The Autograph Session PG 13+
Title: The Autograph Session
Author:
culturegeek76
Pairing: J2 + OFC
Rating: PG 13+ (language and suggestive content)
Warning: no spoilers (some het references) poor use of spanish?
Summary: Jared and Jen have to sign autographs, but it’s not all boring. Humor, Crack
A/N: In honour of the release of Supernatural Season One on DVD
Disclaimer: Didn’t happen, doubt it ever will, not implying anything about the activities or preferences of the individuals mentioned, this is made up, not-for-profit and the stuff of fantasy.
September 5, 2006
The management decided it would be a good idea for Jared and Jensen to do an autograph session on the day of the DVD’s North American release. Jensen thought the idea sucked, but it was part of his contract to do publicity and such. Jared was kind of stoked; he loved seeing all the hot girls screaming how much they loved him. He thought it was funny and fun.
The session was to start at 10:30 at a downtown Vancouver Best Buy. The store, which usually opened at 9 AM, was keeping the doors shut due to the large number of teenage girls and their mothers that had arrived outside, corralled like livestock in a maze of those rope things they use at banks and airports. Other customers were being permitted inside to make their purchases after being grilled by security to ensure they weren’t line-jumping.
Jensen and Jared were ushered in the back door at 9:30 AM to get set up and do meet and greets with local mucky mucks and their children, a few radio station contest winners and family and friends of the Best Buy staff. After dozens of handshakes and photos, Jen’s jaw was already starting to hurt from smiling, but Jared didn’t think it was too bad.
“This is hi-larious,” Jared said to Jensen as they leaned together for a picture.
“Yeah, fucking great,” Jensen gritted out between his teeth.
As it approached 10:30, they were waiting for the fans to come in and for the CW communications people to make some sort of stupid announcement before they start signing autographs. Jensen was not especially looking forward to the usual high-pitched screams of “I love you", nervous stammering, flirting, whispering, and of course pushing and shoving, these things tended to include. He regretted not wearing sunglasses to protect his eyes from the many flashbulbs that would go off.
Jared, on the other hand, couldn’t wait for the fun to begin. Bored, he watched the crowd outside through the glass front entrance; when, he noticed a petite woman wearing low cut top talking to the security guard by the door. She was speaking animatedly, but he couldn’t hear what was being said.
“I’m sorry ma’am, but you’ll have to wait in line like everyone else,” the rent-a-cop informed her.
“Wait in line? What for?” she asked.
“These folks have been in line all morning to meet the stars of Supernatural, and I can’t let you go around them,” the goon explained.
“Supernatural? What the heck is that? I’m here to buy something else,” she said. “Look, I’m already late for work; I just need to run in for a minute to pick something up. Besides, I’m over thirty - do I look like I’m creaming my panties over some TV guys?” She gave him a pleading look.
The security guard chuckled at that, and looked down his nose at the woman. She definitely wasn’t a teenager, and she didn’t look flushed or crazy like the rabid fangirls in the line. Plus, from his vantage point, he was getting an eyeful of her breasts, and it was making it hard for him to have a rational thought. “As long as you’re here to buy something else…”
Jared could see the security guy’s facial expression soften as he nodded along to what the woman was saying. The guard stepped aside and let the woman through, and she flashed him a big smile. She marched straight into the DVD section, nowhere near the Supernatural Season One displays.
With a few moments left to kill, Jared decided to amuse himself by wandering over to her and introducing himself. He found her in the 'S' section, scanning the shelves. He stopped next to her and pretended to be examining the movies for sale. She stood on her tip toes, trying to read the titles on the top shelf, well above her head. Jared asked if there was something specific she was looking for that maybe he could help her find. She turned to him with a smile and said, “I’m looking for ‘Sex and Lucia.’”
“Sex and what?” he inquired with an aw-shucks smile. Hovering nearly a foot over her, he couldn’t help but see straight down her top. Her breasts were real, no doubt, and they look pretty spectacular.
“Lucia. Sex and Lucia. Yummy Spanish film with lots of sex,” she quirked her eyebrows at him.
“Hmm, Spanish huh? Never heard of it,” he said, and scanned along the row of titles, to see if it was there. “But I do speak Spanish.”
“Oh yeah? Really?” She smiled. “Say something in Spanish.”
“Soy un actor en Sobrenatural. Usted tiene senos hermosos.”
“I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded great,” she laughed.
“I said, “I’m an actor on ‘Supernatural’,” he translated. “You have beautiful eyes.” Jared showed her the dimples of doom, feeling slightly smug. Eyes, yeah right.*
“That’s sweet,” she giggled. “Supernatural? Is that a movie or something?”
“Actually, it’s a TV show,” Jared says. He spotted Jensen wandering by and waved him over. “I’m Jared, and this is Jensen. We’re the stars of the show.”
“Oh,” she says, eyeing them both up and down. “Nice to meet you.”
Jensen thought she didn’t look all that impressed, but she had nice tits, so he acted friendly and shook her hand with a smile. Plus, he knew that Jared would kick his ass if he wasn’t polite, them being ‘southern gentlemen’ and all.
She looked at them both thoughtfully for a moment, then said with a slight leer, “You know, all these little girls are only here for one of two reasons: they either hope to have you boys fall in love with them, or hope to see you two making out.”
Jared and Jensen are both taken a little aback by this. “I’m sure some of them are here to buy the DVD of season one too,” Jared laughs, and tries to pimp the discs to her, looking for any excuse to be closer to those breasts for another minute.
“Okay, three reasons,” she conceded. “Obviously you’d want me to buy it though, you’re making money off this, so I know what’s in it for you,” she joked. “If I were to buy it, what’s in it for me?”
“22 hours of cute guys?” Jared suggested.
“Him in a towel,” Jensen added, snickering.
“Really?” she said, ogling Jared and biting her lip. “I tell you what. You let me take a picture of you two giving each other a kiss. On the mouth… and I’ll buy it.”
“Uh….” Both guys hesitated.
“Come on, it can be a fake kiss. No tongue. You’re actors aren’t you? I thought you guys fake making out all the time?” she joked, goading them into a phony lip-lock. She directed them to squeeze closer and suggested maybe Jared slip his hand onto Jensen’s ass. Both men thought about refusing, but every time she made a “closer” or “squeeze” gesture while holding her camera-phone, it pushed her cleavage together a little more and they promptly forgot what the problem was.
“Thanks boys,” she grinned when she had her shot, and slipped a copy of the show off the shelf - how handy it was that she was standing in the ‘S’ Section - and walked towards the cash register.
“What about that other movie you were looking for? The Spanish sex one?” Jared called out after her.
She turned back to them both with a grin. Waving the camera phone in one hands and the DVD in the other, she laughs, “They didn’t have it. But that’s okay. Like we discuss earlier, the girls were coming here for one of three things, and I got the two that I wanted!”
Feeling duped (and a little cheapened) by the experience, Jensen and Jared looked at each other for a moment before the preternaturally cheery PR Rep from CW came bounding over and directed them towards the table.
As the doors opened and the fans came streaming in with string of shrieks and squees, Jared took his seat, reflecting on what had just happened and chuckling to himself. Jensen decided that this was going to be a very long day, too long, and kicked his co-star under the table. Next time a fan tried that scam, he was definitely going to make sure HE was the one who got to grab Jared’s ass.
A/N: I apologize if my translations were incorrect, but what he really said was not “eyes” but “breasts”. If that’s incorrect, blame: www.freetranslation.com