Run-ins with Maya
The woman I sit next to at Assouline is a tool, but I think I snapped her out of it. Here are our interactions, in order since I started working here.
1
Maya: If youre not doing anything you could help me.
Me: Really, do you have something for me?
Maya: Abso-fuckin-lutely.
Maya via Email: Can you figure out a way to print these photographs in color please?
Me via Email: It looks like google books restricts printing. I'm not sure if you already knew that but I don't think there's a way I can print this book except for downloading hacking programs which i'm not sure I have authorization for. Please let me know if you need anything else.
Maya: Don’t you just take a screenshot?
Me: A screenshot? I thought I’d have to hack google books.
Maya: Oh I’LL just do it, we wouldn’t want you to get ARRESTED.
2
Me: :::puts sock puppet portrait on desk:::
Maya: YOU HAVE A PORTRAIT OF A…WHAT IS THAT.
Me: It’s a sock puppet, I just think it’s funny.
Maya: :::COLD STARE:::
3
Maya: :::bops me over the head with a stack of papers:::
Me: Uhhhh.............
Maya: DID THAT HURT?
Me: Uh no, but it’s just like,, what the fuck.
4
Me: :::puts small plastic African-american baby figurine in Maya’s purse:::
Maya: :::goes to lunch, comes back and says nothing despite HAVING to know I put it there:::
5
Maya: How do you spell---
Me: what?
Maya: Nothing.
6
Maya: :::spills tea all over her desk, exclaiming wildly:::
Me: I’ll go get some paper towels. :::brings some back::
Maya: This isn’t gonna be enough.
Me: :::brings more back:::
Maya: thanks. :::10 minutes later offers me pretzels:::
7
Maya: :::in passing::: Hi peanut.
WTF!!!!!!
I swear that the minute I put that baby in her purse, this bitch hasn’t been the same kind of bitch.
1
Maya: If youre not doing anything you could help me.
Me: Really, do you have something for me?
Maya: Abso-fuckin-lutely.
Maya via Email: Can you figure out a way to print these photographs in color please?
Me via Email: It looks like google books restricts printing. I'm not sure if you already knew that but I don't think there's a way I can print this book except for downloading hacking programs which i'm not sure I have authorization for. Please let me know if you need anything else.
Maya: Don’t you just take a screenshot?
Me: A screenshot? I thought I’d have to hack google books.
Maya: Oh I’LL just do it, we wouldn’t want you to get ARRESTED.
2
Me: :::puts sock puppet portrait on desk:::
Maya: YOU HAVE A PORTRAIT OF A…WHAT IS THAT.
Me: It’s a sock puppet, I just think it’s funny.
Maya: :::COLD STARE:::
3
Maya: :::bops me over the head with a stack of papers:::
Me: Uhhhh.............
Maya: DID THAT HURT?
Me: Uh no, but it’s just like,, what the fuck.
4
Me: :::puts small plastic African-american baby figurine in Maya’s purse:::
Maya: :::goes to lunch, comes back and says nothing despite HAVING to know I put it there:::
5
Maya: How do you spell---
Me: what?
Maya: Nothing.
6
Maya: :::spills tea all over her desk, exclaiming wildly:::
Me: I’ll go get some paper towels. :::brings some back::
Maya: This isn’t gonna be enough.
Me: :::brings more back:::
Maya: thanks. :::10 minutes later offers me pretzels:::
7
Maya: :::in passing::: Hi peanut.
WTF!!!!!!
I swear that the minute I put that baby in her purse, this bitch hasn’t been the same kind of bitch.