Just another "I hate myself" rant.
I am not comfortable in my own skin. It's been 4 months since I had Hayden and I still look gross. The weight flew off at first but then I started getting depressed again.
I also feel like I am alone in this. I wish my husband was around more. It's really not fair to Hayden, he adores his dad. I don't feel like Hayden likes me at all. I wouldn't like me either if I was stuck with myself.
Oh yeah, if you aren't Nicole and you read this blog, we got married on Halloween.
I need to start feeling pretty again. That cunt is always my downfall. Every single time I see her I feel like I need to be prettier. She isn't pretty, she's fake. But still, I think, "well he wanted her so that must be his type." Skinny blonde bitches. Then I start thinking, "he's an ass man. I lost all of the ass I had after Hayden was born." Seriously, what on earth does he see in me? Is it because I am the mother of his child so he feels obligated? I wish she would move far away so I don't have to run into her ever again. She makes me miserable. I can't sleep for weeks after I see her. I stay up thinking about what could have happened if I had left for Indy the night before my baby shower. Or if anything ever happened. What were they always talking about and why did he go out of his way to hide it? What did I do to make him want to flirt with her? It still eats at me all the time and steals any confidence I once had.
I need to get over this. I mean, he married me. That must mean he loves me and only me. Right?
I need a confidence booster. I need a night out of this damn house. I need Hayden to stop crying all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want everything to be okay again. I want July of 2009 back. Things were perfect. I want my husband to make me feel pretty and loved. Sex doesn't count.
I'm done ranting. I should probably try to get my child to stop screaming.
I also feel like I am alone in this. I wish my husband was around more. It's really not fair to Hayden, he adores his dad. I don't feel like Hayden likes me at all. I wouldn't like me either if I was stuck with myself.
Oh yeah, if you aren't Nicole and you read this blog, we got married on Halloween.
I need to start feeling pretty again. That cunt is always my downfall. Every single time I see her I feel like I need to be prettier. She isn't pretty, she's fake. But still, I think, "well he wanted her so that must be his type." Skinny blonde bitches. Then I start thinking, "he's an ass man. I lost all of the ass I had after Hayden was born." Seriously, what on earth does he see in me? Is it because I am the mother of his child so he feels obligated? I wish she would move far away so I don't have to run into her ever again. She makes me miserable. I can't sleep for weeks after I see her. I stay up thinking about what could have happened if I had left for Indy the night before my baby shower. Or if anything ever happened. What were they always talking about and why did he go out of his way to hide it? What did I do to make him want to flirt with her? It still eats at me all the time and steals any confidence I once had.
I need to get over this. I mean, he married me. That must mean he loves me and only me. Right?
I need a confidence booster. I need a night out of this damn house. I need Hayden to stop crying all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want everything to be okay again. I want July of 2009 back. Things were perfect. I want my husband to make me feel pretty and loved. Sex doesn't count.
I'm done ranting. I should probably try to get my child to stop screaming.