you and i.
Pairing: Chanyeol/Jongin/Kyungsoo.
Rating: PG-13.
Length: 4025 words.
Summary: Sometimes, three's a crowd.
A/N: filled in for the prompt right
h e r e. To the OP, I am sorry if it was not what you had wanted nor if it wasn't what you had in mind. I tried but I'm not sure if it's up to your liking. That aside, I did not read through thoroughly so there might still be mistakes here and there. Comments are appreciated :) Thank you for reading!
Chanyeol feels it before he can actually see it. Lately it has been really hard to ignore. Sometimes Chanyeol thinks he is the third wheeler (he might as well be) instead of actually being in the relationship but other times, Chanyeol thinks despite the laughter and loving affections they have shared and exchanged, there are still moments when he lets the seed of doubts to grow.
Now that it has grown far too much for him to shrug it off, Chanyeol feels bad. Miserable. But most of all? Lonely and insecure. For the past few nights, despite having two warm bodies pressed against him, said feelings have been accompanying him until the early hours of the morning.
Kyungsoo smiles when Chanyeol lazily walks in the kitchen, dragging his feet. Once Chanyeol is seated, Kyungsoo keeps his smile, small yet warm, and pours him a cup of water. “Good morning, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo greets the latter as he places the cup in front of Chanyeol who simply squints at him, sleep still evident in his eyes.
“Morning.” Voice rough from sleep, Chanyeol blinks a few times as he reaches for the cup. Kyungsoo leans down and presses his lips to Chanyeol's temple and heads back to the counter where he had been preparing their breakfast.
Chanyeol yawns and works on the knots in his shoulders. Just as he is finally drinking his water (he had not realized how thirsty he was until his lips had touched the cool water), Jongin strolls in, smelling like he had just finished showering. Chanyeol catches the water drops dripping from his neck and in to his shirt.
"Good morning.” Jongin greets them. Kyungsoo turns his head to smile at the latter and huffs when Jongin wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's waist, peppering Kyungsoo's neck with kisses, ignoring Kyungsoo's (weak) protests.
Chanyeol swallows the lump in his throat.
Kyungsoo tries to shrug Jongin off but with how weak he is struggling against Jongin's hold, Chanyeol knows that Kyungsoo does not really mean his words nor actions. He never really does mean it, that much Chanyeol knows and is sure of.
Jongin laughs when Kyungsoo elbows him a little too hard. “Sit down and wait for me to serve breakfast.” Kyungsoo orders, looking at the younger of the two. Jongin grins and before Kyungsoo could even look away or open his mouth to protest, Jongin presses his lips against Kyungsoo's, swallowing the gasp that the latter lets out upon the contact.
Any other day, Chanyeol would have made a joke about it and would have joined them but today, today Chanyeol feels lonelier than ever. He feels like he is intruding on something intimate. He swallows and forces himself to look away from the scene in front of him. It always made him feel so close yet at the same time so excruciatingly far.
He does not belong.
Chanyeol frowns as he sets his cup on the table a little too roughly, the thoughts are too unsettling for him to bear this early in the morning. Glancing at the clock, he decides that maybe it is time for him to change his morning routines. “I'm going to shower now.” Chanyeol speaks up for the first time that morning. He stands up and heads for the sink, washing the cup and leaving it to dry.
Kyungsoo pulls away from Jongin, a frown marring his face. “Breakfast is almost done.” He pushes Jongin away from him and Jongin glances at Chanyeol, the same frown evident on his face, mirroring Kyungsoo's.
Chanyeol shakes his head. “I can just get a bagel from the Twosome by work.” He said and lets his gaze linger on the two in front of him for a few seconds before giving them a small smile. Without waiting for any of them to reply, Chanyeol heads over to the bedroom.
Did he even belong to begin with.
Jongin, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Jongin and Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.
Perhaps getting in to a relationship with the two of them was a bad choice on Chanyeol's part. Chanyeol had met Kyungsoo from an acquaintance’s friend and the two of them hit off really quickly. It was not quite love at first sight for Chanyeol but if asked, he would answer with something along the lines of so. Do Kyungsoo was and still is rather good looking and a sight to see. Chanyeol can't deny that Kyungsoo is attractive but he was never the type to ask someone out right off the bat and instead, he tried to get to know him more, to know him better.
Two months of being friends with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol met Kyungsoo's boyfriend of two years, Kim Jongin. Chanyeol was not going to lie - he really did feel so sad and heartbroken when he met Jongin. Although the latter was not as tall as he was, Jongin was a different kind of handsome - he was and still is really gorgeous. That was the day he had decided that he, Park Chanyeol, should stay away from Do Kyungsoo for a little while.
Chanyeol was still nursing his broken heart when Kyungsoo cornered him one day, Jongin following after Kyungsoo. To say that Chanyeol was not surprised by the proposition, Chanyeol was more than surprised. He had stared at the two of them - looking from Jongin to Kyungsoo and from Kyungsoo to Jongin - and continued to do so until he felt quite sick from moving too much. Kyungsoo had explained to him then that Jongin and him have been trying to look for another person to bring in to their relationship - Chanyeol felt a spark of hope when Kyungsoo confessed to him - but none had caught their attentions. Jongin would pipe in with his own opinions every now and then.
That week ended with Chanyeol thinking things thoroughly and the next day found Chanyeol moving out of his old apartment and in to the apartment that Jongin and Kyungsoo shared. The rest were history; the three of them have now been dating for close to a year now - Jongin and Kyungsoo almost hitting their third year of being together.
Chanyeol frowns as he stares at the accounting sheets on the monitor before him before taking a deep breath, leaning back against his chair. He glances at the frame that's settled nicely beside the desk calendar and he sighs. With a heavy heart, Chanyeol makes the frame face down on the table and shakes his head. At the moment, a lot of things reminded him of the things he wished he could have yet but could not obtain.
Chanyeol is taken out of his reverie when the door to his office room opens. Chanyeol looks up, mouth ready to scold whoever that dare to walk in to his office without knocking, when Chanyeol sees his best friend, Baekhyun strolling in with two cups of what he assumes are coffee and chocolate, judging by the smell. “This is for you,” Baekhyun chirps when he closes the door and heads over to Chanyeol, handing one of the cups to him. “Got you choco-latte; you have been coped up in the room for a while now.” Baekhyun points out as he sits comfortably in front of Chanyeol.
Chanyeol gives his friend a smile. “Thank you.” He takes the cup from Baekhyun. “I have been busy.” Chanyeol shrugs as he sips the choco-latte, the warmth washing his insides and making him feel all warm and fuzzy. A feeling that he undeniably misses.
Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Yeah and Yixing hyung is dating my grandmother.” The moment those words came out of his mouth, Baekhyun scrunches his nose at the thought. “That is an awful comparison.”
Chanyeol snorts. “I'm fine, Baekhyun. You don't need to worry.” The unsaid I really don't want to talk about it comes across loud and clear. Baekhyun frowns but continues to sip his americano. “You shouldn't worry about me anyways, Baek. What about you? How are you and Sehun, was it?” He asks when he remembered Baekhyun sending him a text five nights ago: “HE SAID YES”.
The smile on Baekhyun's face grew wide and Chanyeol feels a pang when he sees the love and adoration coming out of his eyes as he listens to the way Baekhyun talks about his boyfriend, Sehun. Chanyeol can't help but feel jealous and a little bit bitter. He used to talk that way about Jongin and Kyungsoo too. But now, he just doesn't know any more.
“Sehun and I are going to Everland next week. Do you want to come with? If Jongin and Kyungsoo are free that is?” Baekhyun asks and Chanyeol blinks at the mention of his boyfriends' names. “I can get Sehun to ask Jongin too.” He adds a moment later when he catches Chanyeol staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
Chanyeol nods his head. Next week, he thinks, a lot can happen in between.
“Sure.”
Jongin smiles brightly when he sees Chanyeol waiting for him by his car. He says goodbye to the rest of his co-workers and bounds over to Chanyeol, a bounce evident in his steps. Pushing the unwanted thoughts away from his mind, Chanyeol wraps his arms around Jongin when the latter runs straight in to his arms. He was always the more affectionate one between the two of them. Chanyeol leans down to press a chaste kiss on Jongin's lips. “How was your day?” He asks as he ushers Jongin in to the car.
Settling in, Jongin shrugs his shoulders. “I had a good time; Sehun and I are teaching a new batch and they are such a bundle of joy to be around with.” Jongin began recounting the things he did in all of his classes today and despite of every thing he feels, Chanyeol can't help but feel happy listening to the way Jongin talks about his students as well as his classes. He lets himself drown in the warmth and happiness momentarily.
Chanyeol lets Kyungsoo lean against him, enjoying the warmth radiating from the younger of the two. Kyungsoo wraps one of his arms around Chanyeol and pulls Chanyeol's arm over his shoulder. Chanyeol smiles a little at the action. Kyungsoo rarely shows his affection but when he actually does, Chanyeol basks in the moment.
“Did you have a good time at work?” Kyungsoo asks after a while as he turns to look up at Chanyeol. Chanyeol can feel Kyungsoo's breath fanning his cheek and Chanyeol nods his head, turning to press his lips against Kyungsoo's forehead. “Baekhyun called earlier and reminded me of our Everland trip this Saturday.” Kyungsoo yawns and Chanyeol tightens the hold he has on Kyungsoo's shoulder, humming every now and then, as he keeps his eyes plastered to the TV, to let Kyungsoo know that he is in fact listening. “The three of us have rarely gone out this month. I miss you.” Kyungsoo says after a while.
Chanyeol tears his gaze from the TV to look at Kyungsoo for a few seconds. He keeps quiet and looks away, mouth heavy even if he really wants to tell Kyungsoo that he too misses the two of them.
Saturday sees Chanyeol with a heavier heart and heavier steps. The day would have been wonderful had he not began thinking of how he was on a double date and how he really feel like a third wheeler. There are times when he would feel small even when Jongin holds his hand or when Kyungsoo holds on to his arm. Chanyeol tried his hardest - he really did but sometimes he feels like he can't go on with his internal fights any more.
“Hey, guys.” Chanyeol speaks up. “I think I'm going to head home first.”
Baekhyun looks away from Sehun while Kyungsoo and Jongin looks a little bit alarmed. Before any of them can say a word, Chanyeol continued speaking. “I think the heat is getting to me and I feel a little bit sick. I just want to rest.”
“We can go home,” Kyungsoo says as he reaches for his bag pack. Chanyeol stops him and shakes his head.
“The two of you should stay here,” Chanyeol motions to Baekhyun and Sehun. “Have fun with the two of them.” He states and Jongin reaches for Chanyeol's hand.
“You said you aren't feeling well; I don't want you to be driving home alone.” Jongin furrows his eyebrows and Chanyeol smiles as he pulls away from Jongin's hold - Jongin's frown deepens when he realizes.
“It's fine; I can take the bus home. It wouldn't matter that much and I can also take a little nap then.” Chanyeol says and stands up, looking at Baekhyun and Sehun. “Sorry, I had to ruin our double date, Baek.” He pats his best friend on the head and Baekhyun swats his hand away, whining about how it took a long time to get his hair to the state it is in at the moment. Sehun snorts at Baekhyun's whines and Baekhyun pouts at his boyfriend, making Sehun kiss him repeatedly on the lips, for being so cute.
Kyungsoo frowns at Chanyeol. “At least let Jongin and I walk you to the gates.” Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at Chanyeol as if challenging him to go against what he had just said. Jongin nods his head in agreement. Chanyeol sighs but relents, readjusting the snap-back he has on his head.
“See you next Monday, Baek.” Baekhyun waves his hand at his friend but continues to make out with Sehun. Chanyeol shakes his head and chuckles lightly. The three of them left the table and walked towards the front gates.
“Are you alright?” Kyungsoo asks as he stares at Chanyeol's expressions. There is something about his expression that makes Kyungsoo feels a little bit uncomfortable, wary. Chanyeol raises one of his eyebrows as he glances at Kyungsoo. “Did you not have fun with us earlier?” He waits for Chanyeol to answer.
Chanyeol shakes his head and tightens the hold he has on Kyungsoo's hand. “I think I might be coming down with a cold.” Chanyeol feels a little bad for lying but he just can't bring himself to actually tell them the real reason. “I had fun, don't worry about it, Kyungsoo-ya.”
Jongin observes the two from the corner of his eyes and Chanyeol turns to look at him. “I had fun.” He reassures and somehow, despite the reassurance, Jongin feels like something is amiss.
“I'll see the both of you later at home, okay?” Chanyeol releases the hold he has on both of his boyfriends' hands and Jongin hugs Chanyeol who in return pats his back awkwardly before squeezing Kyungsoo's shoulder. “Have fun.” Chanyeol tries to smile at the two and turns around to leave quickly. He really did not want to stay around any longer.
(“Chanyeol hyung would be alright; you don't need to worry.” Jongin assured Kyungsoo but the words felt wrong coming out of his mouth. He isn't sure if the words are meant to reassure Kyungsoo or himself. “He'll be back to normal when he has enough rest.”
The frown on Kyungsoo's face did not seem to disappear. Kyungsoo turns to look at Jongin and sighs. “I'm worried, Jongin.” Kyungsoo reaches for Jongin's hand.
Jongin intertwines their fingers. “Why?”
Kyungsoo looks back at the gate, Chanyeol nowhere to be seen and lets out another sigh. “About us.”
Using his free hand, Jongin wraps Kyungsoo in a hug, planting soft kisses on Kyungsoo's shoulder. “We'll be alright, we'll be fine.” He pulls away slightly. “Chanyeol hyung will be fine too. Let's just go back to playing with Baekhyun and Sehun and after that, if you still feel like wanting to leave, we can head back to Seoul and then buy food for Chanyeol hyung.”
Kyungsoo sighs before he slowly nods his head. He feels a little bit sad that the day he had been looking forward to had been a little bit ruined but he couldn't really blame Chanyeol for feeling unwell. Kyungsoo thinks Chanyeol hasn't been feeling well in a while and he misses Chanyeol, a lot more than he actually lets on.)
Prior to what Jongin has told Kyungsoo that very Saturday, Chanyeol does not in fact get better. Instead, he has been distancing himself. Chanyeol may thinks he is doing it subtly but subtlety was never his forte. Both Kyungsoo and Jongin could see through the lies upon lies he gives them but that aside, they are more than confused with his change in actions. Every time Kyungsoo or either Jongin would approach him and would try to ease in to the topic of why Chanyeol is avoiding the both of them (even to the extent of not coming home every now and then), Chanyeol would always find an opening so he could change the subject or feign being late. Kyungsoo and Jongin are mad but more than that, they are scared of the possible outcome.
The two of them have taken to like Chanyeol more than they thought they would have had and the thought of Chanyeol leaving them, scares the both of them. (More than what they would like to admit).
“Are you sure you don't know what's been bothering Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asks as he bites his lower lip, worry evident in his very little movement and words. Baekhyun falters for a little bit but when he sees the miserable look Kyungsoo is supporting, he sighs.
“Chanyeol is going to kill me for telling you this...” He murmurs but Kyungsoo caught on to his words. His eyes widen and he steps closer to Baekhyun. Said man glances at the man in front of him; Kyungsoo looks a little bit skinnier, eye bags prominent and cheeks sunken. Clearly, Chanyeol isn't the only one that has been suffering. Baekhyun almost chuckles to himself; his best friend is such a dumb (albeit loveable) man.
“You do know then?” Kyungsoo's chest tightens with anticipation. “Is... Is he going to break up with us?” Kyungsoo hates the way those words tremble out of his mouth - it felt bitter and incorrigible.
Baekhyun shrugs his shoulders. “I really don't know if he's planning that far-
Kyungsoo interrupts him, “This means that he has actually contemplated it?”
Baekhyun shrugs his shoulders once more. “Kyungsoo, I am not Chanyeol. So I can't really answer all of your questions but all I can tell you is that Chanyeol feels insecure. Despite his always smiling and happy go lucky attitude, he is really insecure with the relationship.” Baekhyun sighs when he sees the hurt in Kyungsoo's eyes. “He didn't exactly told me the real deal, just bits and pieces but he feels like he is the third wheeler in the relationship.” Baekhyun pats Kyungsoo's back. “Just talk to him please? That idiot really loves the both of you but clearly, he is in need of some immediate reassurance. He is as miserable as the both of you are.”
Saturday evening finds Chanyeol being cornered by Kyungsoo and Jongin. Kyungsoo has a tight hold on his arms and Jongin has locked the door to their bedroom, standing in front of said door, guarding it, eyes never leaving Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol gulps at the situation he is currently in. He doesn't think he has been in the same room as both of his boyfriends (can he still call them that?) for as long as he remembered. “What is going on?” He asks and flinches when Kyungsoo all but shoves him on the bed.
“Sit and listen.” Kyungsoo orders and Chanyeol opens his mouth to protest but Kyungsoo beats him to it. “Why are you avoiding Jongin and I?” He fires the first shot.
Chanyeol opens and closes his mouth a few times but nothing comes to mind.
“Not only that you haven't been around the house in a while,” Jongin points out. “We are really worried.”
Kyungsoo nods his head. “Please don't avoid the two of us and please talk to us.” Kyungsoo states as he steps closer to where Chanyeol is sitting, frozen and lost in his own thoughts. He cups Chanyeol's face, startling the latter and Kyungsoo looks down. “I miss you. Jongin misses you. The both of us miss you very, very much.” Kyungsoo murmurs as he presses kisses on every inch of Chanyeol's face - from his forehead, to his eyes, to his nose and lastly to his mouth. Chanyeol closes his eyes as his hands moved to grab on to Kyungsoo's waist.
“All I want is for us to talk, all three of us.” Jongin says and Chanyeol is not surprised to find him standing beside Kyungsoo. Chanyeol sighs and looks at the two of them before nodding his head. “Will you talk to us?”
“Please don't feel like you can never talk to us or feel like you can't tell us anything.” Kyungsoo murmurs as he wraps his arms around Chanyeol's waist. Jongin who draped himself on Chanyeol's left side nods his head in agreement. “The moment we brought you in to this relationship, that was the moment when we decided that you are what we needed for our love life.” He says after a while. "You complete us."
Chanyeol presses his lips against Kyungsoo's forehead, taking the chance to also inhale Kyungsoo's scent. His heart skips a beat when he realizes that the shampoo Kyungsoo's using isn't his own but Chanyeol's. His heart hammers against his chest when it finally dawns on him just how much Kyungsoo misses him. “I'm sorry.”
Jongin shakes his head, causing Chanyeol to turn to look at the latter. “You don't have to say sorry; I think we are also at fault too.” Jongin feels bad. “I'm sorry for all of the times when you thought that we are much better off without you.” Jongin presses his lips to Chanyeol's jaw. Chanyeol tightens his holds on the both of them.
“It's my fault too.” Chanyeol admits. “I let my insecurity get the best of me. I have had my fair shares of relationships but the further I am in this relationship, the deeper I fell. And the deeper I fell, the more insecure I became. I have never had a relationship like this before and all of the overwhelming feelings, it scares me. What if I fall too deep and no one would be there to catch me?” Chanyeol blurts out. “Sometimes I get too suffocated with what I feel: I love the both of you very much but there are times when I really do think that the both of you are and would be better off without me in your lives.”
Kyungsoo shakes his head before landing a punch on his stomach, causing Chanyeol to let out a pained sound. “If you ever think of leaving us any more, I will personally kill you and then revive you only so I can send you back to hell again.” Kyungsoo hisses.
Chanyeol can't help but laugh; his laughter light and happy.
Even though they talked, Chanyeol knows there are so much more to discuss between the three of them but now that he has actually started opening up to them, his shoulders feel lighter and his heart feels warmer and much, much lighter.
“I love you, hyung. We love you, hyung. Please don't forget that.” Jongin says as he leans up to press his lips against Chanyeol. Chanyeol closes his eyes and enjoys Jongin's lush lips against him and Kyungsoo snuggles closer to his body.
“I know we have quite a lot of things to work on - starting with how to rid of your insecurities but we can make it through.” Kyungsoo exclaims once the both of them part ways. Chanyeol smiles and nods his head. Jongin yawns and settles himself comfortably against Chanyeol, sliding one of his legs in between Chanyeol's.
Chanyeol is about to fall asleep when Kyungsoo moves beside him. "Where are you going?" Chanyeol asks and yawns. Kyungsoo shakes his head and pulls the covers over the three of them.
"No where." Kyungsoo murmurs as he settles back against Chanyeol. Chanyeol smiles and presses his lips against Kyungsoo's forehead - every time he inhales, he can smell his own shampoo mixed with Kyungsoo's natural scent and it makes him all warm and giddy inside. (He needs to address this when they wake up tomorrow, that he needs). "I'm not going anywhere."