(no subject)
I have been slacking on posts.
Blehhh. Must stop that.
My absolute favorite, is laying in bed in the middle of the night with my headphones.
The kind that are big and cover your ears entirely, drowning out any outside sounds.
You can hear every bit of the music you are listening to, so clearly.
Really helps me appreciate the music.
Anyways...
I have had another one of my life altering experiences.
The ones that force me to change the things I had recently been beginning to loathe about myself.
For one, I need to stop thinking I'm special, or significantly important, to people around me.
I have to remember that people are selfish, self-centered, and will crush you, if you give them the power.
Whether they mean to, or not.
I let myself become all too vulnerable sometimes.
I forget the lessons I have learned, and am quickly reminded of them with backlash.
See, people can't hurt you, if you don't give them the ammo to!
If you get too comfortable around people, they learn your weaknesses.
They end up using them against you.
Don't let your guard down!
This may seem very sad.
Sad that I have so many walls and protections.
That I don't get too close to people.
But, it is better this way!
I am so much happier this way!
People ask me, 'why don't you have a best friend?? '
I don't want one!
A best friend, for girls, is someone you give yourself entirely to.
It's almost like getting into a relationship, but with your favorite friend.
That is dangerous!
I've learned, that the more you reveal to someone, the greater power they have to hurt you.
I'm not saying you should become some shelled ice block though. No!
Just give yourself in spoonfuls, not buckets.
I am talking about this, because I had a rude awakening.
I was able to see some of my friends for what their true desires make of them.
Examples:
-He only wants to know the drama, so that he can be special. Tell it over again to eager ears. Be payed attention to.
-He only wants to have fun and forget the negative, at ANY cost. If you get in his way, he'll roll his eyes, ignore you, and relish in your misery later. Judge you. You are easily replaceable to him, as long as he has one focal point of fun. One day you're his favorite jester, the next you're tossed out like an old toy.
-He just wants company for his misery. Someone to exchange his horror stories with. Be equal outcasts.
-She just wants to party. Either contribute, or get the fuck out of the way. She loves to step on others to climb higher.
-He needs to be the center of attention. If you aren't going to help keep him there, then you aren't important, and he doesn't want you around.
Enough.
I've distanced myself from those who have hurt me.
That is all that matters.
More, and more, I become closer to the girl I once was.
The strong one, who could brush off anything, and get back up again.
A face that never faltered.
The hardest lesson I'm teaching myself, I think, is to know when to keep my mouth shut.
Too often I have word vomit.
I get nervous and say way too much. I end up sounding like a fool.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Actually, MOST things are better left unsaid.
If only I could install a real filter.
On a whole different note:
I've been trying to hangout with different people.
I went on a midnight motorcycle ride with Nate.
Man, it was fun.
The stars looked absolutely beautiful.
Also, caught up with Travis and his friend Jake.
I really do get along with boys much better.
I have hardly any girl friends. They're all acquaintances too.
I like it better this way. Less drama.
I'm not really sure what is going on with this post. Haha.
Honestly, I'm just writing as an excuse to avoid sleep and continue listening to music.
I guess all my posts are unorganized, scattered, random, and just confusing to anybody who isn't me.
Then again, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who remembers this journal exists!
Doesn't matter to me either way, if people read this or not.
If you do, you are getting a complete, uncensored glimpse into the real me.
I don't tell anybody the things I freely divulge into this journal.
Odd how things work out that way.
I work so hard to keep my thoughts to myself, to keep people blocked out.
Yet, I voluntarily put all my cards on this livejournal table.
Goodnight Livejournal.
You've been my most loyal friend.
Blehhh. Must stop that.
My absolute favorite, is laying in bed in the middle of the night with my headphones.
The kind that are big and cover your ears entirely, drowning out any outside sounds.
You can hear every bit of the music you are listening to, so clearly.
Really helps me appreciate the music.
Anyways...
I have had another one of my life altering experiences.
The ones that force me to change the things I had recently been beginning to loathe about myself.
For one, I need to stop thinking I'm special, or significantly important, to people around me.
I have to remember that people are selfish, self-centered, and will crush you, if you give them the power.
Whether they mean to, or not.
I let myself become all too vulnerable sometimes.
I forget the lessons I have learned, and am quickly reminded of them with backlash.
See, people can't hurt you, if you don't give them the ammo to!
If you get too comfortable around people, they learn your weaknesses.
They end up using them against you.
Don't let your guard down!
This may seem very sad.
Sad that I have so many walls and protections.
That I don't get too close to people.
But, it is better this way!
I am so much happier this way!
People ask me, 'why don't you have a best friend?? '
I don't want one!
A best friend, for girls, is someone you give yourself entirely to.
It's almost like getting into a relationship, but with your favorite friend.
That is dangerous!
I've learned, that the more you reveal to someone, the greater power they have to hurt you.
I'm not saying you should become some shelled ice block though. No!
Just give yourself in spoonfuls, not buckets.
I am talking about this, because I had a rude awakening.
I was able to see some of my friends for what their true desires make of them.
Examples:
-He only wants to know the drama, so that he can be special. Tell it over again to eager ears. Be payed attention to.
-He only wants to have fun and forget the negative, at ANY cost. If you get in his way, he'll roll his eyes, ignore you, and relish in your misery later. Judge you. You are easily replaceable to him, as long as he has one focal point of fun. One day you're his favorite jester, the next you're tossed out like an old toy.
-He just wants company for his misery. Someone to exchange his horror stories with. Be equal outcasts.
-She just wants to party. Either contribute, or get the fuck out of the way. She loves to step on others to climb higher.
-He needs to be the center of attention. If you aren't going to help keep him there, then you aren't important, and he doesn't want you around.
Enough.
I've distanced myself from those who have hurt me.
That is all that matters.
More, and more, I become closer to the girl I once was.
The strong one, who could brush off anything, and get back up again.
A face that never faltered.
The hardest lesson I'm teaching myself, I think, is to know when to keep my mouth shut.
Too often I have word vomit.
I get nervous and say way too much. I end up sounding like a fool.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Actually, MOST things are better left unsaid.
If only I could install a real filter.
On a whole different note:
I've been trying to hangout with different people.
I went on a midnight motorcycle ride with Nate.
Man, it was fun.
The stars looked absolutely beautiful.
Also, caught up with Travis and his friend Jake.
I really do get along with boys much better.
I have hardly any girl friends. They're all acquaintances too.
I like it better this way. Less drama.
I'm not really sure what is going on with this post. Haha.
Honestly, I'm just writing as an excuse to avoid sleep and continue listening to music.
I guess all my posts are unorganized, scattered, random, and just confusing to anybody who isn't me.
Then again, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who remembers this journal exists!
Doesn't matter to me either way, if people read this or not.
If you do, you are getting a complete, uncensored glimpse into the real me.
I don't tell anybody the things I freely divulge into this journal.
Odd how things work out that way.
I work so hard to keep my thoughts to myself, to keep people blocked out.
Yet, I voluntarily put all my cards on this livejournal table.
Goodnight Livejournal.
You've been my most loyal friend.