i miss you
josh asked me to write more. um so on the last day of july i put in my two weeks at mr. youth. yeah i am quitting. my boss was supportive of me and my creative soul but it was time to go. somewhere over the past year i applied to sarah lawrence a month late, and got in and then my job changed with no raise so i wanted to go back to school...god i am tired writing this, every time i start to write i get sleepy as fuck, it's like my body shuts down. what...the fuck is that all about. i used to write a lot, i used to be a writer, now i dont care about fucking anything except dubstep and bonding with people.
ive been doing a lot of that. this has been an EVENTFUL summer. every weekend night is a late late night and a lot of weeknights too. lots of gallivanting and the city is HOT. HOT HOT. heat hums off the streets and sidewalks and midtown is a pizza oven. i wrote a post about murderin dudes and feeling empty cause of it but i deleted it, my ex could be reading and would call me a whore and plus not everyone will understand how you can throw a handful of men into your face like it was pills or you were knocking back liquor, then later lay on the couch clutching yourself like ohhh whatd i do, i regret it.
men and greasy food and liquor and pot sometimes pills maybe coke if i ring up Shadeball. im so full of crap. and empty without the wife. but it's only been a month or so. not enough time to feel whole alone...hence all this stuffing myself. i took acid last week it was fun.
more about myself: i shouldnt sell the thing short, i have a gift, i should write about sarah lawrence and my functionality outside of social and personal environments. i dont know where im gonna live this fall. and am taking no action so my dad posted something on the MySLC website like, hi im adriana does anyone need a roommate. i got two calls so far, a guy and a girl. both sound so WHOLESOME. like theyre in school and thats SERIOUS BUSINESS. i know its serious business, sarah lawrence is one of the best writing schools in the country for shits sake and im all sidling up to it with my zoned out summertime swag like "oh hay ahhh whats goin on with this whole grad program thang"...i cant go if im not serious or live with strangers as any kind of addict.
heres how i worked it out in my head in the bath just now: like, i am going to LA from august 15 thru 27 so i can get my last summer smoke binge on and Eles can put my head in the right place about what grad school means. and i can relax and reflect on WOW i just worked as a young urban professional for two years at a hip successful NYC ad firm. then come back in time for school like, now its time to get serious. do some real work that matters to me. get this degree.
and beat back the notion that i belong not at university but at Dubspot the dj-ing & producing school on 14th and 9th. It's 4K a year and i'd be living the (less intellectual) dream.
ive been having solely thrills lately and nothing really rewarding. i slept the past three nights in my office, each time crawling back at 7 AM to crash on the conference room couch. after 2 separate cocktail hours thurs and the Marley show on friday night, sat night was skream at the knitting factory.
. wait someone texted me .
twas beebox, Skream was booked tonight in Philly, and i had told her to go, it would change her life.
she texted "you were right" haha.
YES. He was GREAT last night, damn good. Skream is only 22, he invented dubstep at 19. and dubstep is a fucking virus wiping out all corners of the globe especially stateside. before the show there was a nice pre-party on ben's roof in union square and all the british jamaican First City Grime MCs rehearsed. The knitting factory is an ill venue, bouncers and door people are nice. After Skream's set one of the MCs' stacked black girlfriend was charmed by my drunk ass and is all texting today on some "im bicurious lets smoke haze"...shes 33 and has brilliant white veneers. naw but the only girl i want is ex wifey i still love her. she'll never understand my ways. or maybe understands enough to know to stay away.
im going to miss her. and im going to miss mr. youth. they both provided a certain level of support i took for granted. aw Chelsea Market...and my 24 hour key. waking up when the receptionists come in, getting dressed then pissing myself with the developers. confining workplace gossip to iChat during the day for silent revelations and trash talk. a bunch of cool kids pushing 30. That show everyone loves... "The Office"? Our shit is better than that. till corporate armageddon we're all keeping it real.
i have a LOT of writing to do about this whole experience and experiences the cash has afforded me. in many ways i feel that job gave me a key to the city. i hope that once im in school, which is above the bronx so unofficially 'upstate', i don't feel locked out of manhattan, workload wise or financially.
it took some effort to write that but i found i wasnt as tired once i got going. maybe it's just hard getting over the initial "im gonna write now" hump. adsljadfogh must get back in the habit of assigning words to events and feelings.
now bed. theres your post josh, buy me tickets to wherever you are. i want to explore the concept of disenchantment or whatevers mutually plaguing us. but yeah i cant afford it.
ive been doing a lot of that. this has been an EVENTFUL summer. every weekend night is a late late night and a lot of weeknights too. lots of gallivanting and the city is HOT. HOT HOT. heat hums off the streets and sidewalks and midtown is a pizza oven. i wrote a post about murderin dudes and feeling empty cause of it but i deleted it, my ex could be reading and would call me a whore and plus not everyone will understand how you can throw a handful of men into your face like it was pills or you were knocking back liquor, then later lay on the couch clutching yourself like ohhh whatd i do, i regret it.
men and greasy food and liquor and pot sometimes pills maybe coke if i ring up Shadeball. im so full of crap. and empty without the wife. but it's only been a month or so. not enough time to feel whole alone...hence all this stuffing myself. i took acid last week it was fun.
more about myself: i shouldnt sell the thing short, i have a gift, i should write about sarah lawrence and my functionality outside of social and personal environments. i dont know where im gonna live this fall. and am taking no action so my dad posted something on the MySLC website like, hi im adriana does anyone need a roommate. i got two calls so far, a guy and a girl. both sound so WHOLESOME. like theyre in school and thats SERIOUS BUSINESS. i know its serious business, sarah lawrence is one of the best writing schools in the country for shits sake and im all sidling up to it with my zoned out summertime swag like "oh hay ahhh whats goin on with this whole grad program thang"...i cant go if im not serious or live with strangers as any kind of addict.
heres how i worked it out in my head in the bath just now: like, i am going to LA from august 15 thru 27 so i can get my last summer smoke binge on and Eles can put my head in the right place about what grad school means. and i can relax and reflect on WOW i just worked as a young urban professional for two years at a hip successful NYC ad firm. then come back in time for school like, now its time to get serious. do some real work that matters to me. get this degree.
and beat back the notion that i belong not at university but at Dubspot the dj-ing & producing school on 14th and 9th. It's 4K a year and i'd be living the (less intellectual) dream.
ive been having solely thrills lately and nothing really rewarding. i slept the past three nights in my office, each time crawling back at 7 AM to crash on the conference room couch. after 2 separate cocktail hours thurs and the Marley show on friday night, sat night was skream at the knitting factory.
. wait someone texted me .
twas beebox, Skream was booked tonight in Philly, and i had told her to go, it would change her life.
she texted "you were right" haha.
YES. He was GREAT last night, damn good. Skream is only 22, he invented dubstep at 19. and dubstep is a fucking virus wiping out all corners of the globe especially stateside. before the show there was a nice pre-party on ben's roof in union square and all the british jamaican First City Grime MCs rehearsed. The knitting factory is an ill venue, bouncers and door people are nice. After Skream's set one of the MCs' stacked black girlfriend was charmed by my drunk ass and is all texting today on some "im bicurious lets smoke haze"...shes 33 and has brilliant white veneers. naw but the only girl i want is ex wifey i still love her. she'll never understand my ways. or maybe understands enough to know to stay away.
im going to miss her. and im going to miss mr. youth. they both provided a certain level of support i took for granted. aw Chelsea Market...and my 24 hour key. waking up when the receptionists come in, getting dressed then pissing myself with the developers. confining workplace gossip to iChat during the day for silent revelations and trash talk. a bunch of cool kids pushing 30. That show everyone loves... "The Office"? Our shit is better than that. till corporate armageddon we're all keeping it real.
i have a LOT of writing to do about this whole experience and experiences the cash has afforded me. in many ways i feel that job gave me a key to the city. i hope that once im in school, which is above the bronx so unofficially 'upstate', i don't feel locked out of manhattan, workload wise or financially.
it took some effort to write that but i found i wasnt as tired once i got going. maybe it's just hard getting over the initial "im gonna write now" hump. adsljadfogh must get back in the habit of assigning words to events and feelings.
now bed. theres your post josh, buy me tickets to wherever you are. i want to explore the concept of disenchantment or whatevers mutually plaguing us. but yeah i cant afford it.