growing up?
boss at primary job made several bad business choices and has cut my hours dramatically. i'm supposed to go in a few hours, but am concerned that perhaps she's just shut down the entire business during the week+ we've not been in touch.
working on music, practicing more, getting serious about it. i have a goal, and the thing i need to keep at [always] is practice. this has always been the case.
a pile up of annoyances and general losing faith in humanity came to a head the past couple days, and it made me realize that i'm a better person now than i was when i moved here. i'm pickier about my company and who i choose to date [which is no one, at the moment]. and i feel good about being alone by choice. i do get lonely, as always, but i do not want to hurt someone again nor be hurt by someone who doesn't know what he/she wants. i just can't deal with it, i feel too exhausted to.
it's funny how last night, something just snapped inside me. and i'm not sure what that thing was, but i just felt DONE. i felt a huge relief. i don't want to spend time with people whose actions i cannot back. and i don't want to be associated with people who will say or think horrible things of others, for no other reason but boredom. i know i am being vague, but there's been a lot that has happened. i just don't have the energy to pour into people that don't have any sense of drive, accomplishment, merit, integrity, honor...the longer i stay celibate, the more gross i find people. it becomes a foul game of boys and girls trying to stick things in my various openings, rather than pursuing their own creative passions or trying to better themselves in any way. it's disgusting.
i still have so much more i want to get done. if only i didn't need to sleep, ever...
working on music, practicing more, getting serious about it. i have a goal, and the thing i need to keep at [always] is practice. this has always been the case.
a pile up of annoyances and general losing faith in humanity came to a head the past couple days, and it made me realize that i'm a better person now than i was when i moved here. i'm pickier about my company and who i choose to date [which is no one, at the moment]. and i feel good about being alone by choice. i do get lonely, as always, but i do not want to hurt someone again nor be hurt by someone who doesn't know what he/she wants. i just can't deal with it, i feel too exhausted to.
it's funny how last night, something just snapped inside me. and i'm not sure what that thing was, but i just felt DONE. i felt a huge relief. i don't want to spend time with people whose actions i cannot back. and i don't want to be associated with people who will say or think horrible things of others, for no other reason but boredom. i know i am being vague, but there's been a lot that has happened. i just don't have the energy to pour into people that don't have any sense of drive, accomplishment, merit, integrity, honor...the longer i stay celibate, the more gross i find people. it becomes a foul game of boys and girls trying to stick things in my various openings, rather than pursuing their own creative passions or trying to better themselves in any way. it's disgusting.
i still have so much more i want to get done. if only i didn't need to sleep, ever...