(no subject)
Life right now basically boils down to me not knowing what the hell to do about anything. The terrible two right now are wedding things. So let's cover this first.
The first thing is this "who is going to marry us?" question. I'm a Catholic, Jessi's an unbaptized agnostic, so we have a whole Nacho/Esqueleto tag team thing going. Of course things like this require a fairly liberal priest and a dispensation, and that's not exactly easy. We're also kind of late on the timing for this, because every church is insistent about the whole 9 months prep thing. We'll barely be engaged that long when we're married. The other part of this is that neither of us are really too keen on getting married inside a church anyway. Personally, the only two churches I go to are kind of bummers for me anyway. If I were to get married in one, it's the place where we had funerals for nearly every person that has influence on my life and isn't here anymore. St. Robert's is out, because of that. I can't do it. The other church is where my best friend got married and since he's divorced now, I personally don't want to make him have a ton of direct contact with the place. So that's a bummer too.
Outside of that, I don't know the priests around here. I'm kind of a wandering Catholic. I don't belong to any church, officially, but I would at least like to have a semi-legit, though non-sacremental wedding to "keep my crossin' legal." Honestly, I'd rather not get married in a church at all, and do it outside and have a separate ceremony to go legal, if necessary. I don't know, even signing up for the classes would be problematic since it asks for both our addresses and I'm pretty sure they're not cool with both being the same. I don't know, it's complicated and upsetting for me, because in many considerable aspects, I knew Jessi was my wife from the beginning of us. I don't feel any guilt for how we're living, and, let's face it, we're going to make it a lot longer than most of the couples the church will marry this year. That being said, I'm not willing to throw out the whole religion just because of the disagreements that I've pretty much had this entire time anyway. Am I the only person that's less interested in the actual details and ceremony of getting married than I am being married? Those people that are all focused on the event itself and don't think out what marriage is going to be, I can't even figure out how to get into that state of mind. You know who I'm talking about, the people that get married because it seems like a "pretty" or "fun" thing to do or want the attention that one brings. I can't even wrap my head around that way of thinking. The divorce rate should be zero, because who would want to go through this with any doubts at all? I can't understand it.
Of course I keep joking that there's the "roundabout marriage blessing." This is where you get married without the church's permission and you keep confessing your sexual escapades with your wife to the same priest. Eventually they get tired of you and get the bishop to grant you a dispensation. It'll work. It's just too bad, because overall Jessi has more values than most of our people do, and it actually makes me a better person. It's just sad to know it would have been easier to marry that one Catholic girl I dated instead of Jessi, according to their rules, and that girl was actually Satan.
The other problem is, I don't know how to pick groomsmen. There's Nick and there's my brother, but the rest is impossible to separate. I never thought it'd be such a problem to have this many friends that mean so much to me. It's impossible. I have a group of 5 friends outside that who are probably all equal, and I have a few other friends that have been around for forever, and yeah, maybe we don't get together as much, but it doesn't make them mean any less to me. What do you do, leave out someone you've been friends with from 4th grade? Throw out someone that's just as close to you as the other people in the same friend group of 5? Even taking out the aspect of thinking about them being let down, and trying to make it a militant thing of "who do I want?" it sorts out the same (not at all). It's not the case that I'm trying to be overly inclusive, overly civil, or have someone in there that doesn't belong either. In all honestly, I could line dudes up 15-20 deep, and still not be at the point where I consider anyone an acquaintance and not a close friend. I don't even know how this happened. I'm not even that friendly or likable. Eight years ago, this would have been a lot easier. Who makes close friends in their mid-20s, seriously? My mistake.
Of course there's plenty of other considerations going on, but it's those two that I'm just lost in finding an answer for. Resolution or not this is happening Sept. 3rd. So what if I have no idea how to get ahold of my Dad's family and who to invite, that's in the secondary problems. That I can sort out in a day. I just need to get those other two done, or just abandon one, and have a random live computer draft for the other with everyone present. I need a resolution on this, but every time I move to make one, something gets in the way. The whole thing's made me a little off and everyone is wondering what's going on with it, since Jessi has her people. With one of the girls being friends with me too, now half the guys I'm considering for all this just assume they're not in, and if it goes any longer, that may become its own problem. Didn't I used to have almost all female friends? What happened?
Yesterday, we were going to talk to a priest, but when I called, I was basically told not to bother because their pastor is only cool with pairing up two Catholics, and even then we would have had to call 9 months ago. I thought maybe we would stop by after work yesterday, so I blew off Jason and running to open the afternoon for that. When it didn't happen, and we talked about what to do next with no real answers, it got a bit overwhelming for me. It was getting dark, and I had to blow off some steam. It was getting dark so I didn't have time to call Jason and run so I went for a solo trip.
I basically told Jessi I was going out running until I was worn out, it was dark, my mp3 player ran out of charge, or at least until I felt better. It ended up being until the blueberry man print on the front of my shirt rubbed my nipples raw and it was dark. I don't run very well when I'm emotionally compromised. I need my calm bubble to do well. When I'm upset or pissed, it still serves its purpose. However, if I'm doing an emotional run, I usually get burned out about 35-40 minutes with my harsh form. Last night, I was out 65 minutes, and had there been more light, if I wore a softer shirt, or did the Marshall Eriksen nipple lube it would have been longer. There seemed to be this guy on a bike casing me out to rob me at a couple points along the way, but he realized I probably didn't have a wallet on me. I'm pretty sure in my state at the time, I wouldn't have been a very easy target anyway, but maybe I was just being paranoid.
Anyway, I'm about to get out of work here. Jeff's coming in for the weekend, so I know I'll blow off some steam tonight, for once. Friday has really lost its freedom lately with me being so behind on everything, work being so demanding lately (hand-loaded 44 drums of oil waste today due to our four 10 hours days and a friday scheduling...so I'm wiped right now) and making me too tired to go out. I really shouldn't even do anything tonight, because we're going cross-state for the tulip festival, and I'm supposed to run in the race tomorrow morning, but screw it, I need this. The house stuff can wait, the laundry can wait, and so can everything else. It's Friday, crank the Rebecca Black. Seriously, I missed the boat on that one. "Pancake Breakfast" should have been on that track. It would have been fitting.
The first thing is this "who is going to marry us?" question. I'm a Catholic, Jessi's an unbaptized agnostic, so we have a whole Nacho/Esqueleto tag team thing going. Of course things like this require a fairly liberal priest and a dispensation, and that's not exactly easy. We're also kind of late on the timing for this, because every church is insistent about the whole 9 months prep thing. We'll barely be engaged that long when we're married. The other part of this is that neither of us are really too keen on getting married inside a church anyway. Personally, the only two churches I go to are kind of bummers for me anyway. If I were to get married in one, it's the place where we had funerals for nearly every person that has influence on my life and isn't here anymore. St. Robert's is out, because of that. I can't do it. The other church is where my best friend got married and since he's divorced now, I personally don't want to make him have a ton of direct contact with the place. So that's a bummer too.
Outside of that, I don't know the priests around here. I'm kind of a wandering Catholic. I don't belong to any church, officially, but I would at least like to have a semi-legit, though non-sacremental wedding to "keep my crossin' legal." Honestly, I'd rather not get married in a church at all, and do it outside and have a separate ceremony to go legal, if necessary. I don't know, even signing up for the classes would be problematic since it asks for both our addresses and I'm pretty sure they're not cool with both being the same. I don't know, it's complicated and upsetting for me, because in many considerable aspects, I knew Jessi was my wife from the beginning of us. I don't feel any guilt for how we're living, and, let's face it, we're going to make it a lot longer than most of the couples the church will marry this year. That being said, I'm not willing to throw out the whole religion just because of the disagreements that I've pretty much had this entire time anyway. Am I the only person that's less interested in the actual details and ceremony of getting married than I am being married? Those people that are all focused on the event itself and don't think out what marriage is going to be, I can't even figure out how to get into that state of mind. You know who I'm talking about, the people that get married because it seems like a "pretty" or "fun" thing to do or want the attention that one brings. I can't even wrap my head around that way of thinking. The divorce rate should be zero, because who would want to go through this with any doubts at all? I can't understand it.
Of course I keep joking that there's the "roundabout marriage blessing." This is where you get married without the church's permission and you keep confessing your sexual escapades with your wife to the same priest. Eventually they get tired of you and get the bishop to grant you a dispensation. It'll work. It's just too bad, because overall Jessi has more values than most of our people do, and it actually makes me a better person. It's just sad to know it would have been easier to marry that one Catholic girl I dated instead of Jessi, according to their rules, and that girl was actually Satan.
The other problem is, I don't know how to pick groomsmen. There's Nick and there's my brother, but the rest is impossible to separate. I never thought it'd be such a problem to have this many friends that mean so much to me. It's impossible. I have a group of 5 friends outside that who are probably all equal, and I have a few other friends that have been around for forever, and yeah, maybe we don't get together as much, but it doesn't make them mean any less to me. What do you do, leave out someone you've been friends with from 4th grade? Throw out someone that's just as close to you as the other people in the same friend group of 5? Even taking out the aspect of thinking about them being let down, and trying to make it a militant thing of "who do I want?" it sorts out the same (not at all). It's not the case that I'm trying to be overly inclusive, overly civil, or have someone in there that doesn't belong either. In all honestly, I could line dudes up 15-20 deep, and still not be at the point where I consider anyone an acquaintance and not a close friend. I don't even know how this happened. I'm not even that friendly or likable. Eight years ago, this would have been a lot easier. Who makes close friends in their mid-20s, seriously? My mistake.
Of course there's plenty of other considerations going on, but it's those two that I'm just lost in finding an answer for. Resolution or not this is happening Sept. 3rd. So what if I have no idea how to get ahold of my Dad's family and who to invite, that's in the secondary problems. That I can sort out in a day. I just need to get those other two done, or just abandon one, and have a random live computer draft for the other with everyone present. I need a resolution on this, but every time I move to make one, something gets in the way. The whole thing's made me a little off and everyone is wondering what's going on with it, since Jessi has her people. With one of the girls being friends with me too, now half the guys I'm considering for all this just assume they're not in, and if it goes any longer, that may become its own problem. Didn't I used to have almost all female friends? What happened?
Yesterday, we were going to talk to a priest, but when I called, I was basically told not to bother because their pastor is only cool with pairing up two Catholics, and even then we would have had to call 9 months ago. I thought maybe we would stop by after work yesterday, so I blew off Jason and running to open the afternoon for that. When it didn't happen, and we talked about what to do next with no real answers, it got a bit overwhelming for me. It was getting dark, and I had to blow off some steam. It was getting dark so I didn't have time to call Jason and run so I went for a solo trip.
I basically told Jessi I was going out running until I was worn out, it was dark, my mp3 player ran out of charge, or at least until I felt better. It ended up being until the blueberry man print on the front of my shirt rubbed my nipples raw and it was dark. I don't run very well when I'm emotionally compromised. I need my calm bubble to do well. When I'm upset or pissed, it still serves its purpose. However, if I'm doing an emotional run, I usually get burned out about 35-40 minutes with my harsh form. Last night, I was out 65 minutes, and had there been more light, if I wore a softer shirt, or did the Marshall Eriksen nipple lube it would have been longer. There seemed to be this guy on a bike casing me out to rob me at a couple points along the way, but he realized I probably didn't have a wallet on me. I'm pretty sure in my state at the time, I wouldn't have been a very easy target anyway, but maybe I was just being paranoid.
Anyway, I'm about to get out of work here. Jeff's coming in for the weekend, so I know I'll blow off some steam tonight, for once. Friday has really lost its freedom lately with me being so behind on everything, work being so demanding lately (hand-loaded 44 drums of oil waste today due to our four 10 hours days and a friday scheduling...so I'm wiped right now) and making me too tired to go out. I really shouldn't even do anything tonight, because we're going cross-state for the tulip festival, and I'm supposed to run in the race tomorrow morning, but screw it, I need this. The house stuff can wait, the laundry can wait, and so can everything else. It's Friday, crank the Rebecca Black. Seriously, I missed the boat on that one. "Pancake Breakfast" should have been on that track. It would have been fitting.