Wondering what the dream means
I had an awful dream last night. Usually, the meaning of my dreams are pretty transparent, but I'm having difficulty putting my finger on this one. Typically, if you ask "how did you feel in the dream" and then "what in your life is making you feel that way?", the answer is obvious.
The dream
I was at my old dojang back in Texas, where I first learned Cha Yon Ryu. When I was there, it was a great experience--a real community. The students helped with teaching, cleaning and caring for the dojang. We sweated, laughed and ate together.
In my dream, I went back, and it was awful. The normally spotless blue carpet cared for by students was now a disgusting beige shag, stained and worn with the sweat and filth of students. I was afraid to step onto it barefoot for fear of catching some awful fungal infection. And the carpet only covered half the dojang--the other half was a messy office of piles of papers, dilapidated office furniture and dusty shelving of long-forgotten equipment.
In the dojang, I tried to remember the basic H-pattern walking, but I was having difficulty. Then I was pulled aside for a show--the black belts were going to do something.
It was a grotesque display. Each black belt was horrifically maimed--missing arms, legs, half a body. And the "show" was them running around like drunken rednecks, peeing on each other. I watched in horror, trying to find a polite way to leave, and ended up with a face full of urine.
I bowed out of the dojang, got to the women's locker room, and it was likewise run down. It had been converted to a shared locker room for men and women, and it reeked of neglect. Then I realized that I'd left my clothing in my bag in the dojang, and I didn't have any street clothes or shoes to change into. I didn't care--I finally decided to leave, barefoot, rather than stay in this horrific place that had once been a place of community and comfort for me.
The analysis
Well, I know the dojang setting came from talking to my friend S, who is a big kung fu artist. I'm just trying to figure out which community I'm horrified by and that I feel has been left to fester. Martial arts seems unlikely, since I don't feel that strongly about it. I'm beginning to rejoin the dance community, but again, that experience has been great so far, and I don't feel negatively towards it. I've had conflicting feelings about the poly, kink and sex-positive communities over the years, but again, nothing like the level of pure disgust I felt in the dream.
Hmm. Thoughts?
The dream
I was at my old dojang back in Texas, where I first learned Cha Yon Ryu. When I was there, it was a great experience--a real community. The students helped with teaching, cleaning and caring for the dojang. We sweated, laughed and ate together.
In my dream, I went back, and it was awful. The normally spotless blue carpet cared for by students was now a disgusting beige shag, stained and worn with the sweat and filth of students. I was afraid to step onto it barefoot for fear of catching some awful fungal infection. And the carpet only covered half the dojang--the other half was a messy office of piles of papers, dilapidated office furniture and dusty shelving of long-forgotten equipment.
In the dojang, I tried to remember the basic H-pattern walking, but I was having difficulty. Then I was pulled aside for a show--the black belts were going to do something.
It was a grotesque display. Each black belt was horrifically maimed--missing arms, legs, half a body. And the "show" was them running around like drunken rednecks, peeing on each other. I watched in horror, trying to find a polite way to leave, and ended up with a face full of urine.
I bowed out of the dojang, got to the women's locker room, and it was likewise run down. It had been converted to a shared locker room for men and women, and it reeked of neglect. Then I realized that I'd left my clothing in my bag in the dojang, and I didn't have any street clothes or shoes to change into. I didn't care--I finally decided to leave, barefoot, rather than stay in this horrific place that had once been a place of community and comfort for me.
The analysis
Well, I know the dojang setting came from talking to my friend S, who is a big kung fu artist. I'm just trying to figure out which community I'm horrified by and that I feel has been left to fester. Martial arts seems unlikely, since I don't feel that strongly about it. I'm beginning to rejoin the dance community, but again, that experience has been great so far, and I don't feel negatively towards it. I've had conflicting feelings about the poly, kink and sex-positive communities over the years, but again, nothing like the level of pure disgust I felt in the dream.
Hmm. Thoughts?