Crossing the Line/O.T.T. Part 14/15
Title: Crossing the Line/O.T.T. (Part 14/15)
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: adam/kris
Summary: Set between the Idol finale and the start of the summer tour. Adam gets too much attention from a few of his “adoring” fans
Disclaimer: I do not own the people involved. This story does not depict the majority of Adam’s fans - idea brought on by stalker incident in Tampa.
Warnings: language, angst, violence, anxiety issues. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS. I don’t know if it’s classified as non-con but Adam didn’t want the kind of attention he was given - recalled in conversation, remembrances.
Deb’s notes: If you haven’t noticed yet from the title, there is one more chapter after this. I think I’ve made poor Adam and Kris suffer enough and its time to let them get on with living. Sorry if parts of this chapter sound clinical but I didn’t want to rehash everything again by writing long, drawn out therapy sessions. However, I did want to give you a taste of what lay in store for him. The info Kris is looking at is the same info I used to add authenticity to this chapter. I hope this doesn't feel like a cop out.
PART FOURTEEN
Adam heard voices talking quietly in the distance. One voice was familiar, the other was new - neither one was Kris. He heard words like ‘flashback’, ‘disorder’, ‘hospital’. Adam opened his eyes.
The man and woman talking were on the couch. They were caught up in their conversation, not noticing he had woken up. Adam took in the room. It was a mess, like a whirlwind had swept through. He searched for Kris, listened for Kris - he was gone.
His head felt like it was going to explode and his body ached, like he’d gone up against a quarterback and lost. Something wasn’t right. He was supposed to be a nightclub with his friends, laughing and drinking and dancing. Where were they? Where was Kris?
“What’s going on?”
His voice took the couple by surprise and they switched their attention to him.
“Dr. Keeling? What are you doing here?” Adam’s eyes ventured to the stranger. She saw his reaction.
“Adam, this is Dr. Evans. Kris called us. We’re both here to help you.”
“Help me? Why do I need help? Where’s Kris?” His heart began racing.
“Calm down son,” Dr. Evans said, his voice kind. “Kris just stepped out for a few minutes. He’ll be right back.
“Why did he call you?”
“Adam, I know you have lots of questions and you’ll get your answers. First though, how are you feeling right now?”
Adam sat up, pushing himself back to rest against the headboard. “I feel okay, I guess, but I’m sore and have a killer headache.”
“That’s understandable. How you feeling in here?” Dr. Evans asked, tapping his head.
“Aside from the headache?”
The doctors smiled.
“Yes, aside from the headache,” Dr. Keeling replied.
“I don’t know. What am I suppose to be feeling?”
“Do you remember anything that happened after you came back to your room?”
Adam had to think. His memory was fuzzy.
“I wanted to freshen up - hair, make up, clothes, my usual stuff - and the…phone rang. I wasn’t going to pick it up, didn’t want to keep everyone waiting, but it kept ringing so I did. Oh man, who was it that called….um…it was…the police. Yeah, the guy asked for Kris, I asked if there was a message and he told me…”
“What did he tell you Adam?”
“He told me the judge let them go.” No, he couldn’t be remembering it right.
“Let who go?”
“Those…bitches… the ones who attacked me. They were given a fine and let go.”
A single tear ran down his cheek but he didn’t break. Maybe he’d reached his limit.
“How did that make you feel?”
“I, I couldn’t believe it…I still don’t believe it. How could they get away with this?”
Dr. Keeling sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know Adam, it’s not fair.”
“No it’s not.” He started to piece together what happened next. “I told myself this was never going to end, that I’d never be free and then,” he searched their eyes, “I felt like I was back…in that room…someone was trying to break the door down…I was surrounded by people yelling at me, reaching for me. And then Kris was there…I was terrified for him…he’s not hurt is he?”
“He’s fine, just worried about you.”
“He’s always worried about me lately. Dr. Keeling, Dr. Evans, what’s happening with me? Am I going crazy?”
“No son, you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress.”
“Post-traumatic… so I am going crazy.”
“What you’re experiencing is a normal person’s reaction to an abnormal situation. After loosing your sense of safety and trust, it’s normal to feel crazy, disconnected and numb. You haven’t dealt with the situation and so you’re still in psychological shock. You need to face your memories and deal with your emotions.”
“And so, what, that call…”
“…triggered a flashback, a very strong emotional flashback. Is this the first one?”
“Well, I’ve had nightmares but they were going away.” He recalled another minor flashback; he couldn’t look them in the face, embarrassed, chewing on his bottom lip and biting his nails. “Kris and I are getting…close…and he, he touched me…intimately…and I screamed at him and pulled away. I apologized immediately and he told me he understood. Does this mean that every time someone I…care for…wants to get … close…I’m not going to be able to without remembering?”
“For a short while, perhaps, but once you can separate the two situations, you’ll be able to give yourself freely…and enjoy it.”
Adam gave a nervous laugh as Kris returned.
“Hey, you’re awake. I brought you this - green tea - I know it relaxes you.”
Adam reached out his hand and Kris allowed himself to curl up next to his dear friend on the bed. Adam took the tea and thanked Kris with a sweet kiss.
“Adam!” Kris whispered, embarrassed. “Not in front of company.”
“Prude. I’m not hiding anything from my doctors…not anymore.”
The talking continued for nearly an hour, both Adam and Kris having their questions answered. Adam couldn’t believe what went down with him earlier. Kris apologized to Adam for thinking he could help him on his own even though he knew better. Dr. Evans told Adam they would start counseling sessions in the morning. Kris was asked to attend some of the sessions as he was the closest person to Adam at the moment and would need to learn how to help him cope - the right way.
--*--
Adam had insisted on apologizing to everyone before he could rest. He was overwhelmed at their support - even the security team apologized in turn for their part and they seemed relieved when Adam expressed no ill-will towards them.
He felt really ashamed at what he had done to Goliath - Adam recalled smashing a lamp over the poor guy’s head, thinking Goliath was going to attack him. Goliath just hugged him and assured Adam he had been hit by worse - he was just glad Adam was going to be okay. Adam asked his bodyguard if he would be willing to stay on for the duration of the tour; he’d feel safer with someone who cared about. Goliath said he’d be honored to stay on with them.
It had been a rough night for both of them. The boys stretched out on the bed and Adam
soon drifted off. Kris slipped out from under Adam’s arm and pulled out his laptop. He googled PTSD.
He found a website that educated the public on symptoms, treatment and self-help. He read through the symptoms - Adam had experienced many of them. There was a section on finding a therapist. It said the therapist should make you feel comfortable and safe, respected and understood. Adam and Dr. Evans seemed to get along very well. Dr. Keeling told Kris on the way out she believed this doctor and patient were a good match. Kris had come to respect Dr. Keeling’s judgment.
Kris scrolled down and found info on treatments for PTSD. He saw a description of the therapy Dr. Evan’s planned on using. He read it to himself: ‘Cognitive-behavioral therapy for PTSD and trauma involves carefully and gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts, feelings, and situations that remind you of the trauma. Therapy also involves identifying upsetting thoughts about the traumatic event-particularly thoughts that are distorted and irrational-and replacing them with more balanced picture.’
It sounded promising. It meant to Kris that Adam would learn to enjoy his future stardom by realizing those who hurt him are merely a speck of sand in the grand scheme of things and that the good brightly outshone - and outnumbered - the bad.
Recovery was going to be an ongoing issue and the memories of that terrible day wouldn’t completely go away. Adam would learn ways of helping himself cope when those feelings started to overwhelm him again. He would be taught it wasn’t a weakness to reach out to his loved ones for support, and to challenge feelings of helplessness. It would also be recommended to Adam to avoid alcohol and drugs as ways to escape his fears, making things worse in the long run. Kris wasn’t concerned about the drugs but Adam wasn’t going to like forgoing a shot or two when partying.
Kris picked up some tips for himself as well - be patient and understanding as Adam will need a sympathetic ear and may need to keep rehashing the event to process it; try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers - if he (and their friends) know what could cause a reaction, they’d be better prepared to help; don’t take the symptoms personally such as emotional numbness, anger, withdrawal, distance, and irritability; and finally not to pressure Adam into talking about it when he doesn’t want to.
Kris bookmarked the site and emailed it to their closest friends. Working together, they’d get Adam through it.
“Kris?”
“I’m here.”
Kris logged off and crawled into bed beside Adam, drawing the blankets over them. Adam rested his head on Kris’ chest, arm draped over his waist. Kris wrapped an arm around Adam’s back and his other hand grasped Adam’s.
Humming “We Are the Champions”, Kris closed his eyes and let sleep over take him.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Warmth. Comfort. Peace.
Author: cunningdeb
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: adam/kris
Summary: Set between the Idol finale and the start of the summer tour. Adam gets too much attention from a few of his “adoring” fans
Disclaimer: I do not own the people involved. This story does not depict the majority of Adam’s fans - idea brought on by stalker incident in Tampa.
Warnings: language, angst, violence, anxiety issues. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS. I don’t know if it’s classified as non-con but Adam didn’t want the kind of attention he was given - recalled in conversation, remembrances.
Deb’s notes: If you haven’t noticed yet from the title, there is one more chapter after this. I think I’ve made poor Adam and Kris suffer enough and its time to let them get on with living. Sorry if parts of this chapter sound clinical but I didn’t want to rehash everything again by writing long, drawn out therapy sessions. However, I did want to give you a taste of what lay in store for him. The info Kris is looking at is the same info I used to add authenticity to this chapter. I hope this doesn't feel like a cop out.
PART FOURTEEN
Adam heard voices talking quietly in the distance. One voice was familiar, the other was new - neither one was Kris. He heard words like ‘flashback’, ‘disorder’, ‘hospital’. Adam opened his eyes.
The man and woman talking were on the couch. They were caught up in their conversation, not noticing he had woken up. Adam took in the room. It was a mess, like a whirlwind had swept through. He searched for Kris, listened for Kris - he was gone.
His head felt like it was going to explode and his body ached, like he’d gone up against a quarterback and lost. Something wasn’t right. He was supposed to be a nightclub with his friends, laughing and drinking and dancing. Where were they? Where was Kris?
“What’s going on?”
His voice took the couple by surprise and they switched their attention to him.
“Dr. Keeling? What are you doing here?” Adam’s eyes ventured to the stranger. She saw his reaction.
“Adam, this is Dr. Evans. Kris called us. We’re both here to help you.”
“Help me? Why do I need help? Where’s Kris?” His heart began racing.
“Calm down son,” Dr. Evans said, his voice kind. “Kris just stepped out for a few minutes. He’ll be right back.
“Why did he call you?”
“Adam, I know you have lots of questions and you’ll get your answers. First though, how are you feeling right now?”
Adam sat up, pushing himself back to rest against the headboard. “I feel okay, I guess, but I’m sore and have a killer headache.”
“That’s understandable. How you feeling in here?” Dr. Evans asked, tapping his head.
“Aside from the headache?”
The doctors smiled.
“Yes, aside from the headache,” Dr. Keeling replied.
“I don’t know. What am I suppose to be feeling?”
“Do you remember anything that happened after you came back to your room?”
Adam had to think. His memory was fuzzy.
“I wanted to freshen up - hair, make up, clothes, my usual stuff - and the…phone rang. I wasn’t going to pick it up, didn’t want to keep everyone waiting, but it kept ringing so I did. Oh man, who was it that called….um…it was…the police. Yeah, the guy asked for Kris, I asked if there was a message and he told me…”
“What did he tell you Adam?”
“He told me the judge let them go.” No, he couldn’t be remembering it right.
“Let who go?”
“Those…bitches… the ones who attacked me. They were given a fine and let go.”
A single tear ran down his cheek but he didn’t break. Maybe he’d reached his limit.
“How did that make you feel?”
“I, I couldn’t believe it…I still don’t believe it. How could they get away with this?”
Dr. Keeling sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t know Adam, it’s not fair.”
“No it’s not.” He started to piece together what happened next. “I told myself this was never going to end, that I’d never be free and then,” he searched their eyes, “I felt like I was back…in that room…someone was trying to break the door down…I was surrounded by people yelling at me, reaching for me. And then Kris was there…I was terrified for him…he’s not hurt is he?”
“He’s fine, just worried about you.”
“He’s always worried about me lately. Dr. Keeling, Dr. Evans, what’s happening with me? Am I going crazy?”
“No son, you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress.”
“Post-traumatic… so I am going crazy.”
“What you’re experiencing is a normal person’s reaction to an abnormal situation. After loosing your sense of safety and trust, it’s normal to feel crazy, disconnected and numb. You haven’t dealt with the situation and so you’re still in psychological shock. You need to face your memories and deal with your emotions.”
“And so, what, that call…”
“…triggered a flashback, a very strong emotional flashback. Is this the first one?”
“Well, I’ve had nightmares but they were going away.” He recalled another minor flashback; he couldn’t look them in the face, embarrassed, chewing on his bottom lip and biting his nails. “Kris and I are getting…close…and he, he touched me…intimately…and I screamed at him and pulled away. I apologized immediately and he told me he understood. Does this mean that every time someone I…care for…wants to get … close…I’m not going to be able to without remembering?”
“For a short while, perhaps, but once you can separate the two situations, you’ll be able to give yourself freely…and enjoy it.”
Adam gave a nervous laugh as Kris returned.
“Hey, you’re awake. I brought you this - green tea - I know it relaxes you.”
Adam reached out his hand and Kris allowed himself to curl up next to his dear friend on the bed. Adam took the tea and thanked Kris with a sweet kiss.
“Adam!” Kris whispered, embarrassed. “Not in front of company.”
“Prude. I’m not hiding anything from my doctors…not anymore.”
The talking continued for nearly an hour, both Adam and Kris having their questions answered. Adam couldn’t believe what went down with him earlier. Kris apologized to Adam for thinking he could help him on his own even though he knew better. Dr. Evans told Adam they would start counseling sessions in the morning. Kris was asked to attend some of the sessions as he was the closest person to Adam at the moment and would need to learn how to help him cope - the right way.
--*--
Adam had insisted on apologizing to everyone before he could rest. He was overwhelmed at their support - even the security team apologized in turn for their part and they seemed relieved when Adam expressed no ill-will towards them.
He felt really ashamed at what he had done to Goliath - Adam recalled smashing a lamp over the poor guy’s head, thinking Goliath was going to attack him. Goliath just hugged him and assured Adam he had been hit by worse - he was just glad Adam was going to be okay. Adam asked his bodyguard if he would be willing to stay on for the duration of the tour; he’d feel safer with someone who cared about. Goliath said he’d be honored to stay on with them.
It had been a rough night for both of them. The boys stretched out on the bed and Adam
soon drifted off. Kris slipped out from under Adam’s arm and pulled out his laptop. He googled PTSD.
He found a website that educated the public on symptoms, treatment and self-help. He read through the symptoms - Adam had experienced many of them. There was a section on finding a therapist. It said the therapist should make you feel comfortable and safe, respected and understood. Adam and Dr. Evans seemed to get along very well. Dr. Keeling told Kris on the way out she believed this doctor and patient were a good match. Kris had come to respect Dr. Keeling’s judgment.
Kris scrolled down and found info on treatments for PTSD. He saw a description of the therapy Dr. Evan’s planned on using. He read it to himself: ‘Cognitive-behavioral therapy for PTSD and trauma involves carefully and gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts, feelings, and situations that remind you of the trauma. Therapy also involves identifying upsetting thoughts about the traumatic event-particularly thoughts that are distorted and irrational-and replacing them with more balanced picture.’
It sounded promising. It meant to Kris that Adam would learn to enjoy his future stardom by realizing those who hurt him are merely a speck of sand in the grand scheme of things and that the good brightly outshone - and outnumbered - the bad.
Recovery was going to be an ongoing issue and the memories of that terrible day wouldn’t completely go away. Adam would learn ways of helping himself cope when those feelings started to overwhelm him again. He would be taught it wasn’t a weakness to reach out to his loved ones for support, and to challenge feelings of helplessness. It would also be recommended to Adam to avoid alcohol and drugs as ways to escape his fears, making things worse in the long run. Kris wasn’t concerned about the drugs but Adam wasn’t going to like forgoing a shot or two when partying.
Kris picked up some tips for himself as well - be patient and understanding as Adam will need a sympathetic ear and may need to keep rehashing the event to process it; try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers - if he (and their friends) know what could cause a reaction, they’d be better prepared to help; don’t take the symptoms personally such as emotional numbness, anger, withdrawal, distance, and irritability; and finally not to pressure Adam into talking about it when he doesn’t want to.
Kris bookmarked the site and emailed it to their closest friends. Working together, they’d get Adam through it.
“Kris?”
“I’m here.”
Kris logged off and crawled into bed beside Adam, drawing the blankets over them. Adam rested his head on Kris’ chest, arm draped over his waist. Kris wrapped an arm around Adam’s back and his other hand grasped Adam’s.
Humming “We Are the Champions”, Kris closed his eyes and let sleep over take him.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Warmth. Comfort. Peace.