Unfinished Handbook
1.) Writing a handbook on anything pertaining to anything in which you consider yourself an expert is a terrible idea. Don't do it. Not only will everyone know your secrets, but they will also know you're navel gazing enough to have an expurgated version of your life philosophies.
2.) Ignore self-doubt and write exactly what you want to write in your journal. Those who don't scroll can consider it their own damned fault for proceeding. But do yourself a favour and write from the heart. It feels better.
3.) If a song lyric stirs within you utter recognition and identification to the extent that you feel grateful and amazed that someone has been able to perfectly express this spiralling screwpath to the black hole in your soul, rather than quote it directly, stop typing immediately and consider the fact that just about everybody feels shit some of the time and exit the building immediately to find yourself a good time.
4.) Try not to write sentences so long that they take up three full lines in your editor before the full stop.
5.) Make and keep at least one friend who plays the straight man to your yukking Vaudevillean clown. Have the courtesy to run off in mock terror when they chase you after you metaphorically spray seltzer in their face, even if you can snap them in half with one hand because they insist on foregoing chicken wings for mixed leaf salad every. single. time.
6.) See how many naked bodies you can find in the clouds. Invite one of them for tea and make them your muse of the week. Question your sanity after you've produced something and not before. Try to make it not twee enough to fit into a tiny little hardback book like they sell at the register at Border's. It's your responsibility for your muse to be dirty enough to produce something true to who you are or want to be.
7.) Invent personas, complete with names and histories, for every social situation you can think of, just in case. For example, my graffiti artist alter-ego name is Panic Eleftheriou and I work mainly in stencils that I cut out by hand from my own drawings, but I can freehand with a can of Krylon if the mood strikes.
8.) Learn all of the words to at least one old school rap song and be ready to arm and discharge the fucker at a moment's notice when you wear your new Kangol lid. I don't care who you are, that is fucking impressive.
9.) Learn something about absolutely everything that even remotely interests you. When you meet someone that really interests you, chances are they'll know about something that really interests you. Presto, conversation.
10.) Would you be a love and get me some ibuprofen? Ta.
London is beautiful, and I'm revving up for my play. Don't worry about a thing, kitten, not today.
2.) Ignore self-doubt and write exactly what you want to write in your journal. Those who don't scroll can consider it their own damned fault for proceeding. But do yourself a favour and write from the heart. It feels better.
3.) If a song lyric stirs within you utter recognition and identification to the extent that you feel grateful and amazed that someone has been able to perfectly express this spiralling screwpath to the black hole in your soul, rather than quote it directly, stop typing immediately and consider the fact that just about everybody feels shit some of the time and exit the building immediately to find yourself a good time.
4.) Try not to write sentences so long that they take up three full lines in your editor before the full stop.
5.) Make and keep at least one friend who plays the straight man to your yukking Vaudevillean clown. Have the courtesy to run off in mock terror when they chase you after you metaphorically spray seltzer in their face, even if you can snap them in half with one hand because they insist on foregoing chicken wings for mixed leaf salad every. single. time.
6.) See how many naked bodies you can find in the clouds. Invite one of them for tea and make them your muse of the week. Question your sanity after you've produced something and not before. Try to make it not twee enough to fit into a tiny little hardback book like they sell at the register at Border's. It's your responsibility for your muse to be dirty enough to produce something true to who you are or want to be.
7.) Invent personas, complete with names and histories, for every social situation you can think of, just in case. For example, my graffiti artist alter-ego name is Panic Eleftheriou and I work mainly in stencils that I cut out by hand from my own drawings, but I can freehand with a can of Krylon if the mood strikes.
8.) Learn all of the words to at least one old school rap song and be ready to arm and discharge the fucker at a moment's notice when you wear your new Kangol lid. I don't care who you are, that is fucking impressive.
9.) Learn something about absolutely everything that even remotely interests you. When you meet someone that really interests you, chances are they'll know about something that really interests you. Presto, conversation.
10.) Would you be a love and get me some ibuprofen? Ta.
London is beautiful, and I'm revving up for my play. Don't worry about a thing, kitten, not today.