(no subject)
I made the decision to get a massage tonight. A full hour of deep tissue and relaxation. This is totally overdue. I find that I am happiest when I write, and most nervous when I've got a lot to do or when something of mine is going to be read in a group. There is a part of me that is slipping away the more I work in the technology industry. My creative spirit only barely comes through, it's pulse is weak and strained. I find that I am more comfortable with my words when I have written them on paper and not typed them up on a computer. This morning I wished that I had nothing. Perhaps it was because of the mercedes that drove next to me, and the feeling of entitlement that person must feel, and how if we all had nothing, there wouldn't be a feeling of entitlement. It could be that I am just tired of the ways of this world. Tired of the position of women in this world, tired of the fact that we'd all just rather look pretty and have nice things than to emancipate ourselves. We don't stand together. I've just been thinking about things like these and realizing that the problem is bigger than we imagine. My life is pretty uncertain as it is. Not having much hope for the future doesn't help. Sometimes the more I learn the more wrinkles and frown lines I get. I know I can never be 22 again. Sometimes I wish that I could live like that again. It was so nice, the ignorance.