Dear Jared,
Please, let us have sex. I promise, I can keep it a secret. Sandy will never have to know. I won't tell anyone either. Just once. That's all I ask. Heck, forget the sex part.... lets just make out. One kiss? Like the one you gave Taylor in Provenance? Heck, I'm not picky, you don't even have to kiss me. Just hoist me up, let me wrap my legs around your waist and then you just need to press me up against a wall.... for 30 seconds. 10 would work too. Ok, just lift me up? I'll settle for just a hug. A handshake then? Or a wave would be nice. Even a head nod would suffice. A glance in my direction then? Hell, I'll settle for seeing you in the flesh even if you don't realize I'm there and you just walk by on the street. Please? With gummi worms on top?
Yeah. That's what I thought. However, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.