just another emo rant
I am really tired of still being pregnant. Everyone keeps saying "you look like you're ready to pop" and "why are you still at work?" If I could have this child right now I would but according to the doctor I am not even dilated yet. And I still have 29 days until he is due.
It's sad because part of me just wants this child out so that I can see the boy in my life. We live together but see each other less than every couple I know. I feel bad because half the time I cancel plans with others just so I can sit at home and watch him read. I think I have slowly sacrificed my sanity. I just want time with him. He tells me he's doing what he has to do to give Hayden a comfortable life and I respect that. But why must it be so hard for me? I'm just a lonely mess. I want my relationship back. I'm tired of staying up until 12:45, sometimes later just so I can see him for a few minutes when he comes home. Especially when I should have been asleep hours before that because I always work early in the mornings. Or to try to get some. Time and sex is something that is rare between us now and I miss it. Maybe when Hayden starts school I will get time with him again. But he wants to try for another kid soon after. Maybe i'm being selfish when I say I don't want another soon after. I keep saying 3 years but even then, I still want to wait longer. I want to be able to slow down after Hayden is born. I want time with him. I want to be able to plan out our wedding and actually try to have it next July. But when we don't even talk anymore I worry. I'm afraid we will just fall away from each other and just be together for Hayden.
Oh well.