Wow. Damn. Just damn. That was amazing. I don't even know how to address it all...so elusive in a way...pure porn at the beginning, just jumping right in, and then peeks at Dom and Orli and I thought it was so interesting the invisible lines she sees between them, the way their hands move over her in perfect rhythm yet never touch. The way she becomes the line they need to cross...wow. Amazing how that all snuck in there.
Lovely Mary Sueing..heee..but I felt kind of melancholy at the end. *sniff*
After all, they were neither of them hers to begin with.
Augh. Amazing, but *augh*.
One of my fave moments:
she was looking into Dom's eyes when she said, "I wonder if you taste like Orli", and they went almost black
*guh* So sexy and then, well, maybe more than one reason why Dom finds that line so sexy...
*relieved sigh* Thank you. I get to this point at the end of writing my stories where I'm not sure if the blinding thought I set out to write has survived the process at all. I breathe easier when I've received some confirmation from an outside source. *g*
This one... yes, pure porn. I wrote that in the first plotting note I left myself - "pure porn, Evans, holy hell". But there was that story in there I wanted to tell.
As for the melancholy at the end... well, yes, we know about me and my estranged relationship with happy endings. *g* This one may have even turned out a touch more morose than I intended, but that's just the way the prose turned.
I am so utterly delighted you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for the wonderful detailed feedback!
heee...and funny, I have an estranged relationship with *sad* endings..heh. I just finished an angst fic and I just couldn't leave it at that...had to put some light into it!
Glad I could help with fb. I know I love it when people point out stuff, because I'm with you...sometimes I just can't see the fic anymore for what it is--I know what I meant it to be, but after a certain point I guess I can't see the forest for the trees. So it is lovely to have people come along and let you know you've gotten across just what you wanted to!!
Lovely porn w/purpose. But we'll have to see what we can do about that relationship with happy endings...heee...
holy dear sweet jesus, dee. there is nothing quite like the art of sex when it's in your hands. i think i felt all of that -- all of what orli, dom, and keira each felt -- as i read this. holy god that was hot. the hottest. :::melts::: :::combusts::: :::melts again:::
as far as i'm concerned you can write keira-sue every day of the week. the deep detail that i love so much about your style makes something like this, something not character-driven but moment-driven, that much more intense for the memories and true sensations of being all woman with someone who is incredibly skilled and incredibly sexy -- and not just one someone, two someones -- in a dance that works on so many levels. the emotional and sexual play of a threesome like this just blows my mind -- the first d'orli kiss brings to bear everything you've painted to that point and the sparks are undeniable. holy god, dee. i've never before read anything that has pooled all hot and liquid deep inside me quite the way this has.
I am grinning like a loon now, ear to ear. I'm going to dislocate something patting myself on the back. I love me some jenny-feedback, yes I do. I am incoherent with trilling joy.
*cuddles you up and keeps you*
(But oh no, I couldn't write Keira-Sue every day of the week. This fic was such a wrestle. Hence my joy.)
Ohwow. I wish I could preen and take credit for that one, but that's another case of happy coincidence. Or my subconscious outsmarting me again. Damn.
Lack of responsibility means I can admire it all the more, of course. It is good, isn't it? *g*
Thank you, Sloane, for enjoying and for commenting. I might just treasure "something else" as the epitome of what I've always wanted to achieve. *hugs*
You like het? Wow, me too. Maybe we're related! *g*
Yes, you're quite right regarding Keira-Sue, I think. I mean, who wouldn't want to be in her position? But what really added the -Sue was her "seeing the subtext" and "creating the reality". *g*
Wish I had the live-action models to play with. Ah well, in the meantime, words will have to do.
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Lovely Mary Sueing..heee..but I felt kind of melancholy at the end. *sniff*
After all, they were neither of them hers to begin with.
Augh. Amazing, but *augh*.
One of my fave moments:
she was looking into Dom's eyes when she said, "I wonder if you taste like Orli", and they went almost black
*guh* So sexy and then, well, maybe more than one reason why Dom finds that line so sexy...
Bravo!!
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This one... yes, pure porn. I wrote that in the first plotting note I left myself - "pure porn, Evans, holy hell". But there was that story in there I wanted to tell.
As for the melancholy at the end... well, yes, we know about me and my estranged relationship with happy endings. *g* This one may have even turned out a touch more morose than I intended, but that's just the way the prose turned.
I am so utterly delighted you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for the wonderful detailed feedback!
Reply
Glad I could help with fb. I know I love it when people point out stuff, because I'm with you...sometimes I just can't see the fic anymore for what it is--I know what I meant it to be, but after a certain point I guess I can't see the forest for the trees. So it is lovely to have people come along and let you know you've gotten across just what you wanted to!!
Lovely porn w/purpose. But we'll have to see what we can do about that relationship with happy endings...heee...
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as far as i'm concerned you can write keira-sue every day of the week. the deep detail that i love so much about your style makes something like this, something not character-driven but moment-driven, that much more intense for the memories and true sensations of being all woman with someone who is incredibly skilled and incredibly sexy -- and not just one someone, two someones -- in a dance that works on so many levels. the emotional and sexual play of a threesome like this just blows my mind -- the first d'orli kiss brings to bear everything you've painted to that point and the sparks are undeniable. holy god, dee. i've never before read anything that has pooled all hot and liquid deep inside me quite the way this has.
:::goes back to worshipping you:::
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I am grinning like a loon now, ear to ear. I'm going to dislocate something patting myself on the back. I love me some jenny-feedback, yes I do. I am incoherent with trilling joy.
*cuddles you up and keeps you*
(But oh no, I couldn't write Keira-Sue every day of the week. This fic was such a wrestle. Hence my joy.)
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:::licks:::
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Lack of responsibility means I can admire it all the more, of course. It is good, isn't it? *g*
Thank you, Sloane, for enjoying and for commenting. I might just treasure "something else" as the epitome of what I've always wanted to achieve. *hugs*
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I see her as in some ways less of a Mary-Sue and more of a referent for all female slash-writers. We do what she does, putting them together...
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Yes, you're quite right regarding Keira-Sue, I think. I mean, who wouldn't want to be in her position? But what really added the -Sue was her "seeing the subtext" and "creating the reality". *g*
Wish I had the live-action models to play with. Ah well, in the meantime, words will have to do.
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