MiniNaNoWriMo: ficlet 14
They were finally putting Chicago behind them, moving on to the next state and the next hunt. Sam was riding shotgun, deep in thought. The insight he’d gained into his brother’s psyche over the past week was nearly overwhelming.
His brother’s antics had managed to anger, amuse and depress him simultaneously, though he was starting to suspect that this was exactly how family was supposed to make you feel. The family Winchester: unconventional but actually normal. The irony of that discovery and its genesis wasn’t lost on him.
“Yo, Rodin,” Dean barked, snapping Sam back to the present. “Sorry to interrupt your ‘Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey’ session over there, but we’re coming up on the last speck of civilization for the next couple hundred miles. So, if you want something more to eat than beef jerky and sunflower seeds, now’s the time to speak up.”
Sam looked up to see the ‘Exit to downtown Lanford’ sign up ahead. “I could eat now,” he said. “Sure.”
Dean took the turn off the highway and onto the town’s main street. “Any preferences?” he asked.
“Not really,” Sam replied, scrunching up his nose. “But I think we should avoid Rodbell’s.”
“Yeah, it’s not worth risking a reunion with that crazy waitress from last time,” Dean chuckled, recalling their last visit here.
Their waitress, a hefty woman with bad hair and an even worse attitude, had forgotten to bring them their ketchup, so Sam went to the counter to ask for some. All the servers were busy with the lunch rush, so it was the manager who responded to his request.
Instead of simply bringing the desired condiments to the table and letting it go, the manager decided that this would be the perfect time to school the waitress on her responsibilities. Sam and Dean had sat awkwardly in their seats as their server was called over.
When she joined arrived at the table, the manager proceeded to berate her for her laziness, attack her competence, belittle her personal skills, and was generally as patronizing and condescending as possible. The waitress, likely a frazzled and over-worked mother, decided she’d had enough of his crap and proceeded to tell him so, in the loudest manner she could muster.
The luncheonette’s customers were treated not only to this verbal tirade, but after proclaiming that she was without question “fired for insubordination and gross negligence”, they were witness to a colourful (and messy) attack.
The waitress had picked up the bottle of ketchup and dumped it over the manager’s head. Suffice it to say, that was only the first in a long list items that both the waitress and the manager ended up wearing.
Both brothers were simultaneously awed and terrified by the waitress’s behaviour. If her pie throwing skills were any indicator, Dean would bet money that she’d make one hell of a hunter, regardless of her age and weight.
She was driven by pure passion and fury. She’d probably scare the shit out of the ghosts (or at least annoy the hell out of ‘em), forcing them to self-destruct as a means of getting away from her.
Dean and Sam had managed to keep out of the line of fire (and their bill) by waiting until the fighters were distracted and making a run for it. Although it really wasn’t his fault, Sam still felt guilty that the woman had been fired and going there would be traumatic. Dean was more concerned that they’d be remembered for their dine-and-dash and be obliged to pay, with interest.
“Last chance to change your mind about Rodbell’s,” Dean teased as they drove past the department store.
“I’m going to stick with my original decision on that one,” Sam replied.
“What was the name of that other place we liked?”
“Molly’s or maybe it was Maggie’s? I can’t remember. It’s been a while.”
“Want to go there?”
“Sure.”
Dean took the next corner, hoping he remembered the way.
As the boy’s approached the corner where the diner should be, they immediately noticed a change. Gone was the gaudy Molly’s sign with its blinking and burnt out yellow light bulbs. In it’s place was a simple and straightforward sign advertising the ‘Lanford Lunchbox.’
“Huh,” Dean mused. “Wonder when that happened?”
“As long as the food is good and the cutlery is clean, I’m happy,” Sam replied.
They parked the car on the street and they walked in to the restaurant. Once inside, Dean was excited to discover that the specialty of the house was loose meat sandwiches. He was practically bouncing he was so excited.
“Dude, I haven’t had loose meat in forever!”
Sam didn’t hate loose meat, but he didn’t think it really justified the level of excitement Dean was maintaining. “Did you get dropped on your head a lot when you were a kid?” he teased.
“No, but I dropped you on yours a few times,” Dean shot back.
“Hey, why don’t you boys take a seat and I’ll with you in a minute,” instructed one of the staff, a curvy girl with long bleach blonde hair and heavily glossed ruby lips.
Dean whistled low as they took their seats. “Check that out Sammy,” Dean leered, looking back at the waitress over his shoulder. “You do not see an ass like that everyday.”
Sam rolled his eyes in response. “And you probably won’t see another one again if you don’t stop staring.”
Right at that moment she turned towards the table and caught them watching her. With a twinkle in her eye, she tilted her head back a little, exposing her long neck. She licked her lips slowly, then trailed her fingers down her neck into the vee of her cleavage.
“Dude,” Dean whispered. “I swear, she looks just like this chick I saw in a porno once, the things she could do with that tongue Sammy, she-“
“I don’t want to know,” Sam cried, cutting him off. Dean opened his mouth the say something, but again, Sam interrupted. “Just don’t!”
A few seconds later, the waitress appeared at their table with two glasses of ice water. “I thought you might want something to cool you down,” she murmured, never taking her eyes of Dean. Sam cleared his throat.
She winked at him and pulled out a pad of paper and pencil. “So, what can I do for you?” she asked, inserting the end of the pencil into her mouth sensually.
Dean gave her his most charming grin. “I’ll have a large loose meat with extra cheese sauce please, and a Coke.”
She turned to Sam. “And you?”
“I’ll have the same, no extra sauce,” he ordered. “And I’ll have a Coke too.”
“Be back in jiff,” she promised, and went to place their order, hips swaying like a porch swing.
“Mmm,” Dean groaned. “I’d like a piece of that pie.”
“Maybe she’ll let you get some to go,” Sam muttered under his breath.
“Seriously though, she looks exactly like the chick from the movie.”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Sam suggested sarcastically. “I’m sure she’d love it.”
Dean thought about it for a moment. “I just might do that,” he said, with a grin.
Sam rolled his eyes.
When the food was ready, their waitress was busy with other patrons, so a different woman came to deliver their food. Sam had to do a double take when he saw her. He kicked Dean under the table and subtly tilted his head in her direction.
Dean looked up at him, and said, “do you mind not kickin’ me?” When he saw Sam’s look of exasperation, he furrowed his brow. “What are you doing?” he demanded.
Again Sam rolled his eyes, and gestured towards the older woman approaching their table. Finally Dean clued in and followed his gaze. He looked at her for a second, then turned back to Sam with a shrug.
“Dude,” Sam said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Think back, shorter hair, less brown - more red, shrieking… Rodbell’s… ringing any bells?
Dean took a second look as she placed their plates in front of them. He nodded politely as thanks, and when she left the table he leaned forward. “You think that’s the waitress from last time?” He looked up, trying to picture the scene. “If it is, she sure looks better. Way less frazzled.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Dean chuckled then smirked at him. “I dare you to ask her for some ketchup!” They both broke into laughter.
Sam needed a refill on his pop, but he couldn’t see either of the waitresses. Finally he noticed there was a man behind the counter serving customers. He waited until the man was no longer busy, and was shocked to discover that this appeared to be the exact same manager from Rodbell’s. He froze for a moment, wondering if he had been zapped into some alternate reality.
He snapped back to attention when he realized the man had asked him a question. “I was wondering if I could get a refill on two Cokes, please?” he asked.
“I’ll have those out to you in a moment,” the man told him. Sam walked back to the table and sat down.
“You’re not going to believe this,” he said to Dean.
“Not going to believe what?”
“Just, wait one second, it’ll all be clear.”
“Okay,” Dean shrugged. He quickly changed his attitude when the man arrived at the table with their drinks.
“I’m really sorry about this gentlemen,” the man apologized. “You’ll have to forgive Stacy, she’s a little… disorganized.”
“It’s fine,” Sam assured him. He read the man’s nametag: Leon. “Thanks Leon.”
Leon walked back to the counter and called for Stacy. She appeared from the back, looking a little annoyed to be disturbed. From where the boys were seated, they couldn’t hear what he was saying, but from the irate look on his face, it was pretty clear that Leon was reading Stacy the riot act.
“Leon?! You leave her alone,” exclaimed the other woman, stepping from the kitchen area. Her tone was clearly audible throughout the diner. “So she got busy and forgot to ask if they wanted drinks. You took care of it, drama’s over.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending her Roseanne!” Leon cried, his volume increasing. “She’s quite possibly the worst waitress I’ve ever worked with… And that’s saying a lot, considering I’ve worked with you!”
“Well you don’t need to yell at her in front of the customers!” she shrieked.
“The only one that’s shrieking here is you!” he bellowed back.
Sam and Dean looked at each other, incredulous. What were the odds that that they would end up at a new diner, served by the same waitress, asking the same manager for help, and the two ending up in a public row? It was beyond weird.
While the rest of the patrons sat their gawking as Roseanne and Leon continued their yelling match, Dean slapped a twenty on the table, and prodded Sam out the door before they were treated to another food fight.
As they exited the Lunchbox, they bumped into Stacy who was having a cigarette. Her expression perked up when she caught sight of Dean.
“Hey, sorry if we got you in trouble there,” Sam offered.
“It’s okay. I don’t think I’m cut out to be a waitress anyhow.”
“No?” Dean asked.
“Nah, I’m really an actress,” she explained.
Dean looked pointedly at Sam. “You been in anything we mighta seen?” he inquired.
“I dunno,” she said. “Depends, have you ever seen ‘Night of Loving Dangerously’ or ‘Perfect Fit’?”
“I knew I recognized you!” Dean said triumphantly. “That thing you did… with that girl and the-“
“Wow, would you look at the time!” Sam exclaimed. “It’s getting really late, and we have that thing… Dean,” he continued, pulling at Dean’s arm.
“What are you talking about Sammy,” Dean said dismissively, and continued to flirt with Stacy.
Sam waited impatiently as his brother swapped sex tips with the porn star. Frankly, there were things about people you just don’t need to know. He decided that goes double when it’s your brother talking. He wondered idly if there was some ritual he could use to cleanse his brain later. Finally, the solution came to him.
“Oh my god, Dean, look,” he cried, getting his brother’s attention. “There’s some kids leaning against the Impala!”
“If they’ve left a mark on my car I’m going to kill those little shits,” he replied, already running back towards his car.
“Well, it was nice meeting you Stacy,” Sam said. “I’ll tell Dean you said bye.”
She waved at him before he turned to join his brother. Sometimes it was just too easy.
Character from a TV Show: the boys were served by Leon Carp, Stacy Flagler and Roseanne Connor as played by Martin Mull, Traci Lords* and Roseanne Barr on “Roseanne.”
Wordcount: 2125
A/N: Lanford, Illinois is the name of the town the Connor’s lived in on the show, however it is not a real place. The Rodbell’s they refer to is the ‘Rodbell's Department Store Luncheonette’ where Roseanne worked as a waitress for several years. Leon was her manager there and they really didn’t get along. I can’t remember why she stopped working there, but it didn’t involve a food fight, or Sam and Dean. The ‘Lanford Lunch Box’ was the name of the loose meat place Roseanne opened with her friends and frenemy Leon. In real life, Roseanne and then-husband Tom Arnold opened a chain of loose meat diners. I have no idea if any of them are still operating today, somehow I doubt it.
*Traci Lords did in fact play the role of employee at the Lunch Box on three separate episodes. She was up to no good and tried to claim she was injured by the ice machine and wanted millions of dollars. She didn’t get it. I can’t remember what her deal was, but I’m pretty sure she wasn’t an actress. That said, Traci Lords was a porn star for two years before going legit. I’m pretty sure Dean would watch her films, and the two I mention are actual titles from Traci’s resume. She made roughly 100 films in 3 years, but only one is still available to see - it was the one movie she filmed as an adult (on her 18th birthday) - because she was 15, 16 and 17 when the films were made, the government listed them as child pornography and yanked them off the shelves. Her life story is actually pretty interesting, and I suggest you read her IMDB bio if you are intrigued.