how useless can a person get?
I've always had somethign to keep me going and i find my self at a complet standstill with nothing to look forward too. My original summer plans included me going to new york, getting a job, and just clearing my head of nothing. I ended up staying home ALL summer with the exception of going to Wyoming which really isnt going to be that great concidering i am goign with my parents who in all honesty i am so incredibly sick of. I am pretty jelous of Marianne, shes in new york and is gunna have the time of her life, which i should of done. Its like i've forgoten how to socialize, its a pretty scary feeling. My parents signed a contract for someone to buy my house which is pretty cool beacuse my parents say we will have money once the house is sold. Max has been away at school so i've been lonely, just hanging around, nothing special, i went to visit him the other day when i had a mental break down which caused a huge fight in his house, i feel bad because he had no control over me visiting, but i also am upset because i would do anythign for maxs family and they dont treat me nice at all, maxs dad refers to me as company, and his mom thinks i am a threat to his education, it almost hurts my feelings. I am going crazy because its like i am only 18 and everyone keeps talking to me about getting married and having to deal with his family, nows not the time to talk about things like that, he makes me happy, i am not with him for his family, i am with him for him. Its so complicated but yet so simple. College is almost here, i wonder what it will be like, i am gunna rush, never in a million yeras could i imagine my self in a sorority, but i also never thought i would turn so anit social, so heres to bringing Helen back, i guess? Devin still isnt talking to me, i dont know if its that big of a problem its just i wish i really knew what i did to piss him off so much, i mean i understand how he feels, i think, but i dont think i made that much of a mistake unless its something completly different then what i think the real problem is. I was looking through these live journals the other day and some of them are pretty patheitc, but whose to say mine isnt, its like i read some of them, and its all about name droping and who this one knows and that one knows. I read this persons journal the other day and i hear about what all of her friends did or what they are doing, but nothing about her, i really dont care about her that much so it doesnt matter much. Oh so i am doing SFLTC this summer, i am gunna be a councler, i need a nickname, any suggestions, i was thinking somewhere along the lines of Sparkle, or Glitter, somethign shiny, and this is where ya'll come in, i need to give a gift to all of the campers that represents leadership and i have to get 300 of the gifts and spend under $5 so this is my question... What represents leadership to you? get as out there as you possibley can, i am talking very original, and this is if anyone reads this, any how i am getting depressed now, so i am done.