unexpected," Ron said after a pause. His face looked slightly green.
"Yes," Hermione agreed. "Very unexpected." In fact, she could safely say that she could have never predicted this, not in a thousand years. It was as though all the Death Eaters in England had suddenly put down their wands, linked arms, and began dancing in a circle.
"So," Ron said, "do you want to go?"
Hermione bit her lip. "Well, no," she admitted. "But we have to, don't we? For Hagrid's sake."
Ron waved the parchment in her face. "But he's obviously enchanted or something," he pointed out. "This can't be real. It must be some sort of Death Eater trick."
Hermione's heart leapt. Maybe it was. "It could be," she agreed cautiously. "Well, then, we have to go just to make sure."
Ron nodded earnestly. "We have to save Hagrid."
-*-
It took approximately an hour for Harry to burst in their front door. He was brandishing a similar piece of parchment with equally pink glittery writing on it. "Did you get this?" he demanded. "It can't be real!"
Hermione held up their parchment. "We got the invitation too."
"This is obviously a Death Eater plot," Ron said as he stuck his head around the fridge. "Want one of these fuzzy drinks?"
Hermione stifled a giggle. "They're fizzy drinks."
Ron shrugged as he opened one. "Fizzy drinks, then." He sat down at the kitchen table and peered intently at the parchment. "Yours looks the same as ours." He sniffed and then coughed. "Smells the same too."
Harry helped himself to a can and sat down next to Ron. "So you think he's under some sort of spell?"
Ron nodded fervently. "And we're going to save him."
-*-
"Welcome!"
Hermione stared at the frilly pink dress that Luna was wearing. In fact, everything Luna was wearing and carrying seemed to be pink and, when Hermione looked around, there was an excess of glitter decorating the room. "I never knew Hagrid liked pink," she said faintly.
Luna looked at her with solemn eyes. "He doesn't," she said calmly.
Hermione felt rather queasy. That could only mean that somebody else liked pink, and she had a pretty good idea of who the other person was. "Did you organise this?" she asked, ignoring the giant peacock feather Luna seemed to be intent on putting in her hair. "I don't think I need one of those, thanks."
Luna beamed. "Do you like it?"
"It's ... lovely," Hermione managed to get out. Behind Luna, she could see Ginny looking rather horrified. "I'd better go and say hello to Ginny."
Luna waved. "Don't forget to go and give your best to the happy couple." She skipped off with a bunch of peacock feathers in her arms.
-*-
"He looks happy enough," Hermione whispered doubtfully. "He doesn't look enchanted or anything." In fact, she didn't think she had ever seen Hagrid so happy. He was grinning and hugging everybody in sight. His large tablecloth-sized hanky was also out, and Hagrid was dabbing at his eyes every few seconds.
"Well, how else do you explain it?" Ron had a perplexed look on his face. "Why else would he be marrying... that thing!"
"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "He isn't a thing."
Ron's cheeks turned pink. "You know what I mean, Hermione. I don't mean his ... monthly problem. I mean everything else. He's a thing and there's nothing you can say to make me think otherwise." Ron crossed his arms and folded his lips together tightly.
Hermione watched as Harry wove his way through the crowd towards their table. Breathlessly, Harry slid into an empty chair next to her. "Well?" Hermione asked. "Did it work?"
Harry shook his head. "I tried everything," he said. "I threw all my power behind a Finite Incantatem, but nothing. Hagrid just kept on smiling fondly at me and patting my head. He told me that he was so glad that the three of us could make it."
There was a long pause.
"Well it seems like this is a genuine wedding," Hermione said finally. "I'm glad we brought presents."
-*-
"Witches and wizards, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Rubeus Hagrid and Fenrir Greyback."
Hagrid smiled widely at the crowd, and then leaned over and wrapped his arms around a rather grumpy looking Fenrir. "We're jus' so happy to be here," he said, sniffling slightly. "This is the happiest day of my life. I never thought I'd find happiness again after Olympe died, but then I met Fenrir."
"Yes," Fenrir muttered. "So happy."
"We jus' clicked!" Hagrid enthused. "He even gets along well with Fluffy."
Fenrir scowled.
"He doesn't look too happy," Ron muttered suspiciously.
Hermione reached over and jabbed him in the ribs. "Shush," she told him. "It's Hagrid's happy day. We shouldn't spoil it for him. Just be glad that he didn't know what we originally thought. Imagine how upset he'd be." She focused her attention back to the happy couple.
"Now, we 'ave an announcement," Hagrid said loudly. He turned to Fenrir. "I'll let Fenrir make it since it's his happy news."
"Yes," Fenrir said, sounding reluctant. "We do have an announcement." He then murmured something indistinct into the collar of his shirt, while Hagrid beamed happily and slapped him on the back.
Hermione's eyes widened. "Did he say what I thought he said?" she exclaimed, turning to Ron and Harry. She could have sworn she heard a very specific phrase, but then again, Fenrir was mumbling.
"Well, I heard that that thing was pregnant," Ron said with a laugh. "But obviously I need my ears checked, right?"
Hermione shook her head slowly. "That's what I heard too." She looked over at Harry who was also nodding. "Hagrid looks over the moon."
Harry's eyes were wide. "I didn't know that was possible!"
"Normally, it isn't," Hermione found herself explaining, while the rest of her mind went on holiday to Hermione Happy Land. She really didn't want to think about the procreation process that led to this child. "But both giants and werewolves are magical creatures. A union between two makes male pregnancy possible. It's supposed to be unlikely though."
"Not that unlikely apparently," Ron pointed out, looking nauseated.
-*-
"We should throw them a baby shower," Luna said, looking serious.
Hermione opened her mouth and then closed it again. She couldn't think of anything to say to that without seeming rude. It wasn't as though she had anything against werewolves. In fact, she still missed Remus, and she had spent the last few years campaigning for their equal rights. She just had something against Fenrir Greyback. It might have had something to do with the numerous witches, wizards, and Muggles he had murdered and turned into werewolves during his years serving You-Know-Who. He had served his time in Azkaban, but she still considered him a murderer.
"No way," Ron burst out, echoing Hermione's thoughts.
Luna's eyes were wide as saucers as she turned to look at Ron. "I think it would be a wonderful idea," she continued, ignoring him. "Hagrid would appreciate it so much."
Hermione hesitated. "Hagrid is our friend," she said quietly. "We should support him in his decisions."
"I know that!" Harry snapped. "Hagrid was the first friend I had. Of course, I know he's my friend."
"Then you'll come to the baby shower," Luna said, clapping her hands together happily. "I'll make sure that it's pink, of course. They're hoping for a girl."
"How lovely," Hermione said faintly.
"Be sure to bring lovely presents. I hear that Hagrid would like a new saucepan," Luna told them.
"I thought I'd bring something for the baby," Hermione suggested. She was pretty sure that was traditional for baby showers.
"That would be lovely too," Luna told her.
-*-
Hagrid looked tearful as he saw the garishly decorated room. Luna had really gone all out with the pink. Hermione thought she had died and gone to some sort of nightmarish hell the first time she had walked into the room. Either that or one of those Disney princess rooms her parents had taken her to when she was very young. "This is wonderful," Hagrid gushed as he swept them all up in a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you!"
After Hagrid had stepped back, Hermione turned to Fenrir. She couldn't help but look at the tightness of his robes stretched over his stomach. "Do you like it?" she asked politely.
Fenrir gave her an icy look. "It is magnificent," he said through gritted teeth. "Hagrid and I appreciate what you've done." He steered Hagrid away from them towards the table of gifts. Hagrid shot an apologetic glance over his shoulder and then gave his husband an adoring look that made Hermione's stomach turn over.
"What on earth does Hagrid see in him?" Ron complained. "He's a creepy Death Eater."
Hermione shrugged. "One of Hagrid's favourite pets was Aragog. People wondered what Hagrid saw in him as well."
Ron shuddered. "I'm so glad that spider's dead."
"Plus, they do say love is blind," Hermione teased as she tweaked Ron's nose. "I have people asking me what I see in you all the time."
Ron just rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's go and get some food. Hopefully, Luna won't have spelled all the food pink as well."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Hermione muttered. She had spotted the food table earlier on.
"Maybe it won't be too bad," Ron amended as they walked over to the table. "I'm too hungry to care."
Hermione laughed as she watched him bite down into a pink sausage roll.
-fin
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Pairing: Hagrid/Fenrir, with background Ron/Hermione
Warnings: Crack!fic, mpreg, fluff.
Word Count: 1800
Summary: Hermione and Ron receive a rather surprising wedding invite.
Prompt : "Crack!fic! Hagrid and Fenrir are both desperate and lonely and finally find love in each other's hairy, smelly arms. One of them winds up mpreg, and the whole gang comes out to throw them a baby shower."
Disclaimer: No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author Notes: Thank you to aigooism for the beta! Written for hpchallengefest last year. I just forgot to post the actual fic here. I think I linked it or something though.
Hermione picked up the piece of pink parchment and wrinkled her nose. It smelled funny, almost as though it had been sprayed with an entire bottle of cologne before placed in an envelope and lovingly sealed with a kiss. She winced at the sparkly pink glitter and then began to read. Her mouth fell open as she mentally digested the words.
"You okay?" Ron asked as he came up behind her. His arms encircled her waist as he kissed the nape of her neck. One of his hands caressed her stomach. "Up for a shower together?"
Hermione shuddered. "Don't do that."
"Why?" Ron asked, sounding slightly hurt. He stepped back.
Hermione slowly turned around and looked at him. Wordlessly, she held out the parchment. She wanted to warn Ron of the contents, but for the first time in her life, she couldn't think of anything to say. There was no way she could describe the bizarreness of the parchment's contents. She watched as Ron took the parchment and read it.
"That was unexpected," Ron said after a pause. His face looked slightly green.
"Yes," Hermione agreed. "Very unexpected." In fact, she could safely say that she could have never predicted this, not in a thousand years. It was as though all the Death Eaters in England had suddenly put down their wands, linked arms, and began dancing in a circle.
"So," Ron said, "do you want to go?"
Hermione bit her lip. "Well, no," she admitted. "But we have to, don't we? For Hagrid's sake."
Ron waved the parchment in her face. "But he's obviously enchanted or something," he pointed out. "This can't be real. It must be some sort of Death Eater trick."
Hermione's heart leapt. Maybe it was. "It could be," she agreed cautiously. "Well, then, we have to go just to make sure."
Ron nodded earnestly. "We have to save Hagrid."
-*-
It took approximately an hour for Harry to burst in their front door. He was brandishing a similar piece of parchment with equally pink glittery writing on it. "Did you get this?" he demanded. "It can't be real!"
Hermione held up their parchment. "We got the invitation too."
"This is obviously a Death Eater plot," Ron said as he stuck his head around the fridge. "Want one of these fuzzy drinks?"
Hermione stifled a giggle. "They're fizzy drinks."
Ron shrugged as he opened one. "Fizzy drinks, then." He sat down at the kitchen table and peered intently at the parchment. "Yours looks the same as ours." He sniffed and then coughed. "Smells the same too."
Harry helped himself to a can and sat down next to Ron. "So you think he's under some sort of spell?"
Ron nodded fervently. "And we're going to save him."
-*-
"Welcome!"
Hermione stared at the frilly pink dress that Luna was wearing. In fact, everything Luna was wearing and carrying seemed to be pink and, when Hermione looked around, there was an excess of glitter decorating the room. "I never knew Hagrid liked pink," she said faintly.
Luna looked at her with solemn eyes. "He doesn't," she said calmly.
Hermione felt rather queasy. That could only mean that somebody else liked pink, and she had a pretty good idea of who the other person was. "Did you organise this?" she asked, ignoring the giant peacock feather Luna seemed to be intent on putting in her hair. "I don't think I need one of those, thanks."
Luna beamed. "Do you like it?"
"It's ... lovely," Hermione managed to get out. Behind Luna, she could see Ginny looking rather horrified. "I'd better go and say hello to Ginny."
Luna waved. "Don't forget to go and give your best to the happy couple." She skipped off with a bunch of peacock feathers in her arms.
-*-
"He looks happy enough," Hermione whispered doubtfully. "He doesn't look enchanted or anything." In fact, she didn't think she had ever seen Hagrid so happy. He was grinning and hugging everybody in sight. His large tablecloth-sized hanky was also out, and Hagrid was dabbing at his eyes every few seconds.
"Well, how else do you explain it?" Ron had a perplexed look on his face. "Why else would he be marrying... that thing!"
"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "He isn't a thing."
Ron's cheeks turned pink. "You know what I mean, Hermione. I don't mean his ... monthly problem. I mean everything else. He's a thing and there's nothing you can say to make me think otherwise." Ron crossed his arms and folded his lips together tightly.
Hermione watched as Harry wove his way through the crowd towards their table. Breathlessly, Harry slid into an empty chair next to her. "Well?" Hermione asked. "Did it work?"
Harry shook his head. "I tried everything," he said. "I threw all my power behind a Finite Incantatem, but nothing. Hagrid just kept on smiling fondly at me and patting my head. He told me that he was so glad that the three of us could make it."
There was a long pause.
"Well it seems like this is a genuine wedding," Hermione said finally. "I'm glad we brought presents."
-*-
"Witches and wizards, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Rubeus Hagrid and Fenrir Greyback."
Hagrid smiled widely at the crowd, and then leaned over and wrapped his arms around a rather grumpy looking Fenrir. "We're jus' so happy to be here," he said, sniffling slightly. "This is the happiest day of my life. I never thought I'd find happiness again after Olympe died, but then I met Fenrir."
"Yes," Fenrir muttered. "So happy."
"We jus' clicked!" Hagrid enthused. "He even gets along well with Fluffy."
Fenrir scowled.
"He doesn't look too happy," Ron muttered suspiciously.
Hermione reached over and jabbed him in the ribs. "Shush," she told him. "It's Hagrid's happy day. We shouldn't spoil it for him. Just be glad that he didn't know what we originally thought. Imagine how upset he'd be." She focused her attention back to the happy couple.
"Now, we 'ave an announcement," Hagrid said loudly. He turned to Fenrir. "I'll let Fenrir make it since it's his happy news."
"Yes," Fenrir said, sounding reluctant. "We do have an announcement." He then murmured something indistinct into the collar of his shirt, while Hagrid beamed happily and slapped him on the back.
Hermione's eyes widened. "Did he say what I thought he said?" she exclaimed, turning to Ron and Harry. She could have sworn she heard a very specific phrase, but then again, Fenrir was mumbling.
"Well, I heard that that thing was pregnant," Ron said with a laugh. "But obviously I need my ears checked, right?"
Hermione shook her head slowly. "That's what I heard too." She looked over at Harry who was also nodding. "Hagrid looks over the moon."
Harry's eyes were wide. "I didn't know that was possible!"
"Normally, it isn't," Hermione found herself explaining, while the rest of her mind went on holiday to Hermione Happy Land. She really didn't want to think about the procreation process that led to this child. "But both giants and werewolves are magical creatures. A union between two makes male pregnancy possible. It's supposed to be unlikely though."
"Not that unlikely apparently," Ron pointed out, looking nauseated.
-*-
"We should throw them a baby shower," Luna said, looking serious.
Hermione opened her mouth and then closed it again. She couldn't think of anything to say to that without seeming rude. It wasn't as though she had anything against werewolves. In fact, she still missed Remus, and she had spent the last few years campaigning for their equal rights. She just had something against Fenrir Greyback. It might have had something to do with the numerous witches, wizards, and Muggles he had murdered and turned into werewolves during his years serving You-Know-Who. He had served his time in Azkaban, but she still considered him a murderer.
"No way," Ron burst out, echoing Hermione's thoughts.
Luna's eyes were wide as saucers as she turned to look at Ron. "I think it would be a wonderful idea," she continued, ignoring him. "Hagrid would appreciate it so much."
Hermione hesitated. "Hagrid is our friend," she said quietly. "We should support him in his decisions."
"I know that!" Harry snapped. "Hagrid was the first friend I had. Of course, I know he's my friend."
"Then you'll come to the baby shower," Luna said, clapping her hands together happily. "I'll make sure that it's pink, of course. They're hoping for a girl."
"How lovely," Hermione said faintly.
"Be sure to bring lovely presents. I hear that Hagrid would like a new saucepan," Luna told them.
"I thought I'd bring something for the baby," Hermione suggested. She was pretty sure that was traditional for baby showers.
"That would be lovely too," Luna told her.
-*-
Hagrid looked tearful as he saw the garishly decorated room. Luna had really gone all out with the pink. Hermione thought she had died and gone to some sort of nightmarish hell the first time she had walked into the room. Either that or one of those Disney princess rooms her parents had taken her to when she was very young. "This is wonderful," Hagrid gushed as he swept them all up in a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you!"
After Hagrid had stepped back, Hermione turned to Fenrir. She couldn't help but look at the tightness of his robes stretched over his stomach. "Do you like it?" she asked politely.
Fenrir gave her an icy look. "It is magnificent," he said through gritted teeth. "Hagrid and I appreciate what you've done." He steered Hagrid away from them towards the table of gifts. Hagrid shot an apologetic glance over his shoulder and then gave his husband an adoring look that made Hermione's stomach turn over.
"What on earth does Hagrid see in him?" Ron complained. "He's a creepy Death Eater."
Hermione shrugged. "One of Hagrid's favourite pets was Aragog. People wondered what Hagrid saw in him as well."
Ron shuddered. "I'm so glad that spider's dead."
"Plus, they do say love is blind," Hermione teased as she tweaked Ron's nose. "I have people asking me what I see in you all the time."
Ron just rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand. "Come on, let's go and get some food. Hopefully, Luna won't have spelled all the food pink as well."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Hermione muttered. She had spotted the food table earlier on.
"Maybe it won't be too bad," Ron amended as they walked over to the table. "I'm too hungry to care."
Hermione laughed as she watched him bite down into a pink sausage roll.
-fin