"You cannot have my heart."
Went to see Snow White and the Huntsman. Good lord, that was rubbish.
Charlize was splendid; she did magnificently well with the scenery-chewing given to her, and basically 95% of everything good about the movie was related to her and her character. (Oh Ravenna. You made my heart beat frantic origin-of-the-dark-queen inspiration, and your magic was so fucking beautiful.) Hemsworth and Stewart did pretty damn well with what they were given as well, it's just a shame that two-thirds of his writing was hackneyed and two-thirds of her writing was incoherent (but bosom-heave-y).
And then the dwarves. Just fucking why? Why be racefail douchebags to get Ray Winstone (and co.) just to have them do basically nothing besides be a grittier flavour of dwarf-comedy? UGH.
Part of my disappointment with this movie was that I thought - from the aesthetic it was running, and running well, might I say - that it was going with a more realistic shade of story. A nicely narrow and dank and defensible sort of castle, for instance. But then it deviates into pure wtf whimsy in the middle, and the final third is just an exercise in there-is-nowhere-high-enough-to-suspend-this-disbelief-from, especially the part where she takes the tower staircase two at a time in full plate mail (that, incidentally, when did they have time to make to fit her?) and then is not puffed at the top.
Basically, if you give me Kristen Stewart looking bad-fucking-ass in platemail and packing a sword and a glower, I WANT A WARRIOR PRINCESS WHO MEANS IT, not... Revenge Barbie with narcolepsy. If this movie had sent Snow White into the wild to forge herself and her people into the sword of justice to tear down her traitorous stepmother, and she'd fought hard and compromised herself and finally done it... I could've sold my soul to it. As it is, she's Joan of Arc without the blood, sweat, effort or ambiguity, and those were the good parts. (Also, seriously, why was she Catholic?)
In short: I don't like what it did, and I really don't like how it did it (the Huntsman's speech over Snow White is so terrible it literally caused me pain because I bit myself), and BLAH.
Charlize was splendid; she did magnificently well with the scenery-chewing given to her, and basically 95% of everything good about the movie was related to her and her character. (Oh Ravenna. You made my heart beat frantic origin-of-the-dark-queen inspiration, and your magic was so fucking beautiful.) Hemsworth and Stewart did pretty damn well with what they were given as well, it's just a shame that two-thirds of his writing was hackneyed and two-thirds of her writing was incoherent (but bosom-heave-y).
And then the dwarves. Just fucking why? Why be racefail douchebags to get Ray Winstone (and co.) just to have them do basically nothing besides be a grittier flavour of dwarf-comedy? UGH.
Part of my disappointment with this movie was that I thought - from the aesthetic it was running, and running well, might I say - that it was going with a more realistic shade of story. A nicely narrow and dank and defensible sort of castle, for instance. But then it deviates into pure wtf whimsy in the middle, and the final third is just an exercise in there-is-nowhere-high-enough-to-suspend-this-disbelief-from, especially the part where she takes the tower staircase two at a time in full plate mail (that, incidentally, when did they have time to make to fit her?) and then is not puffed at the top.
Basically, if you give me Kristen Stewart looking bad-fucking-ass in platemail and packing a sword and a glower, I WANT A WARRIOR PRINCESS WHO MEANS IT, not... Revenge Barbie with narcolepsy. If this movie had sent Snow White into the wild to forge herself and her people into the sword of justice to tear down her traitorous stepmother, and she'd fought hard and compromised herself and finally done it... I could've sold my soul to it. As it is, she's Joan of Arc without the blood, sweat, effort or ambiguity, and those were the good parts. (Also, seriously, why was she Catholic?)
In short: I don't like what it did, and I really don't like how it did it (the Huntsman's speech over Snow White is so terrible it literally caused me pain because I bit myself), and BLAH.