The Family Funtime Sensation That's Sweeping The Nation!!!
MICHAEL JACKSON CLUE!!!
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To play Michael Jackson Clue (!!!), one must have the following: 1) The board game Clue; 2) construction paper; and 3) FAR too much time on one’s hands
The rules of Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) are fairly simple. It is based, in structure, upon the “classic” board game entitled "Clue," which some of you may already have some familiarity with.
In the aforementioned "Clue," in order to win the game, players have to figure out the mystery of a murder by bringing certain “clues”--hence is derived the game’s name--involved in the crime together in the single proper grouping through trial-and-error deduction and the process of elimination. These clues include:
1) The Suspect (ex: Colonel Mustard, Madame Peacock, Professor Plum, etc.)
2) The Scene of the Crime (ex: The Lounge, The Study, The Kitchen, The Billiards Room, The Library, etc.)
3) The Weapon (ex: The Candlestick, The Wrench, The Noose, The Knife, etc.)
Were a player to successfully configure said clues into a correct combination, correctly making an “accusation”--rather than simply “suspecting” the elements involved, which would only allow one to further refine her/his elimination processes--to the other players aloud, he or she would, hypothetically, win. The format of the accusation would be phrased as such:
“I accuse PROFESSOR PLUM of the murder, in THE STUDY, with THE KNIFE.”
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Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) is no less simple, except the items--the “clues,” if you will--to be deduced and separated for accusation are altered slightly, in accordance with what Michael would do/has actually DONE in the past. The new categories are as such:
1) The Victim (ex: The 12 Year Old Boy, The 5 Year Old Boy, The 9 1/2 Year Old Boy, The Child Cadaver [aka The “Michael Was Desperate” Victim Card], The Snitch Neighbor Boy, The Adult Male [aka The “Big Little Boy”], & The Woman [aka The “Michael Plays Pretend” Victim Card], etc.
2) The Scene of the Crime (ex: The Llama Pen, The Studio, The Neverland Ranch Ferris Wheel Purposefully Stuck at the Top of Its Circumference by a Well-Paid Lackey, The “Wee Dungeon,” Tito’s Old Room, The McDonald’s Ball Pit, etc.
3) The Weapon (ex: The Elephant Man’s Bones, The Oxygen Chamber, The Triple-Platinum Record, The Sequined Glove, Bubbles the Chimpanzee, The Surgeon’s Mask, etc.)
The format of the slightly-revised accusation would therein be phrased as such:
“I accuse Michael Jackson of the pederasty of the 9 YEAR OLD BOY, in TITO'S OLD ROOM, with THE ELEPHANT MAN'S BONES.”
Beyond the refurbishing of the gaming board itself, and the cards to be chosen as clues, the only OTHER perceptible difference from the original Clue board game would be that the winner would THEN have to go through a lengthy criminal court proceeding, followed by multiple runs through the appellate courts after YEARS of stalled litigation on behest (and out of the pocket) of The Jackson Legal Team in order to prove the obvious validity of HIS [Note: No females of ANY kind can EVER "win"!!!] accusation.
Then the winner of Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) would be paid $50 million and would be shipped under a gag order to a Haitian island where he would, from time to time, be forced--most likely against his will--to take on more “clues” as the defendant saw fit... or whenever said defendant had a low-selling concert in the area, or made a complete JACKASS out of himself at an non-Michael Jackson-related awards ceremony which he attempted to direct toward HIMSELF, and needed a pick-me-up in morale.
And there you have it!!! Michael Jackson Clue!!! It couldn’t be simpler than THAT!!!
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Note: "O.J. Simpson Clue" is just as easy--if not EASIER--of a game to appropriate for home play, though the goal is slightly altered. In "Clue: Juice," as I'm calling it, one needn’t any clues WHATSOEVER to detect the truth; simply the mental acumen of a cat box scooper and a pair of EYES to perceive the blood caked all OVER that filthy, murdering MURDERER!!! ...AND his vehicle... AND his clothes... and his property, golf clubs, and specially-crafted “I See Dead People... IN THE HONEYMOON SUITE!!!” novelty bumper sticker.
____________________
To play Michael Jackson Clue (!!!), one must have the following: 1) The board game Clue; 2) construction paper; and 3) FAR too much time on one’s hands
The rules of Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) are fairly simple. It is based, in structure, upon the “classic” board game entitled "Clue," which some of you may already have some familiarity with.
In the aforementioned "Clue," in order to win the game, players have to figure out the mystery of a murder by bringing certain “clues”--hence is derived the game’s name--involved in the crime together in the single proper grouping through trial-and-error deduction and the process of elimination. These clues include:
1) The Suspect (ex: Colonel Mustard, Madame Peacock, Professor Plum, etc.)
2) The Scene of the Crime (ex: The Lounge, The Study, The Kitchen, The Billiards Room, The Library, etc.)
3) The Weapon (ex: The Candlestick, The Wrench, The Noose, The Knife, etc.)
Were a player to successfully configure said clues into a correct combination, correctly making an “accusation”--rather than simply “suspecting” the elements involved, which would only allow one to further refine her/his elimination processes--to the other players aloud, he or she would, hypothetically, win. The format of the accusation would be phrased as such:
“I accuse PROFESSOR PLUM of the murder, in THE STUDY, with THE KNIFE.”
____________________
____________________
Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) is no less simple, except the items--the “clues,” if you will--to be deduced and separated for accusation are altered slightly, in accordance with what Michael would do/has actually DONE in the past. The new categories are as such:
1) The Victim (ex: The 12 Year Old Boy, The 5 Year Old Boy, The 9 1/2 Year Old Boy, The Child Cadaver [aka The “Michael Was Desperate” Victim Card], The Snitch Neighbor Boy, The Adult Male [aka The “Big Little Boy”], & The Woman [aka The “Michael Plays Pretend” Victim Card], etc.
2) The Scene of the Crime (ex: The Llama Pen, The Studio, The Neverland Ranch Ferris Wheel Purposefully Stuck at the Top of Its Circumference by a Well-Paid Lackey, The “Wee Dungeon,” Tito’s Old Room, The McDonald’s Ball Pit, etc.
3) The Weapon (ex: The Elephant Man’s Bones, The Oxygen Chamber, The Triple-Platinum Record, The Sequined Glove, Bubbles the Chimpanzee, The Surgeon’s Mask, etc.)
The format of the slightly-revised accusation would therein be phrased as such:
“I accuse Michael Jackson of the pederasty of the 9 YEAR OLD BOY, in TITO'S OLD ROOM, with THE ELEPHANT MAN'S BONES.”
Beyond the refurbishing of the gaming board itself, and the cards to be chosen as clues, the only OTHER perceptible difference from the original Clue board game would be that the winner would THEN have to go through a lengthy criminal court proceeding, followed by multiple runs through the appellate courts after YEARS of stalled litigation on behest (and out of the pocket) of The Jackson Legal Team in order to prove the obvious validity of HIS [Note: No females of ANY kind can EVER "win"!!!] accusation.
Then the winner of Michael Jackson Clue (!!!) would be paid $50 million and would be shipped under a gag order to a Haitian island where he would, from time to time, be forced--most likely against his will--to take on more “clues” as the defendant saw fit... or whenever said defendant had a low-selling concert in the area, or made a complete JACKASS out of himself at an non-Michael Jackson-related awards ceremony which he attempted to direct toward HIMSELF, and needed a pick-me-up in morale.
And there you have it!!! Michael Jackson Clue!!! It couldn’t be simpler than THAT!!!
____________________
Note: "O.J. Simpson Clue" is just as easy--if not EASIER--of a game to appropriate for home play, though the goal is slightly altered. In "Clue: Juice," as I'm calling it, one needn’t any clues WHATSOEVER to detect the truth; simply the mental acumen of a cat box scooper and a pair of EYES to perceive the blood caked all OVER that filthy, murdering MURDERER!!! ...AND his vehicle... AND his clothes... and his property, golf clubs, and specially-crafted “I See Dead People... IN THE HONEYMOON SUITE!!!” novelty bumper sticker.