Oh Lordy...
I just thought i know i will write my live journal, im all hippity happy. But im not really anymore. After that err messy entry this morning i thought i would try to be a bit more comprehendable, i noone reads my diary anyhoo, except aimee sometimes and steve when hes having a snoop (then he takes things the wrong way and sulks instead of confronting me). It doesnt bother me really, i really missed the internet the last two weeks but when i got it back i realised that err i didnt have anything i wanted to do on the net, just read my emails and stuff i guess, speak to people on msn. Thats about it. ho hum.
So today, had a bit of an argument with Steve, he didnt come to Barbies house,he wouldnt get on the train, and i was annoyed cos my Barbie offered to pick us up and steve said no no its fine i wamnt to go on the train,i can do it.b But he couldnt and said he would go home instead, so i was annoyed cos he made me late for my train and there was only one an hour and barbie had a place booked for lunch. So off we went (he managed to walk off leaving my front door open but thats another thing all together.
So aimee, if you read this, i am sad cos of you!hehe, nah not in a bad way, i just read your lj post and it made me cry. I spose it makes me think about my mama, what i told you in theletter and stuff, ohhi dont want to write it now. bUT i just want to say that i loveyou and i know you may be sadded right now, and rightfully so, and although it may be hard, next weekend, i shall take care of you and i will try to cheer you, i will take you shopping, i will buy you chocolate brownie milkshakes, and we shall sleep in my bed under your stars and have nice chats. i will give you bee-lovin, you will smile. promise.
im going to have amagic bath, make my lunch for tomorrow and go bed early. My other amy texted today.xxxx
Had nice time with babs, she gave me money and clothes. hmm.
Got home and i spoke to clarkey. He was being off with me cos i was laughing at some girl on RR who is a big brian molko loving loser twat face. he told me off for judging people too quick and was pretty mean and stuff. I was annoyed, but instead of having a huff i decided to try to explain, that it doesnt bother me to be so quick to judge cos i dont think i have ever been wrong. Maybe i lose friends by writing people off too quickly or whatever but i trust my own judgement and rarely doubt that i am making a mistake. I dont think that its black and white, that you either like someone or you dont. Thats not true. STeves friend Katherine for example, i sorta like her, sometimes shes rude and annoying but sometimes shes funny and friendly, and it doesnt bother me, i dont want to be close to her, she doesnt want to be close to me, so hurrah i guess.
I feel lucky sometimes, but sometimes i cry cos i am so lonely. When i feel lucky i realise that i have people i really think are goodies, that are proper nice decent people. It annoys me when Steven surrounds himself with bad people, when he knows they are bad, and pretends not to mind, because then he has people around him. Having people around you is better than being alone right??
No, Wrong! If you arent comfortable being alone then there is no hope!! Its true that if you dont like yourself then noone else will like you. Sure everyoneis alone sometimes, but if you dont ever actually choose to be alone, then you dont properly have time alone to think do you. To sort out YOUR thoughts from those of everyone around you.
God, sometimes i feel old.
So anyway, i was all happy thinking about getting paid and buying presents for people i love. i really want to get barbie sometineg SUPER SPECIAL this year cos i love her so very much, i feel so guilty cos of all the things she gives me. And when she gives me money i always want to say, no i dont want it, you keep it, but lately that would be foolish cos i am overdrawn and stuff and i bet she would insist.
when i do have money, i know it would be silly to give her £20 back or whatever, she doesnt need it, shes rich enough.So i want to give her someting fabulous, not nessercerily expensive but its goodto know i can afford miore if i want.
So today, had a bit of an argument with Steve, he didnt come to Barbies house,he wouldnt get on the train, and i was annoyed cos my Barbie offered to pick us up and steve said no no its fine i wamnt to go on the train,i can do it.b But he couldnt and said he would go home instead, so i was annoyed cos he made me late for my train and there was only one an hour and barbie had a place booked for lunch. So off we went (he managed to walk off leaving my front door open but thats another thing all together.
So aimee, if you read this, i am sad cos of you!hehe, nah not in a bad way, i just read your lj post and it made me cry. I spose it makes me think about my mama, what i told you in theletter and stuff, ohhi dont want to write it now. bUT i just want to say that i loveyou and i know you may be sadded right now, and rightfully so, and although it may be hard, next weekend, i shall take care of you and i will try to cheer you, i will take you shopping, i will buy you chocolate brownie milkshakes, and we shall sleep in my bed under your stars and have nice chats. i will give you bee-lovin, you will smile. promise.
im going to have amagic bath, make my lunch for tomorrow and go bed early. My other amy texted today.xxxx
Had nice time with babs, she gave me money and clothes. hmm.
Got home and i spoke to clarkey. He was being off with me cos i was laughing at some girl on RR who is a big brian molko loving loser twat face. he told me off for judging people too quick and was pretty mean and stuff. I was annoyed, but instead of having a huff i decided to try to explain, that it doesnt bother me to be so quick to judge cos i dont think i have ever been wrong. Maybe i lose friends by writing people off too quickly or whatever but i trust my own judgement and rarely doubt that i am making a mistake. I dont think that its black and white, that you either like someone or you dont. Thats not true. STeves friend Katherine for example, i sorta like her, sometimes shes rude and annoying but sometimes shes funny and friendly, and it doesnt bother me, i dont want to be close to her, she doesnt want to be close to me, so hurrah i guess.
I feel lucky sometimes, but sometimes i cry cos i am so lonely. When i feel lucky i realise that i have people i really think are goodies, that are proper nice decent people. It annoys me when Steven surrounds himself with bad people, when he knows they are bad, and pretends not to mind, because then he has people around him. Having people around you is better than being alone right??
No, Wrong! If you arent comfortable being alone then there is no hope!! Its true that if you dont like yourself then noone else will like you. Sure everyoneis alone sometimes, but if you dont ever actually choose to be alone, then you dont properly have time alone to think do you. To sort out YOUR thoughts from those of everyone around you.
God, sometimes i feel old.
So anyway, i was all happy thinking about getting paid and buying presents for people i love. i really want to get barbie sometineg SUPER SPECIAL this year cos i love her so very much, i feel so guilty cos of all the things she gives me. And when she gives me money i always want to say, no i dont want it, you keep it, but lately that would be foolish cos i am overdrawn and stuff and i bet she would insist.
when i do have money, i know it would be silly to give her £20 back or whatever, she doesnt need it, shes rich enough.So i want to give her someting fabulous, not nessercerily expensive but its goodto know i can afford miore if i want.