The Big Bang Theory: The Supermarket Adventure
Title: The Supermarket Adventure
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Summary: Sheldon goes shopping at the local supermarket.
Word Count: ~1000
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from this fanwork.
Author's Notes: Written for incapricious for yuletide 2009.
Sheldon was starting to feel that uncomfortable feeling again. It always came upon him whenever he was around other people. It wasn't so bad when he was at a comic convention or inside his own apartment surrounded by his friends, but he really quite disliked being in unusual places. To Sheldon, there was nowhere more unusual than the local supermarket.
Normally, Leonard did the shopping. Sheldon had come shopping with Leonard a total of three times. Each time, he had only made a few helpful suggestions, but Leonard insisted that he not squish the bread to test its springiness. Apparently, it was also a social faux pas to comment on feminine hygiene products as well as the vitamin buying habits of Penny.
Tonight, he was shopping all alone. Leonard had dropped him off an hour ago and was going to pick him up in an hour's time. "Two hours should be enough, right?" Leonard had said.
Sheldon had been puzzled. "Two hours should suffice."
At least, Sheldon thought, as he rounded the corner with his trolley, when he was alone, he could buy groceries the correct way. It was very important to pick up the cold and frozen items last. He looked proudly at his trolley. The cereals were arranged in order of fibre value. The cans were arranged alphabetically. And the fruits were all individually bagged in order to reduce friction.
"Excuse me?"
Sheldon turned around. An old lady was peering up at him through thick glasses.
"I was wondering if you could reach up to that top shelf, right there, and get me that jar of pickles?" the old lady asked.
Sheldon sighed. "There is a jar of pickles right there," he said, pointing to the jar that was well within the reach of the old lady.
"Yes, but it's the last one there," the old lady said, leaning in and half-whispering as if she was imparting a secret. "I never get the last one. You don't know what people could have done to it."
"Your theory may make sense when it comes to cold and frozen products," he told her. "However, it is completely invalid when it comes to jars of pickles."
The old lady gave him a flabbergasted look.
Sheldon picked up the pickle jar. "The lid is tamper-proof," he said, tapping the lid sharply. "Pickles do not decompose or otherwise become inedible when left on other shelves by irresponsible patrons. I do not understand your conundrum. Unless, of course, this is another one of those non-optional social conventions that I do not understand." He held out the pickle jar.
The old lady looked befuddled but took it anyway. Shooting him another bewildered expression, she walked away.
Sheldon made a mental note to ask Leonard about the possibility of such a social convention. He frowned slightly. Sometimes social conventions were a little ridiculous. As Sheldon rounded another corner, he brightened. He deposited a small container of Aeroplane Jelly in his trolley.
As he started walking down the frozen goods aisle, Sheldon automatically straightened up some of the products. Sometimes, he wondered how supermarket employees kept their jobs. The products were arranged so inefficiently. It seemed completely illogical that toilet paper be kept on the same aisle as chips. Shaking his head, Sheldon reached into the shelf and pulled some of the products forward.
"Can I help you, sir?"
Sheldon turned around. A store employee was looking at him quizzically. "No," Sheldon said. "Thank you," he added, remembering that it was expected of him to thank people. He turned back to where he was straightening out the items.
"Excuse me, sir." The employee cleared his throat.
"Would you like a throat drop?" Sheldon asked.
The employee stared at him.
Sheldon sighed and reached inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small individually wrapped throat drop and held it out. "It will help your throat," Sheldon explained, slowly and carefully, trying not to breathe too much. "You sound sick." He contemplated getting out his sanitising spray but decided against it.
The employee still didn't take the throat drop. "May I ask what you're doing?" he asked instead.
"Tidying up," Sheldon explained. He would have thought that it was obvious what he was doing, but apparently it wasn't.
"I have to ask you not to do that."
Sheldon frowned as he straightened up the last two boxes. "It looks better this way." The employee's face began to redden. "Are you embarrassed?" Sheldon inquired.
He could hear the employee's teeth grind in response.
"Ah," Sheldon exclaimed, pleased to have finally understood the emotion. "You're angry." He wheeled his trolley away from the red-faced employee. Looking down at his trolley, Sheldon realised that he had finished buying everything on his shopping list.
As he began to walk towards the checkout, Sheldon lifted up two of the fabric bags he had placed neatly on the side of his trolley. He joined the long queue at the checkout, right behind a young couple who seemed to be arguing voraciously over whether to go to his or her parents' place for Christmas.
Sheldon began to feel that distinctly uncomfortable sensation again. "Excuse me," he said.
The couple ignored him.
"Excuse me," he said again.
The woman turned around and glared at him. "Mind your own business," she said rudely.
Sheldon was puzzled. Wasn't it a social convention to be nice to strangers? He was polite. He said 'excuse me' instead of 'shut up'. Shouldn't she have responded similarly? That was what Leonard always told him anyway. "Would you mind lowering your voices?" he tried again.
"Oh shut up," the man told him, without even turning around.
Sheldon was bewildered. There was no eye contact in that last interaction. He had thought that was even more rude than telling somebody to 'mind your own business'. He opened his mouth again but thought better of it. He would have to have a talk with Leonard when he came. This was all too confusing. Perhaps Leonard could explain it in scientific terms.
With a sigh, Sheldon began to take his items one by one out of the trolley and place them in order on the conveyer belt. He could see the man in front of him look over his shoulder and then snort and whisper something into the woman's ear.
Sheldon narrowed his eyes at them, but that simply served to make them giggle even harder. He then had a sudden idea. Penny had always said that his smile needed work. Actually, the exact words she used were 'creepy as hell.'
Carefully, Sheldon curved his lips upwards and wrinkled the corners of his eyes. He was sure to show his teeth.
To his pleasure, the couple in front of him shuddered and turned away.
Bazinga!
-finis
Fandom: The Big Bang Theory
Rating: G
Summary: Sheldon goes shopping at the local supermarket.
Word Count: ~1000
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended and no money is being made from this fanwork.
Author's Notes: Written for incapricious for yuletide 2009.
Sheldon was starting to feel that uncomfortable feeling again. It always came upon him whenever he was around other people. It wasn't so bad when he was at a comic convention or inside his own apartment surrounded by his friends, but he really quite disliked being in unusual places. To Sheldon, there was nowhere more unusual than the local supermarket.
Normally, Leonard did the shopping. Sheldon had come shopping with Leonard a total of three times. Each time, he had only made a few helpful suggestions, but Leonard insisted that he not squish the bread to test its springiness. Apparently, it was also a social faux pas to comment on feminine hygiene products as well as the vitamin buying habits of Penny.
Tonight, he was shopping all alone. Leonard had dropped him off an hour ago and was going to pick him up in an hour's time. "Two hours should be enough, right?" Leonard had said.
Sheldon had been puzzled. "Two hours should suffice."
At least, Sheldon thought, as he rounded the corner with his trolley, when he was alone, he could buy groceries the correct way. It was very important to pick up the cold and frozen items last. He looked proudly at his trolley. The cereals were arranged in order of fibre value. The cans were arranged alphabetically. And the fruits were all individually bagged in order to reduce friction.
"Excuse me?"
Sheldon turned around. An old lady was peering up at him through thick glasses.
"I was wondering if you could reach up to that top shelf, right there, and get me that jar of pickles?" the old lady asked.
Sheldon sighed. "There is a jar of pickles right there," he said, pointing to the jar that was well within the reach of the old lady.
"Yes, but it's the last one there," the old lady said, leaning in and half-whispering as if she was imparting a secret. "I never get the last one. You don't know what people could have done to it."
"Your theory may make sense when it comes to cold and frozen products," he told her. "However, it is completely invalid when it comes to jars of pickles."
The old lady gave him a flabbergasted look.
Sheldon picked up the pickle jar. "The lid is tamper-proof," he said, tapping the lid sharply. "Pickles do not decompose or otherwise become inedible when left on other shelves by irresponsible patrons. I do not understand your conundrum. Unless, of course, this is another one of those non-optional social conventions that I do not understand." He held out the pickle jar.
The old lady looked befuddled but took it anyway. Shooting him another bewildered expression, she walked away.
Sheldon made a mental note to ask Leonard about the possibility of such a social convention. He frowned slightly. Sometimes social conventions were a little ridiculous. As Sheldon rounded another corner, he brightened. He deposited a small container of Aeroplane Jelly in his trolley.
As he started walking down the frozen goods aisle, Sheldon automatically straightened up some of the products. Sometimes, he wondered how supermarket employees kept their jobs. The products were arranged so inefficiently. It seemed completely illogical that toilet paper be kept on the same aisle as chips. Shaking his head, Sheldon reached into the shelf and pulled some of the products forward.
"Can I help you, sir?"
Sheldon turned around. A store employee was looking at him quizzically. "No," Sheldon said. "Thank you," he added, remembering that it was expected of him to thank people. He turned back to where he was straightening out the items.
"Excuse me, sir." The employee cleared his throat.
"Would you like a throat drop?" Sheldon asked.
The employee stared at him.
Sheldon sighed and reached inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small individually wrapped throat drop and held it out. "It will help your throat," Sheldon explained, slowly and carefully, trying not to breathe too much. "You sound sick." He contemplated getting out his sanitising spray but decided against it.
The employee still didn't take the throat drop. "May I ask what you're doing?" he asked instead.
"Tidying up," Sheldon explained. He would have thought that it was obvious what he was doing, but apparently it wasn't.
"I have to ask you not to do that."
Sheldon frowned as he straightened up the last two boxes. "It looks better this way." The employee's face began to redden. "Are you embarrassed?" Sheldon inquired.
He could hear the employee's teeth grind in response.
"Ah," Sheldon exclaimed, pleased to have finally understood the emotion. "You're angry." He wheeled his trolley away from the red-faced employee. Looking down at his trolley, Sheldon realised that he had finished buying everything on his shopping list.
As he began to walk towards the checkout, Sheldon lifted up two of the fabric bags he had placed neatly on the side of his trolley. He joined the long queue at the checkout, right behind a young couple who seemed to be arguing voraciously over whether to go to his or her parents' place for Christmas.
Sheldon began to feel that distinctly uncomfortable sensation again. "Excuse me," he said.
The couple ignored him.
"Excuse me," he said again.
The woman turned around and glared at him. "Mind your own business," she said rudely.
Sheldon was puzzled. Wasn't it a social convention to be nice to strangers? He was polite. He said 'excuse me' instead of 'shut up'. Shouldn't she have responded similarly? That was what Leonard always told him anyway. "Would you mind lowering your voices?" he tried again.
"Oh shut up," the man told him, without even turning around.
Sheldon was bewildered. There was no eye contact in that last interaction. He had thought that was even more rude than telling somebody to 'mind your own business'. He opened his mouth again but thought better of it. He would have to have a talk with Leonard when he came. This was all too confusing. Perhaps Leonard could explain it in scientific terms.
With a sigh, Sheldon began to take his items one by one out of the trolley and place them in order on the conveyer belt. He could see the man in front of him look over his shoulder and then snort and whisper something into the woman's ear.
Sheldon narrowed his eyes at them, but that simply served to make them giggle even harder. He then had a sudden idea. Penny had always said that his smile needed work. Actually, the exact words she used were 'creepy as hell.'
Carefully, Sheldon curved his lips upwards and wrinkled the corners of his eyes. He was sure to show his teeth.
To his pleasure, the couple in front of him shuddered and turned away.
Bazinga!
-finis