vanessa actually made me want to update. thanks, fabulous. <3
as much as i do want to update... i'm not feeling really inspired this morning to post some spectacular story of my life. i'm at work an hour early because i still get rides from my stepmom and she had to be at work at nine.
if i get caught, i'll probably get into trouble being on livejournal.
i have been clean for 111 days. i think.
july 15th was my ninety days.
so something like that. i don't feel like making sure my counting was right.
i'm back in florida with my amazing dad who has the same addiction as i do.
he's been clean for years so he's an amazing support. he's my inspiration every day.
i can walk to the beach if i wanted.
but i prefer to ride a bike because i have to cross this huge, florida bridge and i don't know if you guys know florida bridges but they're extremely long.
i am no longer in that horror of a relationship i was in. i felt like sid and nancy. and as much as i glamorized and glorified that lifestyle before, i don't want it now. it's not glamorous. showering every day is glamorous. taking care and taking pride in yourself is glamorous. the whole, "i don't give a fuck" attitude is not healthy. it's important to give a fuck. obviously there's still certain things that i could wave my middle finger at, but that's everybody.
---so while michael is contracting stds, mainly herpes from his new girl that he left me for.. i... am at a new beginning with somebody from my past. and can i just say that it is fabulous ? absolutely fabulous ?
he is more than a step up from michael, he is like.. the entire staircase.
he gets me.
entirely. every inch and thought of mine, he feels too.
and not only does he get it, but he loves it.
his words and his feelings towards me, and just him in general, is what i have always fantasized about in a relationship. as a kid and now.
the things he says to me are just.. god, i can't even put my thoughts into words. it really is like a dream.
he sang to me last night on the phone and i just layed there on my side with a huge smile on my face and my eyes closed. i could've stayed like that forever.
he'll be here tomorrow night and i am feeling so many feelings about it.
butterflies, nervousness, giddy, goosebumps, the whole shibang.
i can't believe i'm going to share my first kiss with him tomorrow night.
looking back on where we used to be and now ? it's just insane.
i feel like the boy who cried wolf when i describe how i feel about him.
because i tricked myself in the past to believe that that was how i was feeling about my exs.. maybe because it's what i wanted so badly ? and i thought it was happening ? i had doubts on the inside, but i put up a good front.
this time it's real.
it has to be.
i have not one doubt in my mind.
love is such an important thing.
why would anyone deny themselves from it ?
i have like ten minutes before i go on.
and i want a cigarette before i start.
life is fabulous.
if i get caught, i'll probably get into trouble being on livejournal.
i have been clean for 111 days. i think.
july 15th was my ninety days.
so something like that. i don't feel like making sure my counting was right.
i'm back in florida with my amazing dad who has the same addiction as i do.
he's been clean for years so he's an amazing support. he's my inspiration every day.
i can walk to the beach if i wanted.
but i prefer to ride a bike because i have to cross this huge, florida bridge and i don't know if you guys know florida bridges but they're extremely long.
i am no longer in that horror of a relationship i was in. i felt like sid and nancy. and as much as i glamorized and glorified that lifestyle before, i don't want it now. it's not glamorous. showering every day is glamorous. taking care and taking pride in yourself is glamorous. the whole, "i don't give a fuck" attitude is not healthy. it's important to give a fuck. obviously there's still certain things that i could wave my middle finger at, but that's everybody.
---so while michael is contracting stds, mainly herpes from his new girl that he left me for.. i... am at a new beginning with somebody from my past. and can i just say that it is fabulous ? absolutely fabulous ?
he is more than a step up from michael, he is like.. the entire staircase.
he gets me.
entirely. every inch and thought of mine, he feels too.
and not only does he get it, but he loves it.
his words and his feelings towards me, and just him in general, is what i have always fantasized about in a relationship. as a kid and now.
the things he says to me are just.. god, i can't even put my thoughts into words. it really is like a dream.
he sang to me last night on the phone and i just layed there on my side with a huge smile on my face and my eyes closed. i could've stayed like that forever.
he'll be here tomorrow night and i am feeling so many feelings about it.
butterflies, nervousness, giddy, goosebumps, the whole shibang.
i can't believe i'm going to share my first kiss with him tomorrow night.
looking back on where we used to be and now ? it's just insane.
i feel like the boy who cried wolf when i describe how i feel about him.
because i tricked myself in the past to believe that that was how i was feeling about my exs.. maybe because it's what i wanted so badly ? and i thought it was happening ? i had doubts on the inside, but i put up a good front.
this time it's real.
it has to be.
i have not one doubt in my mind.
love is such an important thing.
why would anyone deny themselves from it ?
i have like ten minutes before i go on.
and i want a cigarette before i start.
life is fabulous.