The Dee-annotated Supernatural - Bugs
Hazards to navigation this time: the fact that I'd just run in the door from climbing and was making myself dinner for most of the first fifteen minutes; the Male's rampant disgrunted-entomologist act; getting constantly distracted by how much Padalecki looks like our friend the fruitcake.
Bugs
OK, we had a new "credits" sequence - like it had moved along a notch or something. Kinda interesting. Also, it makes me wonder if the reason they don't have credits is because they realise that this will be released on DVD and watching the same sequence 12 times is boring. Curious. Anyway.
Caption: Oasis Plains, Oklahoma
Me: Whee, Oklahoma! This means singing Hugh Jackman, right?
Workerman: *falls down hole*
Me: He's going to get Peter Jacksoned, isn't he?
The Male: Not on the same scale, I reckon. On account of this is just the intro and we don't have time for fifteen minutes of giant insect grossness.
Workerman who's not going to get dead: *fumbles around looking for rope*
Me: What, there's only the two of them? He can't yell for assistance? The hell kind of OH&S are they running here?
Workerman: *gets et*
Me: Zombie beetles. Going for the brain.
The Male: Yeah, because they wouldn't eat the rest of him or anything.
Dean: *exits bar, cackling as he waves a wad of money*
Me: Dean's been exotic-dancing again?
Sam: Oasis Plains, Oklahoma - not far from here
The Male: It's never far from here. From this show, you'd thing the US was the size of Victoria.
Me: They're your friendly neighbourhood spidermen.
Dean: Wasn't that on Oprah?
Sam: You watch Oprah?
Dean: *is firmly silent!*
We: *are firmly amused*
Dean: Alright! Oklahoma!
Me: He's excited about the singing Hugh Jackman as well.
The boys do their coin-flipping bickering.
The Male: This is great.
Me: *is helpless with glee*
Dean: So you found some beetles. In a hole in the ground. That's shocking, Sam.
Me: I'm having Due South flashbacks. Sam'll be tasting dirt and sniffing lightposts next. (Also, his sarcasm slays me dead.)
Sam: We need more information, on the area, the neighbourhood, whether something like this has ever happened before.
The Male: To the Batcave of Backstory!
Sam: And the free food's got nothing to do with it?
Me: Sam's totally cramping his style this ep, isn't he?
Dean: Of course not, I'm a professional!
Me: A HUNGRY professional.
Dean: Living in a place like this would freak me out.
The Male: You and him are, like, twins, aren't you?
Me: I'm just staying with you until he realises the error of his ways and becomes a real person.
Sam: There's nothing wrong with normal.
Me: YES THERE IS.
Dean: I'd take our family over normal any day.
Me: I love him.
The Male: Yes, I know.
Larry: We accept homeowners of any race, blah blah sexual orientation.
Us: *mirth*
Dean: We're brothers!
The Male: Yeah, sure you are! Ham it up, boys.
Larry: Blah blah scrubbrush and squirrels.
The Male: Where's the hottie with all the secret info?
Larry: This is my wife.
The Male: Nope, not her.
Chickie: Hi, I'm Linda Bloom.
The Male: Nope, not her either.
Dean: I'm gonna go talk to Larry, OK honey? *slaps Sam's ass*
Sam: *wide-eyed - that fucker!*
Me: *cracks it laughing*
The Male: *cracks it laughing*
Phone: *beeps*
girloftheq: OK, that was funny!
I'm not actually sure what I liked more - the fact that he did it, or the fact that he just walked off and left Sam in it. *G*
Linda: *smiles widely*
Sam: *smiles grimly*
Me: I'm gonna kill him!
Sam: *scoops spider up and takes it over to the Kid*
The Male: He's the hottie with the secret info? That's just wrong!
Larry: *goes prickly at Matt*
The Male: Hey, you fags get away from my son!
Sam: Remind you of somebody?
Dean: *needs a clue*
Sam: Dad.
Dean: *thinks Sam needs a clue* Dad never treated us like that.
Sam: Not you, you were perfect. He was all over my case.
The Male: He suddenly developed a complex.
Me: It's the arse-slapping. Brings back repressed memories.
Dean: What is it that could make different bugs attack?
The Male: STUPIDITY, that's what! Rampant stupidity.
Me: Well, it makes you attack.
Dean: Maybe they're being controlled somehow, but something or someone.
Me: I blame Jennifer Connelly.
Sam: We're going to squat in an empty house?
Dean: *nods* I wanna try the steam shower. C'mon.
Me: *draws a great big heart around Dean "morals are for other people" Winchester*
Spider runs out of Linda's hair and over her eye. She brushes it away.
Me: Is she Evil Spider Lady?
The Male: I don't think so. I think she's cactus. Soundtrack tells us so.
Me: Wouldn't you freak out just a LITTLE bit more, though? Well, not you personally. You'd just go for the killjar and then examine it for a little while before sticking it in the freezer.
The Male: I did that ONCE!
Linda: *is naked in the shower*
Me: Yeah, she's definitely cactus.
Spider crawls out of pipe space, followed by a crowd of bad, fuzzy CGI.
The Male: That's not a spider, it's just a bunch of pixels!
Linda: *screams*
Me: Oh, NOW she's freaking out.
The Male: She's not arachnophobic, just frightened of CGI.
Linda: *goes straight through the shower door, blood everywhere!*
Me: That was totally not safety glass. The hell kind of standards they have in this place?
Linda: *is naked and dead with spiders on her face*
The Male: You know, the X-Files episode was better.
Me: When did you turn into girloftheq?
Sam: *thumps on door* You ever coming out of there?
Me: Yeah, stop wanking.
Dean: This shower is awesome.
Me: You big GIRL.
(OR, you know, they could just both try out the shower. Hee. Yes, Dean, show him how it FEELS SO GOOD. Ahem.)
House number: 7379
Me: The FUCK? What, does this road go all the way to Canada?
Dean: *from under his umbrella* You know what we have to do, right?
Me: Singing in the Rain?
The Male: What is this, the musical episode?
Me: I'm upset by the lack of Hugh Jackman.
Dean: *tips spiders out of towel*
Spiders: *are TOTALLY plastic*
The Male: Oh GOD, not PLASTIC SPIDERS!
Me: Yep, they totally blew their effects budget.
They stalk Matt.
Dean: Isn't his house that way?
Sam: Yep.
Dean: So where's he going?
Me: Into the wild.
Matt: You're not here to buy a house, are you?
Me: Nope, we're pedophiles.
Matt: Wait, you're not serial killers.
The Male: No, we're PEDOPHILES.
Sam: *all soft* No, no I think you're safe.
Me: OK, we need to shut up, because this is getting freaky.
Matt: Let me show you something. *leads them off*
Sam: *gives Dean a look as they follow*
Me: Hey, I thought WE were the sexual predators. OMG Dee, shutup.
Sam: How old are you?
Matt: Sixteen
The Male: Damn, too old.
Sam: Well, don't sweat it, because in two years something great's going to happen.
Me: Nah, man, I've totally had a blowjob already.
Meanwhile, the bolshy brotherly stare-off of "yeah? YEAH?" makes me do a happy dance inside. (Also, it distracts me from that whole pedophilia thing we set loose, which is a good thing.)
Matt: From bees to earthworms--
The Male: Earthworms.
Me: Yep.
The Male: EARTHWORMS.
Me: Live with it, bitch.
The Male: *sulks*
Sam: What's that? *indicating mound of earth*
The Male: Barrow.
Me: Full of wights.
The Male: Ancient burial mound of slaughterous bee kings. You think it might be important?
Dean: *marches on over to Barrow*
Me: Fall in!
Dean: *knocks in top, creates hole*
Me: Get pulled in!
The Male: You got it in for him or something?
Dean: *pokes about with stick* There's something down there.
The Male: Yeah, it's called the ground.
Me: Is it a hobbit?
Dean: *very rashly reaches in and forages around, pulls out a skull*
The Male: Dude, that's kinda disrespectful.
Me: Nah, disrespectful would be making it talk. "Hello Sammy, who's a pissy little bitch, then?"
Sam: The question is why bugs? and why now?
Dean: Nah, that's two questions.
Me: He can count! As well as snark!
The Male: But only one if.
Me: I'mma throw a beer bottle at you and all.
Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to remember a few choice phrases coming out of your mouth.
Can I just... dude, DEAN, man. Stuck in the middle between those two. I bet he could've just knocked their bloody heads together, most days.
Sam: You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad...
Me: I'm gonna deck him.
Dean: *infodumps Papa Winchester's protective streak*
Me: *wibbles. a lot*
We lost pretty much the entire scene with the Anthro professor in an argument about whether or not the professor was some aged breed of Baldwin.
Inscrutable old Indian: *plays cards. Inscrutably*
The Male: I wanna see Northern Exposure again.
Me: Yeah.
Dean: We're students from the university.
Indian: No you're not, you're lying.
Me: Well, that too.
Dean: Well, truth is--
Indian: You know who starts sentence with "truth is"? Liars.
Me: That's it, I'm gonna thump this guy.
Sam: Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It's a housing development, blah blah.
Indian: I like him, he's not a liar.
Me: That's because he's just asked questions so far. I could do that without lying and all.
Sam: Something bad is happening there. We think it might have something to do with some old bones we found there. Native American bones.
Indian: *looks down*
Me: I don't like him any more.
Indian: I'll tell you what my grandfather told me.
Me: What, siddown and shut up?
The Male: How to play scorpa.
Me: That if I ever got a nose ring he'd rip it out.
Indian: *infodumps*
Me: So actually, HE'S the hottie with the secret info.
The Male: This episode is many sorts of wrong.
I'd just like to take a moment to say, GOD I hate cockroaches. *breaks out in full-body shivers*
Sam: *calls Matt*
Me: He has his number? Dude, this IS freaky.
Sam: You gotta MAKE him listen, OK?
The Male: OR, you gotta set fire to the house.
Dean: Gimme the phone. *grabs phone* -- Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you gotta go to the hospital, OK?
The Male: THAT's thinking.
Dean: *gives Sam a Look* Make him listen. What were you thinking?
Us: *mirth*
Matt: Sorry, I told him the truth.
Dean: We had a plan, Matt, what happened to the plan?
Me: I like the other guy better, sorry.
The Male: DAMN his boyish good looks.
Matt: Why won't you listen to me?
Me: Because you're a whiny teenager?
OK, from this point on our commentary is pretty much just one big WTF?! Because, no, seriously. WHAT. THE. FUCK? The flame-throwing, the hiding in the attic, the six hours of night taking five fucking minutes. I mean... bzuh? They arrive at midnight, and thirty seconds later, it's full dawn outside. FULL dawn, I mean, there was no false dawn or anything, just pretty much straight from full dark to full daylight. I'm sorry, but they seriously, utterly and grievously dropped the ball on this one.
Larry: Well, this has been the biggest financial disaster of my career, but somehow... *looks towards son* I don't care.
Me: Quick, get me a bucket, I'm going to hurl.
Sam: I want to apologise to him.
Dean: For what?
Sam: All those things I said to him.
Me: Not about his cooking being shit, I hope, cos that was totally true.
Dean: Yeah, well, we'll find him, you'll apologise, and five minutes later you guys'll be at each other's throats.
Me: *caught in a fit of mirth and also Dean-in-the-middle heartage*
Sam: Let's hit the road.
Guitars: *wail*
The Male: No. NO. Not even truly righteous guitars can save this one.
Bugs
OK, we had a new "credits" sequence - like it had moved along a notch or something. Kinda interesting. Also, it makes me wonder if the reason they don't have credits is because they realise that this will be released on DVD and watching the same sequence 12 times is boring. Curious. Anyway.
Caption: Oasis Plains, Oklahoma
Me: Whee, Oklahoma! This means singing Hugh Jackman, right?
Workerman: *falls down hole*
Me: He's going to get Peter Jacksoned, isn't he?
The Male: Not on the same scale, I reckon. On account of this is just the intro and we don't have time for fifteen minutes of giant insect grossness.
Workerman who's not going to get dead: *fumbles around looking for rope*
Me: What, there's only the two of them? He can't yell for assistance? The hell kind of OH&S are they running here?
Workerman: *gets et*
Me: Zombie beetles. Going for the brain.
The Male: Yeah, because they wouldn't eat the rest of him or anything.
Dean: *exits bar, cackling as he waves a wad of money*
Me: Dean's been exotic-dancing again?
Sam: Oasis Plains, Oklahoma - not far from here
The Male: It's never far from here. From this show, you'd thing the US was the size of Victoria.
Me: They're your friendly neighbourhood spidermen.
Dean: Wasn't that on Oprah?
Sam: You watch Oprah?
Dean: *is firmly silent!*
We: *are firmly amused*
Dean: Alright! Oklahoma!
Me: He's excited about the singing Hugh Jackman as well.
The boys do their coin-flipping bickering.
The Male: This is great.
Me: *is helpless with glee*
Dean: So you found some beetles. In a hole in the ground. That's shocking, Sam.
Me: I'm having Due South flashbacks. Sam'll be tasting dirt and sniffing lightposts next. (Also, his sarcasm slays me dead.)
Sam: We need more information, on the area, the neighbourhood, whether something like this has ever happened before.
The Male: To the Batcave of Backstory!
Sam: And the free food's got nothing to do with it?
Me: Sam's totally cramping his style this ep, isn't he?
Dean: Of course not, I'm a professional!
Me: A HUNGRY professional.
Dean: Living in a place like this would freak me out.
The Male: You and him are, like, twins, aren't you?
Me: I'm just staying with you until he realises the error of his ways and becomes a real person.
Sam: There's nothing wrong with normal.
Me: YES THERE IS.
Dean: I'd take our family over normal any day.
Me: I love him.
The Male: Yes, I know.
Larry: We accept homeowners of any race, blah blah sexual orientation.
Us: *mirth*
Dean: We're brothers!
The Male: Yeah, sure you are! Ham it up, boys.
Larry: Blah blah scrubbrush and squirrels.
The Male: Where's the hottie with all the secret info?
Larry: This is my wife.
The Male: Nope, not her.
Chickie: Hi, I'm Linda Bloom.
The Male: Nope, not her either.
Dean: I'm gonna go talk to Larry, OK honey? *slaps Sam's ass*
Sam: *wide-eyed - that fucker!*
Me: *cracks it laughing*
The Male: *cracks it laughing*
Phone: *beeps*
girloftheq: OK, that was funny!
I'm not actually sure what I liked more - the fact that he did it, or the fact that he just walked off and left Sam in it. *G*
Linda: *smiles widely*
Sam: *smiles grimly*
Me: I'm gonna kill him!
Sam: *scoops spider up and takes it over to the Kid*
The Male: He's the hottie with the secret info? That's just wrong!
Larry: *goes prickly at Matt*
The Male: Hey, you fags get away from my son!
Sam: Remind you of somebody?
Dean: *needs a clue*
Sam: Dad.
Dean: *thinks Sam needs a clue* Dad never treated us like that.
Sam: Not you, you were perfect. He was all over my case.
The Male: He suddenly developed a complex.
Me: It's the arse-slapping. Brings back repressed memories.
Dean: What is it that could make different bugs attack?
The Male: STUPIDITY, that's what! Rampant stupidity.
Me: Well, it makes you attack.
Dean: Maybe they're being controlled somehow, but something or someone.
Me: I blame Jennifer Connelly.
Sam: We're going to squat in an empty house?
Dean: *nods* I wanna try the steam shower. C'mon.
Me: *draws a great big heart around Dean "morals are for other people" Winchester*
Spider runs out of Linda's hair and over her eye. She brushes it away.
Me: Is she Evil Spider Lady?
The Male: I don't think so. I think she's cactus. Soundtrack tells us so.
Me: Wouldn't you freak out just a LITTLE bit more, though? Well, not you personally. You'd just go for the killjar and then examine it for a little while before sticking it in the freezer.
The Male: I did that ONCE!
Linda: *is naked in the shower*
Me: Yeah, she's definitely cactus.
Spider crawls out of pipe space, followed by a crowd of bad, fuzzy CGI.
The Male: That's not a spider, it's just a bunch of pixels!
Linda: *screams*
Me: Oh, NOW she's freaking out.
The Male: She's not arachnophobic, just frightened of CGI.
Linda: *goes straight through the shower door, blood everywhere!*
Me: That was totally not safety glass. The hell kind of standards they have in this place?
Linda: *is naked and dead with spiders on her face*
The Male: You know, the X-Files episode was better.
Me: When did you turn into girloftheq?
Sam: *thumps on door* You ever coming out of there?
Me: Yeah, stop wanking.
Dean: This shower is awesome.
Me: You big GIRL.
(OR, you know, they could just both try out the shower. Hee. Yes, Dean, show him how it FEELS SO GOOD. Ahem.)
House number: 7379
Me: The FUCK? What, does this road go all the way to Canada?
Dean: *from under his umbrella* You know what we have to do, right?
Me: Singing in the Rain?
The Male: What is this, the musical episode?
Me: I'm upset by the lack of Hugh Jackman.
Dean: *tips spiders out of towel*
Spiders: *are TOTALLY plastic*
The Male: Oh GOD, not PLASTIC SPIDERS!
Me: Yep, they totally blew their effects budget.
They stalk Matt.
Dean: Isn't his house that way?
Sam: Yep.
Dean: So where's he going?
Me: Into the wild.
Matt: You're not here to buy a house, are you?
Me: Nope, we're pedophiles.
Matt: Wait, you're not serial killers.
The Male: No, we're PEDOPHILES.
Sam: *all soft* No, no I think you're safe.
Me: OK, we need to shut up, because this is getting freaky.
Matt: Let me show you something. *leads them off*
Sam: *gives Dean a look as they follow*
Me: Hey, I thought WE were the sexual predators. OMG Dee, shutup.
Sam: How old are you?
Matt: Sixteen
The Male: Damn, too old.
Sam: Well, don't sweat it, because in two years something great's going to happen.
Me: Nah, man, I've totally had a blowjob already.
Meanwhile, the bolshy brotherly stare-off of "yeah? YEAH?" makes me do a happy dance inside. (Also, it distracts me from that whole pedophilia thing we set loose, which is a good thing.)
Matt: From bees to earthworms--
The Male: Earthworms.
Me: Yep.
The Male: EARTHWORMS.
Me: Live with it, bitch.
The Male: *sulks*
Sam: What's that? *indicating mound of earth*
The Male: Barrow.
Me: Full of wights.
The Male: Ancient burial mound of slaughterous bee kings. You think it might be important?
Dean: *marches on over to Barrow*
Me: Fall in!
Dean: *knocks in top, creates hole*
Me: Get pulled in!
The Male: You got it in for him or something?
Dean: *pokes about with stick* There's something down there.
The Male: Yeah, it's called the ground.
Me: Is it a hobbit?
Dean: *very rashly reaches in and forages around, pulls out a skull*
The Male: Dude, that's kinda disrespectful.
Me: Nah, disrespectful would be making it talk. "Hello Sammy, who's a pissy little bitch, then?"
Sam: The question is why bugs? and why now?
Dean: Nah, that's two questions.
Me: He can count! As well as snark!
The Male: But only one if.
Me: I'mma throw a beer bottle at you and all.
Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to remember a few choice phrases coming out of your mouth.
Can I just... dude, DEAN, man. Stuck in the middle between those two. I bet he could've just knocked their bloody heads together, most days.
Sam: You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad...
Me: I'm gonna deck him.
Dean: *infodumps Papa Winchester's protective streak*
Me: *wibbles. a lot*
We lost pretty much the entire scene with the Anthro professor in an argument about whether or not the professor was some aged breed of Baldwin.
Inscrutable old Indian: *plays cards. Inscrutably*
The Male: I wanna see Northern Exposure again.
Me: Yeah.
Dean: We're students from the university.
Indian: No you're not, you're lying.
Me: Well, that too.
Dean: Well, truth is--
Indian: You know who starts sentence with "truth is"? Liars.
Me: That's it, I'm gonna thump this guy.
Sam: Have you heard of Oasis Plains? It's a housing development, blah blah.
Indian: I like him, he's not a liar.
Me: That's because he's just asked questions so far. I could do that without lying and all.
Sam: Something bad is happening there. We think it might have something to do with some old bones we found there. Native American bones.
Indian: *looks down*
Me: I don't like him any more.
Indian: I'll tell you what my grandfather told me.
Me: What, siddown and shut up?
The Male: How to play scorpa.
Me: That if I ever got a nose ring he'd rip it out.
Indian: *infodumps*
Me: So actually, HE'S the hottie with the secret info.
The Male: This episode is many sorts of wrong.
I'd just like to take a moment to say, GOD I hate cockroaches. *breaks out in full-body shivers*
Sam: *calls Matt*
Me: He has his number? Dude, this IS freaky.
Sam: You gotta MAKE him listen, OK?
The Male: OR, you gotta set fire to the house.
Dean: Gimme the phone. *grabs phone* -- Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you gotta go to the hospital, OK?
The Male: THAT's thinking.
Dean: *gives Sam a Look* Make him listen. What were you thinking?
Us: *mirth*
Matt: Sorry, I told him the truth.
Dean: We had a plan, Matt, what happened to the plan?
Me: I like the other guy better, sorry.
The Male: DAMN his boyish good looks.
Matt: Why won't you listen to me?
Me: Because you're a whiny teenager?
OK, from this point on our commentary is pretty much just one big WTF?! Because, no, seriously. WHAT. THE. FUCK? The flame-throwing, the hiding in the attic, the six hours of night taking five fucking minutes. I mean... bzuh? They arrive at midnight, and thirty seconds later, it's full dawn outside. FULL dawn, I mean, there was no false dawn or anything, just pretty much straight from full dark to full daylight. I'm sorry, but they seriously, utterly and grievously dropped the ball on this one.
Larry: Well, this has been the biggest financial disaster of my career, but somehow... *looks towards son* I don't care.
Me: Quick, get me a bucket, I'm going to hurl.
Sam: I want to apologise to him.
Dean: For what?
Sam: All those things I said to him.
Me: Not about his cooking being shit, I hope, cos that was totally true.
Dean: Yeah, well, we'll find him, you'll apologise, and five minutes later you guys'll be at each other's throats.
Me: *caught in a fit of mirth and also Dean-in-the-middle heartage*
Sam: Let's hit the road.
Guitars: *wail*
The Male: No. NO. Not even truly righteous guitars can save this one.