The never ending saga of the fistula they refuse to fix...yr six.
I got a bit excited hearing a new surgeon moved into OHSU where i currently am kept by annoying god complex doctors who think i should just die and not waste their time with trying to live. I really wish i was kidding but i am not..and frankly every doc but a rare few now come out of medical school with the idea that the worlds "chronically ill" means chronic whiner.. chronic pain med addict and above all common criminal and chronic waste of time...I decided to try again.. i went to see this new surgeon who my primary doc raved about saying she gave a huge lecture on fistulas the wk before my appointment.
i went in expecting the usual.. i got worse than. She hardly looked for the fistula the part you can see it's now bigger then a quarter.. i am not joking. it's got a thin bit of skin over it but it's a huge very noticeable hole in my skin. she "didn't see it". Then she tells me she may have to hurt me to make sure she really exams me. She stuck me several places with a wire.. i am not kidding and a big one. i have another fistula starting on my right side. she did a scope and said "ohh well it's not a fistula but a very large ulcer on the right side of your internal rectal muscles that is causing all the pain." i patiently said between huffs trying to breath from the pain and tears.. umm btw i feel blood running down my leg" ohh so she mops it up before it gets in my clothes.
She is going on about how i no longer have a fistula because she couldn't jam a large guage wire through it. Umm ... lady it is a fistula. I said that "ulcer" you saw is the internal part of the fistula. Obviously it's not healed. she then says i thought you said you felt an abscess..good news is i didn't see any. (with her eyes by the way...every abscess w me has been internal you could never just look at my skin or pouch and SEE it.)I was sobbing.. by the way i am so not a cryer even in rly bad pain when i cry it freaks my friends and family out because they know it's bad. last time i cried in an office my heart stopped from pain. Stopped. SO that in mind i was sobbing i couldn't sit down. she tells me even after i argued with her that it IS a fistula and non have ever "healed" as in both sides closed w out trapping infection.. w out surgery. She then told me even after i already told her that they have tried all meds that i know of for closing this thing and it all went badly so the gastros tell me to see the surgeon.. the surgeon tells me to see the gastros. My last gastro removed me from his patient list with out telling me just because he said "he could no longer do anything for me"
I then spent the next four days bleeding so badly i am weak.. shakey in agony can't sit and am waaay worse then when i went in to see her. I now thanks to quack after quack have to be on anti anxiety meds before each office visit. I tell ya what. I am a very very strong person but with no hope no help in sight and this having to live on pain meds then being treated badly for that too ... i am at my end. I really am. I cannot pretend that sleeping over 20 hrs a day most days and being conscious enough to go to a movie then paying for it and having to sleep off several days for daring to try to have a life.. i really am at the end of what i can handle. I really dont know what to do.
i went in expecting the usual.. i got worse than. She hardly looked for the fistula the part you can see it's now bigger then a quarter.. i am not joking. it's got a thin bit of skin over it but it's a huge very noticeable hole in my skin. she "didn't see it". Then she tells me she may have to hurt me to make sure she really exams me. She stuck me several places with a wire.. i am not kidding and a big one. i have another fistula starting on my right side. she did a scope and said "ohh well it's not a fistula but a very large ulcer on the right side of your internal rectal muscles that is causing all the pain." i patiently said between huffs trying to breath from the pain and tears.. umm btw i feel blood running down my leg" ohh so she mops it up before it gets in my clothes.
She is going on about how i no longer have a fistula because she couldn't jam a large guage wire through it. Umm ... lady it is a fistula. I said that "ulcer" you saw is the internal part of the fistula. Obviously it's not healed. she then says i thought you said you felt an abscess..good news is i didn't see any. (with her eyes by the way...every abscess w me has been internal you could never just look at my skin or pouch and SEE it.)I was sobbing.. by the way i am so not a cryer even in rly bad pain when i cry it freaks my friends and family out because they know it's bad. last time i cried in an office my heart stopped from pain. Stopped. SO that in mind i was sobbing i couldn't sit down. she tells me even after i argued with her that it IS a fistula and non have ever "healed" as in both sides closed w out trapping infection.. w out surgery. She then told me even after i already told her that they have tried all meds that i know of for closing this thing and it all went badly so the gastros tell me to see the surgeon.. the surgeon tells me to see the gastros. My last gastro removed me from his patient list with out telling me just because he said "he could no longer do anything for me"
I then spent the next four days bleeding so badly i am weak.. shakey in agony can't sit and am waaay worse then when i went in to see her. I now thanks to quack after quack have to be on anti anxiety meds before each office visit. I tell ya what. I am a very very strong person but with no hope no help in sight and this having to live on pain meds then being treated badly for that too ... i am at my end. I really am. I cannot pretend that sleeping over 20 hrs a day most days and being conscious enough to go to a movie then paying for it and having to sleep off several days for daring to try to have a life.. i really am at the end of what i can handle. I really dont know what to do.