gosh another update in the one night
as usual he is today saying he is sorry and only acted the way he did cause he was scared I would find someone when I went out on the hens night.. and leave him
now what kind of person do I seem like... I am the most faithfull person I know.. gee I stayed faithfull with darren FFS that relationship was a accident waiting to happen!!!
arrg he is playing with my head..
Yep u all think ****en kay is a looser... I tried blocking him.. I couldnt deleat him...
I ****en hate him tho
everyone i know is over it... and over me..
a friend told me they never asked me about it because it was soo on and off.. and that really upset me.. I didnt relise that I had been so stupid...
I hate myself right now..... Im totally messed up in the head.. and how can men do this to you....
ppl around me tell me its gonna happen and it does... It always has... and his word is so true.. and still he defys it... Im sick of being treated like shit. Yet I really like him and Ive no idea why.. I hate him tho right now.. but I did really like him
I told him he threatened my friends and what did he have to say about that, just that it was only a feeling and he would never do it.. just like he says he will kill him self and he never does.... ppl who kill them selfs never tell the world about it.. they just do it..
and u know what it always reals me in..
I fucken hate it.. and its pissing me of...
I wanna listen to all my freinds and tell him to fuck of and then I dont wanna do that... and then feel bad cause of how everyone with think.. but then let alone me.. that Im still going along with this shit after all that he has said and done...
I can see it now.. everyone giving up on me... I dunno if it is cause I am scared that I am not going to find anyone...
all my friends are married or getting married.. and im here with no one..
but then I dont want stuart to marry.. I dunno
he has hurt me more then once.. and I dunno where to go from here...
he comes on appolagising and shit, just for me to come back to him..
I told him I dunno what to say... and he should just leave me alone.. and we may be friends... but he keeps saying sorry and he shouldnt have done that but he thought he should push me away to stop him from getting hurt incase I found someone when I went out...
Arrrg its crazy repeditive shit, and I hate thinking about it.. I dunno who I can turn to about any of it anymore cause everyone hates him.. for what he does., what he says and who he is..... I can see all those fults and I hate him too and I dont wanna talk to him again.. but when he msg me I wanna talk to him and say hi.. Im real blunt..
Im not making much sence and Im dripping shit about someone who shits me...
I have so much respect for my friends and what they think, and I just wanna run away and not go to karaoke anymore so stuart can go.. as he said that he will not go just so not to make me uncomfortable.. and when he says things like that I think Oh.. mabey he is not so bad....
how can I just let it go.. I mean I dont even miss him.. I have lead each day as normal.. not thinking anything.. just tonight he contacted me and im all so confused..
he fucked me over
Arrg im such a child...... with all this.. I know what I should do.. in my head I know what I should do...
I am just setting myself up for hurt.. I KNOW IT....
I told him to leave me alone for a while and mabey friends could become of us..
but I feel like I do wanna be with him and be his GF... so im thinking that its just feelings of being alone... and I could get that with someone else.. I just have to find the right thing