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Dialogue between Zeus and Ganymede. The Works of Lucian, Dialogues of the Gods. It is, admittedly, a satire, but it's an ancient satire which is relevent enough for inclusion from me.
Originally transcribed by ladyjaida , but I'm fairly sure you can find it in other forms around the internet. If you're looking for a laugh, you can go here to read her hilarious paraphrasing.
Zeus
Come now, Ganymede. We’ve got there, so you can give me a kiss right away, and you’ll know I’ve no crooked beak now, or sharp claws or wings, as you thought when you took me for a bird.
Ganymede
Mister man, weren’t you an eagle just now? Didn’t you swoop down, and carry me away from the middle of my flock? How, then, have your feathers moulted? You look quite different now.
Zeus
It’s no man you see here, my lad, nor eagle either. No, I’m the king of all the gods, but I’ve changed my shape for the moment.
Ganymede
What’s that? Are you Pan himself? How is it, then, you’ve no pipe or horns or shaggy legs?
Zeus
Is he your only god?
Ganymede
Yes, and we sacrifice one of our best billies to him, taking it to the cave where he has his statue. But you’re just a kidnapper, if you ask me.
Zeus
Tell me, have you never heard the name of Zeus? Never seen his altar on Gargaron-the one who sends rain, thunder and lightning?
Ganymede
Oh, sir, do you mean you’re the one that poured down that tremendous hailstorm on us the other day, the one they say lives up top and makes all the noise, the one my father sacrificed the ram to? What harm have I done you, mister king of the gods, that you’ve carried me off up here? Perhaps the wolves will fall on my sheep now that they’re unprotected, and tear them to pieces.
Zeus
What? Still worrying about your sheep? You’re an immortal now and will be living up here with us.
Ganymede
What’s that? Won’t you be taking me back to Ida today?
Zeus
Of course not. That would mean I’d changed from god to eagle all for nothing.
Ganymede
Then my daddy will be looking everywhere for me and getting cross if he doesn’t find me, and I’ll get a thrashing by and by for leaving my flock.
Zeus
How so? Will he see you?
Ganymede
Please don’t go on with it, for I miss him already. If only you take me back, I promise you you’ll get another ram from him, sacrificed as my ransom. We have the three-year-old one, the big one that leads the way to the pasture.
Zeus
How simple the child is, how innocent he is! Still just a child, that’s what he is. Look here, Ganymede, you can say good-bye to all those things and forget all about them-about your flock and about Ida. You’re one of heaven’s company now, and can do a lot of good to your father and country from here. Instead of your cheese and milk, you’ll have ambrosia to eat and nectar to drink, only you’ll have to serve the nectar to the rest of us too with your own fair hand. And most important of all, you won’t be human any more, but immortal, and I’ll make your own star-the prettiest one shining in the sky-and you’ll enjoy perfect happiness.
Ganymede
But what if I want to play? Who will play with me? There were a lot of us who were of my age on Ida.
Zeus
You have someone to play with here too-there’s Eros over there-and lots and lots of knucklebones as well. Only you must cheer up and be a bit more pleased with life, and stop longing for things below.
Ganymede
But how could I possibly be any use to you? Will I have to look after a flock here too?
Zeus
No, you’ll pour wine, and be in charge of the nectar, looking after us at table.
Ganymede
That’s quite simple. I know how to pour milk, and hand round the milk bowl.
Zeus
There he goes again. Keeps harping on his milk! Thinks he’ll be waiting on men! This is heaven, let me tell you, and, as I said just now, our drink is nectar.
Ganymede
Is that nicer than milk, Zeus?
Zeus
You’ll know very soon, and once you’ve tasted it, you won’t miss your milk any more.
Ganymede
Where shall I sleep at night? With Eros, my playmate?
Zeus
No, that’s why I carried you off up here; I wanted us to sleep together.
Ganymede
Can’t you sleep alone? Will you prefer sleeping with me?
Zeus
Yes, when it’s with a beautiful boy like you.
Ganymede
But how will you sleep better because of my beauty?
Zeus
It’s sweet and soothing, and brings softer sleep.
Ganymede
But Daddy would get annoyed with me when I slept with him, and kept telling us first thing in the morning how he couldn’t sleep for me tossing and turning, kicking out and talking in my sleep; so he usually sent me to sleep with mummy. So, if that’s why you brought me up here, as you say it is, the sooner you put me back down on earth again, the better, or you’ll have a terrible time with sleepless nights. For I’ll be an awful nuisance to you, tossing and turning all night long.
Zeus
That’s just what I’ll like best-staying awake with you, kissing and hugging you again and again.
Ganymede
You can find out by yourself. I’ll go to sleep and leave the kissing to you.
Zeus
We’ll find out how to manage, when the time comes. Take him off now, Hermes, and let him have a draught of immortality, and when you’ve shown him how to offer the cup, bring him back to serve our wine.
Originally transcribed by ladyjaida , but I'm fairly sure you can find it in other forms around the internet. If you're looking for a laugh, you can go here to read her hilarious paraphrasing.
Zeus
Come now, Ganymede. We’ve got there, so you can give me a kiss right away, and you’ll know I’ve no crooked beak now, or sharp claws or wings, as you thought when you took me for a bird.
Ganymede
Mister man, weren’t you an eagle just now? Didn’t you swoop down, and carry me away from the middle of my flock? How, then, have your feathers moulted? You look quite different now.
Zeus
It’s no man you see here, my lad, nor eagle either. No, I’m the king of all the gods, but I’ve changed my shape for the moment.
Ganymede
What’s that? Are you Pan himself? How is it, then, you’ve no pipe or horns or shaggy legs?
Zeus
Is he your only god?
Ganymede
Yes, and we sacrifice one of our best billies to him, taking it to the cave where he has his statue. But you’re just a kidnapper, if you ask me.
Zeus
Tell me, have you never heard the name of Zeus? Never seen his altar on Gargaron-the one who sends rain, thunder and lightning?
Ganymede
Oh, sir, do you mean you’re the one that poured down that tremendous hailstorm on us the other day, the one they say lives up top and makes all the noise, the one my father sacrificed the ram to? What harm have I done you, mister king of the gods, that you’ve carried me off up here? Perhaps the wolves will fall on my sheep now that they’re unprotected, and tear them to pieces.
Zeus
What? Still worrying about your sheep? You’re an immortal now and will be living up here with us.
Ganymede
What’s that? Won’t you be taking me back to Ida today?
Zeus
Of course not. That would mean I’d changed from god to eagle all for nothing.
Ganymede
Then my daddy will be looking everywhere for me and getting cross if he doesn’t find me, and I’ll get a thrashing by and by for leaving my flock.
Zeus
How so? Will he see you?
Ganymede
Please don’t go on with it, for I miss him already. If only you take me back, I promise you you’ll get another ram from him, sacrificed as my ransom. We have the three-year-old one, the big one that leads the way to the pasture.
Zeus
How simple the child is, how innocent he is! Still just a child, that’s what he is. Look here, Ganymede, you can say good-bye to all those things and forget all about them-about your flock and about Ida. You’re one of heaven’s company now, and can do a lot of good to your father and country from here. Instead of your cheese and milk, you’ll have ambrosia to eat and nectar to drink, only you’ll have to serve the nectar to the rest of us too with your own fair hand. And most important of all, you won’t be human any more, but immortal, and I’ll make your own star-the prettiest one shining in the sky-and you’ll enjoy perfect happiness.
Ganymede
But what if I want to play? Who will play with me? There were a lot of us who were of my age on Ida.
Zeus
You have someone to play with here too-there’s Eros over there-and lots and lots of knucklebones as well. Only you must cheer up and be a bit more pleased with life, and stop longing for things below.
Ganymede
But how could I possibly be any use to you? Will I have to look after a flock here too?
Zeus
No, you’ll pour wine, and be in charge of the nectar, looking after us at table.
Ganymede
That’s quite simple. I know how to pour milk, and hand round the milk bowl.
Zeus
There he goes again. Keeps harping on his milk! Thinks he’ll be waiting on men! This is heaven, let me tell you, and, as I said just now, our drink is nectar.
Ganymede
Is that nicer than milk, Zeus?
Zeus
You’ll know very soon, and once you’ve tasted it, you won’t miss your milk any more.
Ganymede
Where shall I sleep at night? With Eros, my playmate?
Zeus
No, that’s why I carried you off up here; I wanted us to sleep together.
Ganymede
Can’t you sleep alone? Will you prefer sleeping with me?
Zeus
Yes, when it’s with a beautiful boy like you.
Ganymede
But how will you sleep better because of my beauty?
Zeus
It’s sweet and soothing, and brings softer sleep.
Ganymede
But Daddy would get annoyed with me when I slept with him, and kept telling us first thing in the morning how he couldn’t sleep for me tossing and turning, kicking out and talking in my sleep; so he usually sent me to sleep with mummy. So, if that’s why you brought me up here, as you say it is, the sooner you put me back down on earth again, the better, or you’ll have a terrible time with sleepless nights. For I’ll be an awful nuisance to you, tossing and turning all night long.
Zeus
That’s just what I’ll like best-staying awake with you, kissing and hugging you again and again.
Ganymede
You can find out by yourself. I’ll go to sleep and leave the kissing to you.
Zeus
We’ll find out how to manage, when the time comes. Take him off now, Hermes, and let him have a draught of immortality, and when you’ve shown him how to offer the cup, bring him back to serve our wine.